Sadness And Me

How do you pen down the air surrounding you

Molecules of which hit you with such emptiness

That you feel your world stop for a while

Like a clock which never learned the concept of time

And became a rebel instead

Such emptiness flows through my veins,

Every time I ask myself questions which are unanswered.

How do I tell that this smile is a facade

To convince the bearers of happiness

That I carry happiness clenched between my teeth

Parts of it beneath my tongue

But never speak about it

Just like my scars which are fading now

Somehow sharp blades are the machines

To draw murals of my pain which needs no explaining

And pen them down as poems

Because people hear songs more than the screams

My pain is subsiding into oblivion

The same abyss my selfless happiness fell into and never came back

I am afraid if i let go of the only ink laden sword my pain is

My diary will remain empty off the words that mattered to me

Like melancholy

A sad word with a happy ending

I look into that old photo album

When I had some people to hold my hands

But this album is drenched with moisture

From the tears of my past self

Who remains alone as I click photographs of my present

Is it enough if I say I don't want to get well

Or will I still need to use the words

Like dungeon or chasm to explain the depth of my intricate imagery ridden self

Where my skin is just my skin and not a paper

I can write my secrets on

My hands are no knives to behead the wordless poet my sadness is

My mouth is a well without a rope

Where the bucket of my sorrows fall deep into my throat

Every time I try to speak out loud

My feet are tied to tons of bricks

Which hinder my moving on

My heart is a clenched fist

I so desperately want to open and let go of things it holds

Like a toddler who holds the hand of his mother while crossing a busy road

I am a toddler stuck in the middle of the road

Waiting for that car to hit me

Not so slow

Not so fast

But just enough for me to lie on that bed

And scream out loud to the world and myself

"I told you so"

You see my pain sets up a court every night

And demands proofs from my sleeplessness

And this time I need to have evidence

Or else it passes the verdict that mocks me,"I am not enough