Dear Mum

Dear Mum,

while you were out

a cup went and broke itself,

a crack appeared in the blue vase

your great-great grandad

brought back from Mr. Ming in China.

Somehow, without me even turning on the tap,

the sink mysteriously overflowed.

A strange jam-stain,

about the size of a boy's hand,

appeared on the kitchen wall.

I don't think we will ever discover

exactly how the cat

managed to turn on the washer-machine

(especially from inside),

or how sis's pet rabbit went out and mistook

the waste-disposal unit for a burrow.

I can teil you I was scared when,

as if by magic,

a series of muddy footprints

appeared on the new white carpet.

I was being good

(honest)

but I think the house I had haunted so

knowing you're going to have a fit

I've gone to grans for a bit.