A BEAUTIFUL MESS

“I am leaving you, It’s because I fell out of love for you” his last text. It’s been 2 years since he left me with this text. It’s not like I didn’t try to find him out but I couldn’t find him out. I asked his friends but all answers I got were we don’t know where he is. I called him, texted him but no reply as usual.

I cry day and night and seeking for answers, why did he left me with his beautiful memories?

I haven’t moved on from him even if I try but his face comes before my eyes and I just can’t forget him.

Best Mom, a best friend, a good job (cancer specialist) a good apartment, a good salary. Everything is perfect but not so perfect still something is missing and yes it is him.

I am getting ready for the hospital. My best friend Miya is waiting for me in her car.

Miya “When are you going to come down, I think I will get old here only”, she shouted. Miya knew about him and she always supported me and was by my side.

I went down and saw her waiting for me in her car. I walked slowly to tease her but I can see her face getting red and she opened the window and shouted “if you walked this slow then I am going to leave you here only and then you walk to hospital on your own because you won’t be getting any bus now!” I heard her and ran to her because I know she will do as she says.

I sat on the passenger seat and said “I am sorry for being late, I was making my breakfast”

She sighed and said “Don’t lie to me, I know that you didn’t sleep well because…” I cut her by saying “NO! I slept well It’s just that I was making breakfast so I got late” she said No need to lie to me I know that you are still not over him but why can’t you understand he doesn’t love you, move on. You don’t sleep at night because you always think of him. Have you seen your eyes they are swollen and red by crying .If you didn’t take care of yourself then you will get ill. Please don’t do this to yourself. I sighed and said “Ok Grandmother I will take care of myself” we both laughed and she started driving. I know she wants me to be happy but my happiness just vanished just like him.

I closed my eyes. “I LOVE YOU ENDLESSLY” , “WE CAN NEVER GET SEPERATED” , “YOU LOOK LIKE A POTATO” , “I HATE WHEN YOU CRY” I smiled while tears made their way down to my cheeks. I remember whenever I used to cry he smiled and teased me to cheer me up and his smile made my day. I never thought that now he is the reason of my tears. I remember he bought a bracelet for me and made me wear it and said “EVEN IF I AM AWAY FROM YOU THIS WILL STILL MAKE YOU REMEMBER THAT I AM ALWAYS WITH YOU” Everything was going perfect but why he fell out of love suddenly?

Car stopped and Miya said “hey, why are you crying?” she got worried. I said “I-It’s nothing something got in my eyes. I am going. Thanks for dropping me. I will go home by my own.

Waving me hand I got off the car and I made my way to the hospital.

Receptionist “Good morning doctor” she smile and I greeted her “Good morning” and I went to my cabin. I sat on my chair and waited for my patients.

 I sat back on my chair and I saw the time it was 9:00pm. I decided to leave.

I sat inside the cab and closed my eyes. “NO NEED TO TAKE A CAB, I AM ALWAYS THERE TO PICK YOU UP.” I remember this words he didn’t allow me to take a cab and used to pick me up and then we used to go to my favorite place.

“Madam we are here.” The cab driver said and I opened my eyes and said “Thank you so much” I paid him and got off.

I smiled and went to my favorite place. So far from the city and peaceful as always .Every night I come here after work. Laying under a tree and seeing stars in the sky. I felt so calm here. “I LOVE YOU MORE THAN THESE STARS” his voice echoed in my ears and I smiled. We used to sit here away from all problems, away from all responsibilities, away from noise it was just me and him holding hands.

I was lost in his memories and my thoughts got cut off by a call. I got excited and say the caller ID and it was my mom. I thought it would be him. I picked the call. Mom said “Where are you dear?” she was worried. I said “Mom I am in hospital. Why? Is everything alright?” Mom said “I am in your apartment, waiting for you.” I said “What are you doing there?” She said “Last week I told you that I will be coming, didn’t I?” I remembered she said that and I said “sorry I am coming in half an hour” I cut the call and went to my apartment.

