You’re My Maybe
You’re My Maybe16 mins 308 16 mins 308
(We rent a scooter)
So that he can rest and I ride, this was my idea
He shows me the way to eat the fish; I think he's the only one who looks cute explaining the fish
"This is the best part, here" he feeds me
"How’s it?" he asks like a curios face/expression
"I think I'm going to puke now," I say trying to swallow it drinking water
"You don't have a good taste" seriously
"Yeah right, that is why I dated you in college, so What’s the plan now?" I ask
"Hey, I'll go just walk around/Stoll and come, need something, you stay close to the hotel okay? Don't go too far, I'll come quickly" he says
I go and sit where there are no people. listening to the sound of the ocean feels like mediation I sit there lost in thoughts, I think about the hard days I'm going to have after this trip, about him, what does he really what is he still in love with me? Why was this trip important to him? Or is it just a holiday for him? What about us? Are we boyfriend girlfriend? Are we dating? The ocean looks smaller than my thoughts...
I see a boy coming towards me and sit quietly behind me. And I get lost seeing the water hitting those rocks and the rock doesn't care it doesn't move one bit
"Hey, nice weather uh, beautiful isn't it? The ocean” says the voice from behind
I look behind to reply "yeah it's magical" I say adjusting my hair
"Your first visit here?" he asks
"Yes," I say "and you," I ask
"I come here often," he says
"Bangalore?" He asks
"Yes, How did you guess?"
"Easy lots of Bangaloreans come here," he says getting up from his place and sits next to me leaving a gap, a cow and couple of babies/birds could fill this gap.
"Let me guess, solo trip?" he asks
"No no I've come here with my boyfriend," I say smiling
Seriously, boyfriend, I ask myself
"That's cool, hey if you guys are interested there's going to be a party I bet better than Bangalore one"
"Hey here you are" Darren interrupts
"Hi done with your work," I ask
"By the way, this is, hey sorry what was? I ask in embarrassment "hey chill we didn't exchange names yet I'm Varun “he shakes hands with him "I'm Darren her boyfriend" he says and "Neha" I say shaking hands with Varun
"Give your number I'll let you guys know about the passes," he says
We exchange numbers and he leaves.
"Few minutes I wasn't there/around and you already found another guy?" he says and we both laugh
I realize the silence between us is not awkward in fact it's comforting. We sit there without talking, see the sun slowly disappear, I look at him, and I know I have a strong feeling for him. I look away.
"Let’s go?" he asks
"Yes," I say getting up
"You go back to the hotel I'll come back in a bit," he says
"Where is that you keep going, even after lunch you disappeared," I say in anger
"What’s the big deal? Are you trying to pick a fight? If so I really don't want to be a part of this conversation" he says and leaves without saying a word I walk back to the hotel.
Does this guy really care anything about me about us I ask myself? I can't stop thinking about the same damn thing, so what if he doesn't have feelings now, But why did we make this trip happen, why the fuck did I even come? What the fuck was I thinking?
I go crazy I feel my head would blast in seconds I text Varun
"Hey, where can I get the passes?"
Varun: I'm close to your hotel let me get it for you
Darren: Have your dinner don't wait up for me
I don't replay to Darren. I have second thoughts about this party but I can't stay here alone
"Where's Darren?" Varun asks
As we walk
"He's gone out," I say with an expression
"So are your friends here?" I ask
"Yep they are already inside I came to pick you up," he says
"Thanks so what party is this?" I ask
"It's an open party there's everything drinks, powders, weed music the buzz whatever you want," he says
"Here we are," he says
I don't get a good feeling but I can't go back now
I see a few people dancing insanely, I see a couple of people making out or whatever they are doing, also some people passed out, wait I think I stamped on somebody.
"Where are your friends?" I ask
"Let me call them, they all are lost," he says
I check my phone hoping for Darren's message, there's none
"Hey everybody this is Neha, Neha this is everybody"
They all look fine
"Guys we should go the other side" one of Varun's friend's say
"Let me give you company, I'll drink beer too," Varun says
"Hey come on that's really unnecessary," I say
And we all cheer.
I get comfortable with the crowd and all the music, Varun and his friends seem to be nice.
All were dancing here and some sat close to the waves mostly couples. I started loving the music and started to dance with Varun's girlfriends who were already almost tire/exhausted dancing.
As we continued to dance one of the girls goes like (I'm sorry I really don't remember the names)
"So Varun says he met an interesting girl in the noon, well I guess that was you"
"We hardly spoke you know and Varun breaking our conversation and says "Guys she's here with her boyfriend"
And they go like/ and the girls go like
"So where is he?"
"He's gone out somewhere," I say laughing
I feel I'm tripping. I check my phone I see no message
"More beer please" I shout
We keep dancing like maniacs and I get really tired
"Hey, are you alright take it slow," Varun says
We sit near the waves
"Why can't we hear the music aloud here?" I ask
"Because we are... Hey, are you drunk?" Varun asks
"I don't even know why I'm here, I should have been at home back at Bangalore" I check the time "You know at this time I would be on my couch watching Tv shows (name any) season 3 or something but look at me here in stuck all these confusions even when I know what's going to happen anyway" I say throwing some sand
Varun says "I'm sorry if it's so hard why don't you...”
