AIRPORT REVERIES

I walked in through the automated glass doors

Turning back for a last look, raising my hands in farewell

Mom was just a few feet apart from me, but those see-through doors had just put me in marked territory

Now were were states apart, skies apart, lives apart

Together but separate...

She stood outside ever so patiently watching her tiny tot complete all the check-in formalities

And I'm sure even she must be wondering when it so happened, when time raced passed

And the kid who cried while going to kindergarten, was now an independent young woman...

And she was there till again I acknowledged my final presence before going into the queue at the security check

For thereafter only our long conversations over phone would be the only solace life would grant us...

Sitting in the waiting lounge, I took out my tissue sheets to wipe away my tears

And in a queer mixture of nostalgia and guilt,

I realized it has been a long time since I actually cried at goodbyes.

The moment somehow was an awkward one

And to escape from its realms, I tried clicking selfies on my phone

But the mind is like a stubborn baby - it will drag you through the tunnels of the past again and again

And I had no choice other than to follow suit...

What followed was a series of reveries...

My first flight almost more than a decade ago

The tears that streamed down my cheeks each time I had to say goodbye, even if it were just for a day

My love for them hasn't dwindled in the slightest but now there's a strange sense of detachment

Why? Because after a full circle, I am no longer afraid of goodbyes

Who knows, this could have been my last goodbye too

Because the uncertainties of fate are multifarious, infinite...

The airport staff know me as "the girl with a beautiful smile"

And they always come forward to greet me

And I try returning that gesture with a little more enthusiasm

You never know when you might be smiling for the last time

So now I never miss a chance at spreading smiles, sprinkling petals of happiness wherever I go...

I sit back on a couch, breathing in the aroma of freshly brewed beans

My phone beeps with the usual good morning texts

And I mechanically type back a customized reply

For I am lost in the reveries of the past...

The day after last Diwali when you were coming to greet me, meet me after I landed

That jittery sense of anticipation which has no words for it

Weaving dreams which would forever remain dreams only...

That day nearly three years ago when I completed my final semester at JNU despite a serious illness

Catching the flight to home sweet home 

That day when I could barely walk through the waiting lounge, breathless, anaemic, just hoping to somehow beat the odds and write my exams

When faces once family, now strangers had come to take me to another home...

I continue walking mechanically down the aisle, still lost in my reveries

Nostalgia is an addiction that gets you dangerously high

Especially when spiked with strong memory

And I kept on weaving and then weeping into crotchets of that

As the flight was airborne, it's wings so effortlessly gliding through the fluffy white sheep decked blues

Thoughts random dripped into calligraphy on paper, while the ear-plugs made me deaf to the groan of the engines...

So much to say but so less time

In mere three hours I was opening the doors to an empty apartment where my stuff toys awaited to greet me

And I entered all alone with a trolley laden with new clothes 

And a handful of more memories - happy ones to keep me alive and going

I switched on the lights and opened the balcony to a glaring midday sun

Donning on an old night gown, I lay exhausted in bed...

Life has given me another chance to live my dreams

Again my mirror started it's eternal lectures...

And tying my long brown tresses into a bun, I went into the kitchen to boil eggs

Yes Mommy's little girl has grown up

A lot in very little span, I admit

But it has never been about the years, it's always the experiences...

And now I am again ready to spread my crimson plumes

And take flight against an indigo sky

Way beyond the horizon

Where new dreams and a new destination await...