You

Sometimes some people come into your life to break every ounce of you so that you rebuild yourself better. Only if I had a Ctrl+Z in my life I would undo that one day at college when he crossed my path.

He came like a storm unannounced in my life, made me fall in love with all of him, and destroyed all of me in the process. I never believed in the idea of love or in letting my guard down in front of anyone, but he knew how to play his cards and so he steadily crawled inside my vulnerability and made me believe in those heavenly eyes that lied as perfectly as if they were telling the truth. His touch felt so lively that my skin would dance unaware that the same touch would crush my soul like a piece of crumpled paper. His voice, Ah his voice! His voice was like a drug that drove me to the world of trance where I lost my senses as soon as that melody entered my ears, oblivious that this poisonous voice would haunt me for years.

But now he was gone, and my heart was empty and my heart was hollow. He left me with memories of us holding hands and laughing carelessly that became a nightmare for me which didn’t let me sleep for a long time. I would dream his voice calling for me and I would wake up panting and sweating on chilly winter nights and I would scream and cry and sob until I fell off my bed and bruise myself. He left me wounded, he left me scarred, he left me hopeless and he didn’t care at all.

Getting over him was the hardest task that I ever had to do. Getting over the fears that he stained in my soul was terrifying because it still gives me goosebumps when I remember it. His memories left me with a thousand daggers in my heart and each time I pulled out a dagger, my heart bled, and it bled until I wrote about his longing and the wounds could cut open, but heal a little.

It was another hopeless day when you stepped into my life, like a ray of light after ages of darkness. You were my only friend and my savior who gave me a hand and drew me out while I was drowning in the oceans of my melancholy. I knew I had built rock-solid walls around me, so the world wouldn’t miss the mess that I already was. I knew I had lost faith that this feeling of miserableness would ever leave me. I knew that I was so broken that I lost trust in my own shadow and made darkness my permanent friend because no one could see my half-dead self almost walking like a soulless zombie in the dark.

You lent me a shoulder to cry on, but my faith in people so shuddered that I didn’t let you through those walls, yet you were unshakable that you didn’t lose your hope in me. And slowly and steadily you managed to make a place in my life as my human diary. I would pour all my agony in front of you and you would listen to me like a child complaining to her father, so patiently. And then you would give me the greatest and sometimes the stupidest advice and I would rub my sleeve on my face to wipe my tears. And then you'd make me coffee and talk to me until I felt light like a feather. You made me realize how toxic he was and how grateful you were that I was coming out of that trauma. You made me fall in love with myself. You showed me how beautiful I was even with all the scars and all the flaws that made me, ME! You made me fall in love with coffee again. You made me stand back on my feet. You made me embrace mornings again and you made me cherish nature again. You came in like a blessing, a gift from God to end all my sorrow.

I thought you were nurturing a dead plant and dead plants never come alive, but you proved me wrong. And at nights when nostalgia would hit me back and I would run from it, you held me tight sometimes even when I was snatching you, you would never lose the grip, because you never lost faith in me.

When I would pull out the daggers from my heart and would shriek in pain you made sure that you were always there to aid my wounds. You stood with me when I myself wanted to get rid of me and you never complained. You understood me as if you created me and it almost felt unreal but you were real. You always told me that time is the greatest healer and it would heal my wounds and it did. I was finally healing and letting light inside my room. I even started my studies back because it kept my mind away from wandering to the ‘land of overthinking'. I came back to life because of you and only you. You saved me from dying a little every day, you channelized my emotions like a magician and you made me my strongest self.

This “Operation life” took a pretty long didn’t it? But you clung with me through thick and thin through years. And I didn’t realize that in this process of making me fall in love with myself you fell in love with this crazy woman! You were so sweet to never accept it but deep down I knew, and when I wanted to look at you that way, somewhere the scars of my past scared me away. But since you made a warrior I fought with those flashbacks myself and then one night I reflected upon my past and present. From my pathetic self to this confident young woman I saw in the mirror that night, the journey has been tough yet worth, and at that moment I realized that it was you who stuck with me through my lows and highs. I realized that all this while what you have showered upon me was Love!

The college-me thought that love was what they showed in novels and movies, it was about big romantic gestures and fancy date nights. But the new-me knew that love was the most soulful feeling one could experience. It was never about glitter, but finding peace in chaos. Love was the little things that you did to make me happy on a rough night. Love was sipping coffee under the stars while discussing our favorite show. I was scared at that moment when I first felt that I love you, but I was willing to take the risk because it was YOU! For the first time in ages my heart was leaping and at that moment, I knew, I have met the love of my life.

And it's eight years later, that I am writing this letter to you, in this creepy hospital bed to tell you how much I love you. Marrying you at 23 was the best decision that I have taken in life. These seven years of marriage have been heavenly with you by my side. This gamble has been a huge win and you were my prize.

My love, thank you for bringing back life in me. Thank you for taking care of me like a little baby. Thank you for holding my hand and aiding my wounds. Thank you for pouring happiness into me. Thank you for never judging me and understanding me like you were the lost piece of my jigsaw puzzle. Thank you for being my happy place. Thank you for being my knight in shining armor. Thank you for being my unpaid therapist and my best friend. Thank you for holding me when I felt weak. Thank you for spoiling me and treating me like your queen. Thank you for falling in love with me and for completing me.

You are not just an ordinary man, you are an angel God sent for me as a reward for my suffering and pain. You may not be my first love but you will be my only love forever. God has been very kind to me since he blessed my life with you, and our little girl to share our love and complete our world.

Darling, I may never be able to express my love for you in words because there aren't enough words in any language to tell that. But I will not lose this chance to express myself as this may be the last time I could do so. I am dying and I am so scared of it because then I would have to part away from you and Angel. Take care of both my pieces of heart. I am sorry that I couldn’t spend a lot of time with you, I wish I had met you sooner, but whatever time we had it was beautiful and wholesome. Now I am thankful that I did not have a Ctrl+Z in life because then I wouldn’t have had a chance to meet and fall in love with you.

My love, now when the ECG stops beeping I would surrender and my heart would stop, but it will beat for you till eternity. Know that I will be waiting for you at the gates of Heaven to hug you and to kiss you when you come there.

I will love you forever.

-Your Love.

She finished this letter and kept it near her pillow and closed her eyes to doze off. The ECG stopped beeping and she left the world peacefully. He came running into the room when he felt a sudden sting in his heart, only to find the love of his life dead. He sat near her and saw that letter, he read it with tears rolling down his eyes uncontrollably and he kissed her hand again and again while crying and then looked at her, she seemed so harmonious as if she was sleeping peacefully. At that moment he realized that she was happily in heaven smiling down at him.