Diwali Is Here Again

Does time actually move forward or does it keep moving in circles. Somehow reaching back to the place from where you started to feel that emotion once again. Or maybe it's a chance given by the universe to correct your course by reacting to the same situation in a way that's more aligned to your true being.

So, it just happened that in the October of 2019 I was supposed to meet this person who I had got to know recently on a matrimonial profile. Not that recently actually for it had been good three months of talking and getting to know each other to the extent when you feel like meeting. 

The feeling was supposedly mutual but maybe action oriented was only me. So, we had not decided the exact date because he was busy with the Diwali stuff. But yes, the week before was open to meeting anytime.

The days passed and now just one day was left before Diwali, and I realised that someone has no plans of meeting. 

A natural thing with me is that I neither like to keep someone waiting for me not do I like to wait for someone and especially so when the other person is playing casual, and I am happily anticipating meeting.

So burst out my anger and then a series of angry messages over two days followed by silence. No response from my dear friend followed by panic on my side and the usual phase of self-sabotage. 

I felt extremely sad for we were actually real good pals so far. Somehow discussed it with my mother who guided me to send a nice and positive message. And then I searched and searched Google for one nice message and finally sent it.

It worked and though he was very upset with me still we started talking again and gradually returned to normal conversation. Though the impression I created in his mind was of fear and apprehension. 

It's been three years now and it's Oct 2022 with Diwali approaching again. I don't know why around Diwali it just feels like you should meet

 He must have also felt it so. And he also remembered how I got angry last time. So, he casually mentioned that no one knows when Ata maajhi satakli happens for me. 

Surely, I felt hurt to hear that for even after that day we have met only once that too for a brief period of time. Strangely this person does not understand that it's important to meet in person also and has no regrets of not doing so. 

Not only that even third time around is casually hunting to meet when I'm real he has no plans of doing so. But the child in me is so alive that I started preparing myself for the meeting. What to wear etc etc.

Again, the week passed, and two days were left. This time around I just asked him that listen are we meeting pre or post Diwali rather than writing for a message from his end. To which he replied post Diwali. 

I thanked him saying that at least now I was free to chill the way I wanted to and not keep waiting for something that is not even happening.

That's how time takes is to the place where we went wrong and felt hurt to correct and unlock the emotion that got trapped in guilt and sadness to free us so that we can travel lighter.

 

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