Rainbow In The Clouds

Kaya remembered Peter despite he not being around her and she could never explain that to anybody. It wasn’t only love. It was a feeling of belonging which she felt and nothing could have been done about it now that it was about to be over. She loved him more than anything in her life and the yearning left her exhausted! But what she had come to understand is that Peter was being very selfish and cold by closing up on her without giving any explanation and walking away from her life. He did not even bother to keep up with their friendship and Kaya was really upset about it.

Having educated in an English medium school where students had to be a part of the early morning choir, Kaya used to enjoy singing and was always enthusiastic about learning the different songs printed in her school calendar. There were times she used to feel bored of standing for the choir, but the 'singing', that she thoroughly enjoyed! Even today she remembered some of the songs. There shall be showers of blessings, this is the promise of love…, This little guiding light of mine, I am gonna let it shine … All things bright and beautiful, all creatures great and small … She hated her school anthem though. It just didn’t rhyme so well for her taste of music. So! Kaya remembered she had once sung these songs crazily in front of Peter and their friends just for fun and he had wondered how she knew all the hymns. It was a crazy - sweet memory! She was laughing her heart out while singing and Peter was sitting calm as usual unable to fathom why she was acting weird. That was Kaya and Peter. Total opposites. And yet so complementary! 

Very early Kaya had learned to make her decisions from the heart while evaluating the right and wrong with her brain leading to a balanced decision. But when it came to Peter, she wasn’t able to do so for a very long time. It was very challenging and she hated the imbalance and in-congruence. But now that she had decided to drift apart from Peter it would enable her to give some direction to her own life. Kaya knew she would not be happy anytime soon. But, there was hope to move away from the uncertainties and the exhausting wait for Peter as she felt really broken and conflicted.

Psalm 27 New International Version (NIV) Psalm 27 Of David. 1 The Lord is my light and my salvation — whom shall, I fear? The Lord is the stronghold of my life— of whom shall I be afraid?

 

As Kaya sat down on her bed at night listening to the verse in the bible, she felt a sense of relief. She did not follow the bible, but sometimes, as a part of her meditative practice, would encounter some verses on YouTube videos as she followed a spiritual approach towards leading her life. Tired of being a nurturer to her long-lost love Peter, weary of his unresponsiveness, she was clueless as to how she could ever make him understand that he needed to be able to get over his emotional numbness. In order to sustain through her painful heartbreak she learnt to believe more, by not waiting for him, but at the same time trying to retain the love in her heart and spirituality helped her sometimes. Nothing ever goes disregarded Kaya felt as she heard the verse.

She realized that her childhood belief in angels existed in reality and understood that life is sometimes led by unknown people who come in your life and help you sail through. Kaya remembered the song, “When it looked like the sun will not shine anymore, God put a rainbow in the clouds.” and felt eternally grateful to those who had brought her back to herself. She never felt alone now. In fact, she now hoped to be the rainbow in someone’s clouds, someday.