The Letter He Left Us With

One year now,

I have known that I am not well.

A few hours now,

I know what it feels like,

The comfort that a handful of pills promises,

The warmth that a scarf assures,

As it would cradle my neck,

Hung from the ceiling fan.

I have to escape.

To my father:

You insisted that you are educated,

That you have seen the world,

And heard thousands of stories as a physician.

But when I told you about my illness,

The perpetual sadness that flooded my mind,

You laughed it out.

You told me to be positive,

Be strong and be resilient,

That the sadness was just a phase.

I believed you dad,

I tried everything you said,

But there was no way to motivate myself,

I am sorry I failed.

To my mother:

I could see it in your eyes,

The concern every morning,

When I told you I could not sleep.

The black patches under my eyes,

Brought fear to yours,

When I pushed each plate of food away from me.

I told you that I was afraid,

That I waited every day,

To come home at night,

And cry in your arms.

But you did not speak up ma,

You did not question Dad.

Why did you stay silent,

When you knew I was drifting away?

To my friends:

I know a few of you tried,

I know you intended well,

But you did not leave me with much of a choice.

You asked me why I was low,

And told me that I shouldn’t be so,

For every one liked to be around those who were happy.

You wondered why I could not see the bright side,

Since I made it to my dream school,

And excelled at every test,

But little did you realize,

That the books were my only escape.

I know that what I do next,

Will make people think that I am weak,

That I am giving up without a fight.

But I want everyone to know that I am a warrior.

Alone, I tried,

and I battled depression,

With every ounce of energy in me.

But at some point I had to ask:

How much is too much?

I think I am at that point now,

And this is my farewell.

All I ask of anyone reading this,

Is to be kind to others,

To hug,

To listen,

To not just be there for someone,

But to be there with them.

Don’t let anyone fight depression alone,

Don’t let anyone be where I am right now,

For all I needed,

Was the presence of love.