A Victim's Love

I think about the past and all those memories.

There were good times, fun times, and also miseries.

I broke into a nervous sweat, my heat beat faster.

As I reach for the phone, I remember our laughter.

We were twins, friends, brothers and enemies.....

Sometimes at night I thought "not tonight please!"

I gained my strength from my only friend, God above.

Why did you taint and twist, our brotherly love?

We were so close, we would fight, or even die for one another.

Why was your warped kind of love, hidden from Mother?

I hold back the tears and dial his number.

Thinking back at it now, I couldn't have been much dumber.

"We need to talk about the past, and what you did"

I say boldly; the first act of courage ever to him that I ever did.

"I'm sorry for hurting you" was your response.

"YES!" I think, my heart leaps for joy...... for once.

"We need to talk face to face" I get bolder.

"Sure no problem" from my brother 3 min. older.

With shaky hands I hang up the phone.

Tears of confirmation flood my every bone.

It was later that week that reality set in.

I was so shocked, I don't know where to begin.

There we were Face to Face.

I was finally a member of the human race.

I don't remember what it was that I said at first.

But his first words to me were "I don't remember any of it!" my heart burst.

"COWARD!" I scream inside my head.

His words made me wish I were dead.

"I'm supposed to be the one that should forget.

You did sick things to me and face to face you FORGET"

The knife to the heart was more than I could take.

He tried to comfort me with a hug. What a fake.

What am I to do now?

Pretend it was a dream, it'll all get better somehow.

I tell him "you need help"

A shrug of his shoulders shows how he felt.

He goes into a conversation like "all is good"

I feel sick, hollow, my heart splinters like wood.

I cursed myself over and over that day.

"That was stupid! naive! It'll never be o.k.

Now my heart and mind are in a state of confusion.

"Is this all real, or just an Illusion?"

You are my brother, my friend, and my enemy too

I love you, I hate you, and I forgive you.....