I opened the door and I saw my mother placing plated in table. She smiled and said “Welcome doctor you must be tired let’s eat food.” I said “I will fresh up first”. She nodded and I went to my room. After sometime I came out of my room and I saw my mother waiting for me. “Here” she said while placing food on the table. I nodded and started eating. When I took one bite I started to tear up. My mom got worried and asked “Is it too salty or something?” I was lost in my thoughts “HOW IS THE FOOD” his voice echoed in my ears. My mom asked “What happened? Why are you crying?” I shook my head and walked away I hear my mom said “What happened?” but I just walked to my room. I cried in my room and remembered how he used to make my favourite food by his own hands and always used to ask if it tasted good or not. I kneel down near my night stand and took the photo frame and started to cry. “YOU ARE PRECIOUS TO ME” his word came into my mind and I cried. “PLEASE TAKE CARE OF YOUR MOTHER SHE IS JUST LIKE MY MOTHER” his words again roamed in my ears and I wipe away my tears and said “He must be happy with someone else why am I even thinking about him. I am wasting my life on someone who doesn’t love me and left me just like that .I am so stupid” I took off the bracelet from my wrist and put in on night stand and I saw myself in mirror and said “I should love myself and the people who take care of me” I washed my face and opened the room door and made the way to dining table and saw my mother crying. I went to her and wipe her tears “Why are you crying? I am sorry for walking away like that.” She shook her head and said “I am sorry I knew that he used to make this for you and I made you remember about him.” I said “It’s okay. It wasn’t your fault. Anyway let’s dig in because I am so hungry and I know you didn’t eat anything. She nodded and I smiled and we started eating food. She said “Have you moved on” I looked in her eyes and said “From today yes I have.” She smiled and patted my head and we spend our night talking and watching movies.

I woke up in the morning and saw my mother staring at me I frowned my eyebrows and said “You scared me Why are you staring me?” she smiled and said “ After so many years I saw you sleeping properly” I smiled and went to fresh up. I ate my breakfast and got a call from Miya “Why aren’t you coming. I know aunt has come to your house but if you didn’t come I will punch that pretty face of yours and then you will have to come to me for plastic surgery and I will loot million dollars from you” I laughed and saw her giggling too “I am coming wait” I said and rushed from my apartment.

I smiled at her and she looked me in disbelief and asked “Are you fine? Did your head got hurt? We can go to the doctor if you want.” I laughed and asked “Why?” She looked in disbelief and said “Your are smiling and looking happy-happy” I smiled again and said “Why can’t I smile” she shook her head and said “ It’s not like that but you always had poker face and now after 2 YEARS you are smiling . Are you for real?” I shouted “YES, YES I AM SMILING BECAUSE I HAVE MOVED ON NOW AND CAN YOU PLEASE DRIVE ME HOSPITAL, WORLD FAMOUS PLASTIC SURGEON MISS MIYA?” we both laughed and she started to drive.

Now it’s been 4 years of him leaving me and I am happy because I am over him and living happily. I am going to get married in 4 months to Ray, my mother’s friend’s son. He is very nice person and I never told him about my past relationship because there’s no need I have already moved on. He takes care of me.

“I will be going to Paris after tomorrow so can we have dinner tonight at 8:00?” he asked and stopped the car and I walk out of car and stood near the window and nodded my head and said “sure we can” he smiled and said “ I love you” I smiled and walked inside the hospital. I never said that back to him and he understands and respects that I need some time.

“I am waiting for you please come down.” Ray texted and I saw the time and decided to leave and went down and saw him waiting and we both smiled and he drove the car. We had our dinner and we dropped me and then I remember to buy some groceries so I walked to the shop and I just bumped into someone “I am sorry” he said. His voice is familiar. I shrugged my thought and said “it is my fault I am sorry” I looked him and saw his eyed they are beautiful- black doe eyes. They are familiar but then I saw tear in his eyes and he walked away. I saw that all the eggs that he bought are now on the floor broken I thought he cried because the eggs are broken and he doesn’t have any money and ran to him and tapped his shoulder “I am sorry for breaking the eggs here take this” I gave him my crate of eggs he said “It’s okay” I said “Don’t cry, just take them” I put the egg crate inside his bag and some money and walked away.

 “She never changed” he thought to himself and smiled.

