I can’t tell you how or why it happened, but I finally woke up from the illusion that I thought was meant to be my life.
I told myself I was doing the best I can, that I was making the most of my life…
And that was so far from the truth that it shocked me.
I realized that I had been going through the motions and simply surviving for as long as I could remember.
And I wondered why I was unhappy.
Because I was settling for a lackluster life and couldn’t understand why I would feel the need to cry myself to sleep and woke up feeling exhausted.
My soul was weary and my spirit was stagnant.
I had forgotten who I was and what I wanted and it left me feeling utterly empty.
I can’t live like that anymore.
I need more and I deserve better.
If I won’t treat myself the way I want, how can I expect anyone else to?
So, I’m turning the page in the story of my life.
If I’m honest, I don’t know where to start, what to do or how to change…
But I don’t have to.
I’ve made up my mind and I’m going to start with making small changes that move me in the right direction.
I’m going to start doing more of the things that set my soul on fire.
I’ve not let myself truly breathe in a very long time.
Starting with today, starting with me, I’m changing my direction and listening to my heart.
I haven’t been truly alive in so long that I’ve almost forgotten how it felt.
I’m done feeling bad, being miserable and telling myself that I’m too tired, too alone and too this or that.
This is my life and I have a choice.
I choose to become more..
More of the things that I want and more of the things that I deserve.
I’m going to treat myself with respect and belief and I’m not going to keep beating myself up.
I’m going to take that trip.
I will try that new recipe.
I’ll make that long overdue lunch date with my friend and laugh like we always do..
I’m just going to start doing the things that I’ve put off, made excuses for and ignored for so long.
I made it this far unhappy and empty..
I’m excited to see what I can do now, with my passions alive and my soul on fire.
Maybe it’s not the entire answer, but it’s a start.
And sometimes in life, that’s all it takes.
To start. To rise again. To be free.
So that’s what I’m doing.
Looking in the mirror, I can’t help but smile.
“Hi there. It’s been a while. I’ve missed you.”
That girl is finally coming back…
And I, for one, can’t wait to see her again.