Heaviness Of A Simple Heart

Its 3 a.m. and I can’t seem to fall asleep.
I have all these random thoughts running through my mind,
Reminding me that no matter what I do, I still got to live in reality.
Is it because life’s harder than my nightmares, or, even better than my dreams?
And I can’t seem to decide on one reason or understand what’s going on.
I'm not sure if I even want it too, for I'm scared of what it would do to me.

I think I grow attached to people, a little too fast,
And that's when I start feeling vulnerable to them,
As they become a part of my routine.

Why can’t they understand?
I don't want to share everything that happened with me today,
I don't want to share my secrets so you discover my weaknesses one day,
I don't want to make you my habit, as people change, everyday.

But I can't help but get close to them,
Because I see all that they are, even when they don't really see it themselves.
And maybe, that's why, every time someone hurts me,
All I can still really see is a part of their heart filled with goodness.

Some days, I forget all my worries and find myself happier than I’ve ever been,
But on the same nights, I find myself going deeper into my sorrows,
Trying to rest my chaotic mind through sleep,
In the hope that just for a while, the blackness eats me off reality.

I miss a couple of memories in my life, which I don't feel like reliving,
Except in many of my dreams, where sometimes I wish I could forever be living.
I struggle to express my feelings nowadays, not knowing what to say and when.
Especially to convince someone that out of all the ones that leave,
I will always be the one staying to make them feel better from within.

Have you ever loved someone so much that you don't miss them too much?
Someone whose presence is always felt around you each day?
Someone whom you know so well that even a few words aren't needed,
For you to understand what's going on with them?
Someone whom you scold like a family,
But then forgive them for every mistake they make?
Someone who is a part of you, so much so,
That if they were to ever go missing, It would seem like you're missing too?

If you have, then feel blessed.
Because that's the best gift that God could ever give you.

I have never fallen in love with anyone.
Yet I have fallen in love with many beautiful things that people do, like
How they sound at 4 in the night,
How they look when they smile,
How their eyes sparkle when they laugh,
And sometimes, even how they cry.

And then I wonder how their heart grows so cold with time,
But then I realize that maybe,
That’s because it was left alone in the rain for a while.

Do the stars promise to shine?
No, but they will, especially in the darkest of nights.
For it's their fate.
So to love those, whom I have loved forever, is not my promise.
It's my fate, especially in the darkest of days.