I went to my home and only on thought came into my mind that was the person I meet before. His voice and eyes were so familiar. I got cut off my thought as I got call from Ray “Can you come to the airport tomorrow?” I said “yes I will be there” he cut the call. I woke up and it was Sunday so I don’t have to go to the hospital and I got ready so as to go to the airport to see off Ray.

“Thanks for coming. I will come after 2 months” Ray said. I said “It’s okay now go or your flight will take off and then you will have to by foots to Paris” We laughed and he went. I walked out and decided to go the nearby café`.

“What would you like to have” the waiter said. I looked at him said “one hot chocolate with extra sugar and chocolate cookies, Please”. After few minutes the waiter came with my order and he said “here’s your order” I smiled and thanked him. While taking a sip of it I saw my surrounding and saw a little girl playing with her mother, two friends laughing and many couples. I smiled but then I heard a familiar voice “One hot chocolate with extra sugar and some chocolate cookies” the person said I tried to see the person’s face but he is wearing a mask and I saw this eyes and they resembles someone but who I can’t remember. Then the waiter come to him and said “sorry sir but chocolate cookies are out of stock.” The mask guy said “It’s okay I will just go to some other Café as I don’t drink hot chocolate without them.” He was about to walk but I said “Hey wait you can share with me I have extra ones” He turned and faced me and said “I-It’s O-Okay, I don’t need them you can have them.” I said “you can take them as a sign of apology as I broke your egg crate.” He giggled and said “A sign of apology? It’s okay you can have the-” I cut off him by saying “I don’t want this Café to lose a costumer so take my offer.” He nodded and said “okay” he made his way to my table and sat on the chair in front of me. He said “Do you come here always?” I said “not always but yes once a month”. Then I said “Are you going to drink hot chocolate while wearing mask?” he laughed and said “I am not that stupid” I giggled and then I got call from my mom “IF YOU WILL NOT COME HOME AND DRIVE ME MALL THEN YOU ARE GOING TO SLEEP ON THE ROAD TODAY” she shouted. I mentally slapped myself and said “I am coming, bye” I cut the call before she shouts more on me and I looked at the masked man and said “We can talk some other time. If I will not go then I will have to sleep on road today.” I waved my hand and went outside

“She is more beautiful now and I missed her talks” he smiled to himself

I and mom did shopping and we came to apartment and slept.

I woke up and went to hospital and after sometime I saw a masked man came into my cabin and he said “We met again” I remembered his voice so I said “You are following me , aren’t you? He laughed and said “I think you are a doctor and not any famous personality because I came here for a doctor” I shrugged off my thoughts and said “I am sorry, please take a seat.” He didn’t sat and I again looked at him and he said “I am just here to give your ID card” he gave my id card and I said “Thanks, I think I forgot it in the café.” He nodded and he was about to leave but I walked to him and said “The bracelet in your hand is the same of one of my-“he cut me off by saying “It belongs to me” I said “R-Robin?” I stammered but he heard and stopped on his tracks and turned and removed his mask and asked “yes” and then he walked away and I fell on my knees and cried and said to myself “why did he come?”

I ran out of hospital and went to my favorite place. I sat under the tree and cried. Why did he come again? Why did he come to my life when he left me alone .When everything was going fine then why he came. When I started new life why he came? Again I am back to square one. I am here again broken and miserable. He doesn’t know what he did to me. I still love him but I can’t forgive him.

After sometime I calmed down myself and then I went home.

“You are home” Mom said I simply nodded and walked to my room. I washed my face and took my phone from night stand and saw Robin’s text-

Hey, can we meet at the Café tomorrow at 9:00 am

I texted him back

“I am busy” and then I blocked his number and then switched off my phone and slept