My phone rings
"Where are you?" Darren asks
"What you mean where? Do I get answers when I ask you the same questions? I say
"What's that sound are you not in the hotel?" he asks
"Wait a minute so you are still not back? I'm in the middle of a party please don't kill the vibe" I say and cut the call
"Hey, all okay?" Varun asks
"I don't know man, we are not even in a fucking relationship I think I expect too much from him you know earlier it wasn't like this I think distance has a parted us," I say
"Take it easy, It's going to be all right," Varun says
"Where are you?" Darren asks
"How many times do I have to tell in a fucking party" I yell
"Where exactly are you?" he screams "come outside to the parking," he says and cuts the call
"I have to go Varun he's here thanks for the party". I say
"No problem I hope you had fun"
Varun walks me out
"Take care," he says
"Why did you come to pick me? Varun would have walked me" I say
"I can't hear you can we at least fight properly?" he says
What does he mean?
"Did you have your dinner?" he asks
"Nope," I say
"What do you want?" he asks
"Beer I guess," I say
"Yeah right, you better eat something too," he says and orders something
"I didn't know you were okay drinking with strangers?" he says
"Oh shut up I didn't know this was a solo trip," I say
"For few minutes I wasn't there and you start drinking with strangers?" he says
"A few minutes?" I ask raising my eyebrows
"And what kind of a party was that tells me most of them were on drugs, you didn't even bother to inform me, you are my responsibility, okay, please don't do this again/repeat this." He says
Usually whenever we fight he's always calm and makes more sense
"Yeah fine sorry, but where were you?" I ask
"I met some dudes in the noon who smoked weed so caught up for some smokes," he says
"Okay but you could have told me," I say
He pulls me closer puts his arm around me "don't ever do this okay?" he says
"Do what?" I ask
"When I'm not there disappear with some cool dude/ stranger who makes you drink in rave parties," he says
"So don't go anywhere Nah," I say
"Two people always can't always be together no," he says kissing my hand
We have dinner watching Tv
"So where will you sleep?" I ask
"How I used to on your lap," he says and lies downs
"Very funny," I say and get up
I call the reception and ask for the extra bed
Not fair he says and sleeps back on my lap
He kisses my hands and I bend down and kiss his cheek and he kisses me, we continuously kiss
The bell rings we keep kissing and I push him and open the door after continuous ringing
"Extra bed madam," The boy says
"We don't need it I say/he says"
We cuddle up under the blanket
"I'm going to eat you like a watermelon," he says
"I'm a cold watermelon from the fridge or the normal one?"
"Let’s find out," he says and starts kissing me
..... (After a while)
I break the silence
"Write me a letter know," I ask
"A letter?" he asks
"Yes I always wanted you to write me a letter," I say
So why did you won't call me on this trip?" I ask
He doesn't reply he kisses my forehead and rubs my arms
We fall asleep
The bright light falls on my face/alarm rings (he had kept an alarm to wake me) I wake up smiling and laze, there's a note next to my phone
'Good morning kanmani/beautiful come to down to the beachside P.s just brush your teeth and come soon'
I freshen up to see another note in stuck to the mirror 'you look beautiful and come soon'
I run downstairs and walk towards the beach to see him waiting near the table in his joggers. My boy, I give him a flying kiss/kiss the air/kiss him in the air (without using the hand)
I see verities of dishes on the table "whoa that's a lot of food there, are you sure this is for 2?" I ask while he adjusts the chairfor me while I sit.
"Breakfast is important my dear," he says and pours milk
The sun was just up, there was mild breeze skin felt right.
"So what are we doing today?" I ask
"You see those trees?" he points towards a higher place than our hotels
"Yes, are we going there?" I ask in surprise
"Yes, you're okay, right? I mean you can walk?" he asks
"Yes I think I can," I say
"Come on finish your breakfast you need the energy to climb," he says
"Neha get my phone while coming I have put it for charge" he screams from downstairs (which is visible from balcony)
When I take out the phone a WhatsApp message from his screen displays
Reena: Hey just got to know from aunty congratulations, I'm super happy for you, wish you all the luck
As we climbed I kept thinking about it we were accompanied by 2 local boys arranged by our hotel guys
Darren was talking to them about some kind of weed which I didn't give attention to
I didn't know what was about it. But I felt something was wrong/off beam or something was going to happen.
