fill the spaces with laughter

My dearest love,

Today, I turned 90. Can you believe it? You always said I’d outlive you, but I never thought I'd have to see this day without you. I woke up expecting your voice, the way you’d always whisper Happy Birthday, my love before the sun even rose. But silence greeted me instead.

I spent the morning with a cup of tea—your favorite blend, the one you always made just right. I sat by the window, watching the birds, remembering how you used to hum old songs while filling the feeder. Do you remember our long walks in the garden? The way you’d pull me close when the wind got too strong? I still feel your warmth, even in this cold, empty house.

Our children called. They tried to fill the spaces with laughter, but no voice could replace yours. No hand could hold mine the way you did. I smiled for them, but inside, I was back in our little home, where we danced to our favorite song, barefoot on the kitchen floor. I miss that song. I miss you.

As the night falls, the weight of this loneliness presses deeper. My love, I don’t think I can do another birthday without you. My hands are cold. My breath feels slow. Maybe birthdays are not meant to be celebrated alone.

I think I’ll close my eyes now. Maybe, just maybe, when I open them again… I’ll see you.

Wait for me.

Forever yours,