I woke up in the morning and went to hospital and after the work I was about to take a cab but I someone held my wrist and then I turned I saw Robin. He said “Hey when I called you why didn’t you pick up my call?” I said “I was busy” he smile and left my wrist and said “can we have a cup of coffee?” I said “At this hour?” He again smiled “Then what about Ice cream?” I crossed my arms and said “What do you exactly you want?” his smile dropped and he again said “I know I left you but please forgive me” I chuckled and said “oh so you remember that and then also you are behaving as if nothing happened?”He said “I am sorry please let’s have a talk”. I said “there’s nothing to talk about” he said “it will just take half an hour please”. I thought to myself why does he want to talk now? I said “fine just for half an hour and not more than that.” He smiled and nodded and I walked to his car and he stopped at my favorite place and we went out of the car. “Why are we here?” I said. He held my hand and said “stop talking and sit”. We sat under the tree and he gave me the ice cream and we ate it. Suddenly I remember how we used to sit here and eat ice cream and talk about everyday life and tears started flowing from my eyes. Suddenly he wiped my tears and said “Don’t cry you know I hate your tears” I said “Reason is in front of my eyes”. We stared in each other’s eyes. I was trying to find answer to why he left me and he eyes were asking for forgiveness. I can’t forgive him for what he did but I can’t stop denying it that I still love him. “It is beautiful here, isn’t it?” he suddenly broke the eye contact and stared at the sky. I wipe my tears and said “it was always beautiful but you were blind” he chuckled and said “yes I was blind”. I looked at him and said “what do you want to talk about?” he sighed and said “I am sorry” I chuckled and said “Sorry can’t change anything, Robin. You left me.”He said “I know but can be start it again?” I looked at him and shouted “NO!” and then got up and tried to walk away but he held my wrist and said “I am sorry please” I tried to pull my hand from his grip but he tightened it . I turned around and said “Why? Why are you doing this? I hate you.”He said “Can’t we be friends?”There was silence for few minutes and then I spoke “NO we can’t” and then I walked away.

Since 1 week I didn’t meet him or he didn’t try to contact me. I didn’t used to talk to anyone or go anywhere because I wanted to be alone. I wanted some time to think what is happening around me. I was ready to move on but why now he came. Why he wants to be friends with me?

I got cut off my thoughts when my phone started ringing. I saw the caller ID and saw Miya. I wipe my tears and picked up the call. “You potato, why don’t you pick up calls?” she shouted and I said “I was busy”. She sighed and said “Why you lie so much? You should know that you don’t know how to lie.” I said “I was busy with hospital work.” She said “Yes I know how much busy you are by not going to hospital for one week.” She knows me so well. She said “Is it about him?” By this a tear drop made its way out of my eyes. She said “Hey why you crying?” I said “I miss you so much, Miya.” She said “Atleast you miss me. My mom says that our house is peaceful because I am not there.” I laughed and said “When are you going to come back?” She said “After few weeks, I am busy with my work here but don’t worry I will come soon. Can you tell me what happened?” I told her about how I met Robin again. She shouted “THAT MAD GUY!” I said “And now he wants to become friends with me.” She said “Then accept it” I said “What, I mean after what he did how can I?” She said “He is just here to see you broken and nothing more so accept him and let him also see that you have moved on.” I was about to say something but she cut me off by saying “Sorry but I need to go, bye” she cut the call.

Should I really accept him? What if he leaves me again? But what Miya said is also right. He is just here to see me broken. No I can’t be this feeble.

“I accept you as a friend” I texted him and he texted back “Thank you, can we meet at Café tomorrow at 9:00 Am”.I replied him “Sure”.

It is 8:00 Am and I am getting ready to meet him. It’s Sunday so no work today. I came inside the Café and saw him waiting for me. He smiled and waved his hand towards me. That smile which made my day is now poking in my soul. How can he be so sober and calm after leaving me miserable? “He is just here to see you broken and nothing more so accept him and let him also see that you have moved on.” Miya’s words came into my mind and I smiled back at Robin. I made my way to this table and sat on the chair “Thanks for coming.” his smile didn’t left his face. I hummed in response. He said “Please drink you hot chocolate and take some cookies” I said “Yes, thanks”

After we left the Café and we walked to the nearby park and sat on beach. He broke the silence by saying “I missed this place so much. I missed you. I missed us.” I didn’t say anything .He again said “How have you been?” I looked at him and said “I am good. What about you? "He said “I am fine too”. There was an awkward silence and then we saw a couple holding hands and I smiled. “They look cute together” he said while looking towards them and I saw him smiling. He still has that pure smile. He turned his head towards me and I looked away. He held my wrist and made me where the bracelet. “You left it the other day in the Café. I wanted to give this to you” he said. He was making me wear the bracelet and I was admiring his face. “He didn’t change” I said to myself. “Yes now it’s done” he said cutting off my thoughts. “Thanks” I said. He smiled at me and I couldn’t stop my lips from forming a curve to smile.

