When I Am Old

Today is one of those days in my youth

I have sat contemplating the future,

And to my horror and dismay,

I sit here today,

Not thinking about the dream job, the perfect house, the loving partner, the happy life,

But that which is absolute and certain,

The gruesome thing I will one day become - an old woman.

Every strand of my dark brown hair

I so fondly swank will one day turn silver, grey, white.

Wrinkles will replace the crinkles on my face as I laugh, if I will,

And my almond eyes will be concealed under the wrinkly eyelids.

Lines will permanently set on my face as its muscles atrophy; my cheeks sagging,

And I'll look into the mirror and not recognize the creased, hollow face staring back at me.

I'll be hesitant to leave my house, or the old age home I'll be sent to,

Afraid not that I'll fall; afraid that everyone around will be oblivious of me;

Now I'm a charmer; heads turn my way and eyes linger on me as I pass by;

But the look of pity and disgust in the eyes

Of passerby's

When they'll see me - a hoary woman, doddery on her walker-

How will I bear it? 

I'll be reduced to an object, a burden.

All my life's achievements will have gone in vain

As I'll sit before my life's curtain

Watching the scenery falling apart,

With no one to share the pain.

Dears will have departed through death or abandonment,

And lone I'll be left to live out the numbered days,

On a hospital bed, machines breathing for me, 

I'll be alive but dead;

Dying in the company of strangers, or worse, no company at all.

So I pray death comes early to me before I become helpless, hideous and disfigured.

Having achieved everything in life, what will be left to live for- love, companionship, kinfolks?

Self, I say.

Better live for a good time than a long time.

A lifetime will have passed me by,

And I hope when I die,

What I do remember amongst everything else is 

My Self;

What I was, what I became, what I am.

So tonight is one of those nights in my youth

I have lain contemplating about the future,

And its with delight and content I say, 

Beauty wears, relations break, and everything in life blurs,

But what you will always see and remember is -

Yourself; The person you were at heart, 

And everything else will cease to matter.