Grief at My Gate

At times when I’m happy and smiling

A sadness slowly creeps in,

Silent and unknown

It tiptoes around my smiles

Pushing them into darkness

Until the last one of my smiles

Falls, deep and slow into

The Hollow of Grief

An un-hollow, unholy grief.

And in no second, I’m in pain

A disabling pain

That undoes my reasons

And numbs my senses

I feel nothing

I see black,

No specks of light but

I see hopelessness

And feel pregnant with despair.

This sadness is uncalled for

I never wanted to be sad in the first place

Despite the number of pills I swallow,

This uninvited guest calls herself,

Crashing the gates of my brain,

Into the ruins of my life

And settles where it already bleeds.