“Let’s walk” he said and held my hand. It was already dawn and we were walking. He was still holding my hand and I wish this moment never ends. “I think we should go from here now” he said and I nodded. He again took me to my favorite place and we again sat under the tree looking at the sky.

“Do you remember how we met?” he said. I nodded and said “Yes, I remember you fell on the ground as some boys were bullying you”. He smiled and said “Yes and you saved me from them. You weren’t afraid of them”. I shook my head and said “I wasn’t.” He smiled and said “I was always weak and afraid of things”. I looked at him and said “yes you were”. There was silence and we could hear the chirping of insects. “You were always there for me” he said. I looked at him and said “Yes because we were together.” “You loved me too much, didn’t you?” his sudden question made my eyes wide. I didn’t say anything and stood up and walked away. He held my wrist to stop me. “Why are you doing this to me?” I said turning around and my teary eyes met his eyes. “Why have you come now?" I said while looking in his eyes. “I am sorry” he said and I slapped him. There was silence and only my sobbing sounds were audible. “Sorry cannot change the fact that you left me. You are so selfish. You are very bad. You are the worst.” Suddenly he hugged and I snuggled in his chest. His embrace always made me feel safe. He patted my back and I calmed down. After some time I pulled away and said “Why are you doing this? Why have you come back in my life? Why you left me when I needed you the most?” I said calmly. He said “I want to just be friends with you and make you happy” I chuckled and said “Really by taking me to the all the places where we used to go and saying that you missed me will make me happy? I held his shirt collar and said “You are not making me happy but all you are doing is making me weak, making my life a mess again” “I am sorry” he said keeping his head down and I left his collar. “I can’t take this anymore” I said and walked away.

I ran towards my house and locked the door of my room and cried. Friend- he wants me to become his friend after what he did .He doesn’t deserve my love, my forgiveness. He doesn’t deserve anything. I hate him. I hate his presence, it makes me weak. When I look in his eyes, they ask for forgiveness. He is making me weak. I don’t want to see him.

After 2 days

I got out of hospital and took a cab. I gave money to the driver and walked inside my house. “Why is it so dark here” I said to myself. I tried to find the switches and suddenly light came and what I saw made me shock.

I saw all my photos hung on the walls and the room beautifully decorated. I smiled seeing all the pictures and tears came in my eyes. Suddenly I flinched when someone back hugged me. A smile curved on my lip. I turned around and my smile faded “Ray” I said. “Where you expecting someone else?” he asked. Was I expecting someone else? I questioned myself. I got cut off my thoughts when he held my wrist and started taking off the bracelet given by Robin but I held his hand and shook my head telling him not to remove it , he understood and took my left hand and placed a bracelet on it .“It’s beautiful, isn’t it?” he asked me with a smile on his face I nodded while fake smiling. I asked him “You came this early?” he said “I missed you so much so I did my work fast, did you miss me?” Did I miss him? I questioned myself. “What happened? What are you thinking?” he said I shook my head and said “Umm , you much be tired let me make food for you.” he said “No I am going home we will catch up later, OK?” I nodded my head and he walked out of my house.

I stood in front of mirror and looked at myself. The person in front of me isn’t me. My life was so simple yet beautiful but now it’s confusing and a huge mess. Then I looked at my hands and saw the bracelet on them. One is of Robin and other of Ray. Robin the one I loved, the one who loved me and Ray the one who loves me but do I love him? Whom did I expect when I got inside home? Why I didn’t allow Ray to remove Robin’s bracelet. Why has gotten into me? Why am I confused? Why didn’t I smile when I saw Ray? What’s wrong with me? Suddenly my door bell rang and I wiped my tears and took a deep breath to calm myself down and made my way towards the door.

