The Solitary Solitaire

Me pining for company of someone who does not care for me

Has been trending all of my life

Just that earlier, I was innocent and so much just in my affairs what we say just doing me 

And once I got free of myself to wander and see what was going around me

Did I realize how lonely I had always been all my life

What seemed real was a total situation of disconnect all around

Just that it was all about how much I felt connected to everyone around 

It has always been a one-way street of connection

And when efforts minimalized to zero from my side that was the end of that relation for me

But it took me a hell long of a time for it to be zero

It reduced so very gradually for May be fear of losing and being left alone

That fear lurked all around me like a cloud and also, I was in denial for so long

Fighting battles for acceptance from all

Sacrificing my life and giving it all

For hope of acceptance that never came

Only that one day when I accepted the rejection with a heavy heart

But did not have any more courage to give it one more try

To walk that never ending barren path again in the illusion of love being given to me selflessly without inhibitions

I got tired and exhausted of it all

Love is an elixir worth living

But can't be got by effort or intent

It has to come from the universe as a reflection of the love in our hearts for ourselves 

To make our soul shine like a solitaire 

Solitary and yet so rare