I opened the door and saw Robin. I froze and just looked at him. “Will you not allow me to come inside? It’s so cold? “Why are you here?" I asked trying to be confident so that he doesn’t see my weak side. “If you allow me to come inside then I will tell you” he said and I said “No go away” I tried to close the door but he grabbed the door and pushed it and made his was inside the house. “Hey what do you think you are doing here?” I asked him while crossing my hands on my chest. “Can I get a glass of water?” he asked. I can see that he is panting so I simply nodded and bought a glass of water. “Here you go” I gave him water and he took it from my hand and drank in one gulp. “Now tell me what you want?" I asked while sitting on the chair away from him. “I am sorry” He said and held my hand “I was wrong, I am sorry” I jerked his hand away and shouted “GO AWAY I SAID” he tried to approach me but I shouted “LEAVE”. “Let me explain” he said while sobbing and I grabbed his wrist and made my way towards the door and opened it. Before I could push him out I saw Ray before me. He first looked at me and then robin and then our hands. I quickly removed my hand from Robin and asked Ray “W-What h-happened?” I stammered. “I wanted to tell you that tomorrow we are going to watch a film, I texted and called you but I didn’t get reply so I came to check on you” he said “Who is he?” he asked “Ray we need to talk” I said. He simply nodded and I gestured Robin to leave and as soon as he left Ray sat on the sofa. “Who was he” he asked in angry tone. “H-he w-was R-Robin.” I stammered. He nodded and said “Carry on” and I told him everything. He simply nodded while I started to tear up. I looked down while crying. “You still love him, don’t you?” he said while wiping my tears. I shook my head while crying. “You are so bad at lying” he chuckled and I looked at him. “You love him but you are denying it.” “He left me alone” I said while sobbing and he said “He must have a reason” and I again shook my head. “No he doesn’t love me.” I said and he said “That’s not true I could see in his eyes the pure love for you.” I said “No he doesn’t.” He said “Then you are blind, go see a doctor.” He said while laughing. “Does he really love me?” I asked him and he nodded his head. “I am sorry” I said with teary eyes and he smiled and asked “Sorry for loving him or for not loving me? I said “Do you still love me after knowing this?” he nodded this head and said “I knew about Robin already as Miya and your mother already told me” I looked at him and he continued “I still love you but I can’t force you to be with me like this. You are incomplete without him. Go to him. Hold him so that he doesn’t leave you again.” I nodded and asked “Won’t you feel bad if I go to him?” and he said “whenever you are with him I see happiness in your eyes and all I want is happiness for you so why will I stop you from being happy?” I hugged him and said “You deserve much better. Sorry that I couldn’t love you back.” He simply nodded and took off the bracelet. “Now you are free to go to him.” He said and walked away.

Then I went to my favorite place and saw Robin crying while kneeling down and I took slow steps towards him and bend down to his level. He looked me and hugged me while crying but I didn’t hug him back. He pulled away and saw in my eyes. “How could you leave me? Who gave you right to do that? Didn’t you say that you won’t leave me? What about that promise huh? You are a liar and a stupid person. You are selfish.” I said while hitting his chest and he was hugging me. “Don’t cry. I don’t love to see you cry” he said while wiping my tears. “Why did you leave me?” I asked and he said “I was scared.” “Scared of what?” I asked and he said “Scared of not protecting you .I was not good at anything while you were perfect in everything. You were good at studies and I was the opposite. You were brave and I was coward. When you were getting bullied by some seniors I couldn’t save you. What need of me in your life if I couldn’t protect you? Then from that day I stopped spending time with you and then finally left you. But when I saw you in the shop I have realised that I was wrong. When I saw you wearing the bracelet I regret leaving you and when I saw you red eyed I understood that I left you miserable. So I decided to meet you again and start things again. But you kept pushing me away from you” I asked him “You never fell out of love?” He shook his head and held my hand and said “How can I not love you? You are the only one whom I love and adore” I slapped him and shouted “You stupid creature, you dumb, you mad person. How this thing got inside your little head that you can’t protect me? You are the only person with whom I feel safe, being with you makes me feel like I am protected.” He hugged me and said “I am sorry. Please forgive me” I hugged him back and said “I did” and he pulled back and we stared at the stars just like old times and I said “My life is a mess” and he smiled and said “A Beautiful Mess” we both smiled.

Sometimes, two people have to fall apart to realize how much they need to fall back together

You can go wherever you want. In the end, you’ll always come back to those who really meant for you.