We reached halfway and decided to stop and those boys told would be around and would come in a few minutes
"Hey what are you thinking about? Look there look at the view see how big the ocean is now" he says
"Can I ask you something? What’s with all this? I mean what are we doing here? I accidentally saw a message on your phone someone called Reena says congratulations? What’s going on? I ask
He looks at me " I was about to tell you, I have got an opportunity to work under XXX as assistant XXX (cinematographer)" he says
I'm in shock "what are you serious?” I hug him tight “I’m so happy for you, whoa it’s a piece of big news, why didn't you tell me earlier?" I "I have to go to the USA"
“I waited for this moment since a long time, but I don't know I feel I'm going to miss something Important here if I go," he says
"Hey common this was your dream right, but why didn’t you tell me?" I ask "or do you think this is not important to tell me?" I as
"Are you stupid? I didn't know how would you react, to my surprise you are happy" he says
I control my tears very bad
"So when do you have to leave?" I asked still trying to be excited
"In two weeks," he says
I decide to return back home and ask the hotel people to book a bus ticket for me right away
"Are you sure you want to go right away? The plan was to leave tomorrow right? Why suddenly Neha? He keeps on talking while I pack
"What’s the point Darren today tomorrow, as you said we can't be together always right" I say giving him a smile
"Here I wrote something for you," He says handing a letter
I give him a tight hug and without turning back sit inside the bus. I don't look at him because I don't want to remember his goodbye face/ I don't want this face in my memory
I cry like a baby, I get a message from him 'My Kanmani, Take care'
I see the message and cry more and type 'I love you' and retype 'I will miss you' and retype 'you too'
I don't go to work for a few days and sit and cry and write dukhbari articles the whole day. I can't sleep at night so I watch all my favorite romantic movies and cry a lot
He calls me a couple of times
I don’t pick up.
He messages me 'In case you haven't read the letter yet don't read it, and if you have read I'm sorry thanks is a too small word'
I didn't have the letter that day I had thrown the letter from the bus window and after few seconds requested the driver and conductor to stop the bus saying my expensive ring felt down, I had cried so much that day for losing him and the letter that day I got to know 2 things about myself that I was selfish and foolish/stupid.
I didn't text him back I saw the date and thought what he might have been doing at this time.
After 318 days…
"So HR people are not that bad," he says
He here I'm referring to is another 18 or the 19th guy from the matrimony site. My parents wouldn't give up they had set up another date. I was so used to meeting guys and talking the same shit over and over I wasn't interested a bit, something was missing in all of them maybe I was trying to search Darren in them I don't know.
Few of these guys have rejected me and I have said No to few. One of them said that I was too shy to talk (lol) arranged marriage was just not my type. One guy whom I met has become a good friend of mine he came to meet me only because of his parents' force. He was a writer too and both our parents thought it was a perfect match just because we were writers I wasn't even a full-time writer and had only published few of my articles as WhatsApp/ Instagram status
I always believed in prince charming, love at first sight and happy endings. Not marry a stranger who judges me over a coffee. In fact, I was sick of drinking coffee anymore.
After spending huge money into pooja's, marriage brokers, and the tons of coffee cups my family was over rejoicing it felt good to see them happy. I had said okay to a Guy whom I met a couple of days back not because he was cute or worked as a manager in the top bank or wanted to travel to Iceland but only because he cared to order my favorite dessert which I'd casually mentioned earlier on our date. (I didn't know it was a coincident or he liked the same dessert or that was the only dessert on the menu or he actually did care what I liked) But I wasn't sure of the marriage and stuff. Maybe I was sick of all this nonsense and wanted to end it.
And a message pops on my phone screen.
Akshay: ' If you need help in the stores let me know, I don't mind shopping'
By the time I finish reading this I get another Message
Darren: 'Hi I'm in Bangalore for 2 days can you meet?"
I take a few minutes to digest it and read the messagerepeatedly. These kinds of things take time to sink in me
I type to Darren
'I'm getting engaged'
'I'm held up with some work, I'll be going to the market today/stores/shopping today.'
Darren: 'send me the location and time I'll be there'
I type and send to Akshay
'No I will mange Thanks'
Akshay: Cool happy shopping
I don't think much, apply some lipstick and perfume and leave
I always try to be the person who reaches the place way before the actual time. But I see him already there my heart is on a race I can't keep calm at all
"Hi" he gets up and hugs me
He has lost weight and also kept a beard just the same as in college
"Hi, you are already here?" I say
"Yes on time so how you been? And thanks for coming"
"So when did you come? How’s work? How’s life?" Shit why I'm asking so many questions I ask myself
"Good good here for 2 days and a month or 2 back homeChennai," he says
"Btw I watched the xxx movie and great work saw your name in credits too" (I had taken a photo of it too) I say
"You watched it? Glad you liked it" he said
"Of course I watched, and also watched xxx but didn't like how it ended," I say
“I know the very sad ending," he says
"That’s enough of me you tell me what's happening how it isgoing?" he says
"Hey I actually don't have much time can we head to the stores?" I say
As we walk
“so tell me how's work?" he asks
"Well I quit work" I stand still "listen I have to tell you something I say
"I have to say something too, well you go first," he says
"You know where I'm going? To finalize my engagement cards/invitations” I say
"So you are getting married?" he asks casually
How cool he is now I'm surely going to get married I consider my decision seriously correct
We reach 'type the shop name (make sure the shop name itself should sound like an invitation shop)
"Excuse me a person named Akshay Patil has selected few cards can you show me, I guess he has already spoken to you," I say to the receptionist
As we sit and select the cards
"Here see this video" Darren gives me his phone
'A guy proposing his girlfriend kneeling on his leg with a ring, live music in the background front of a crowd mostly family and friends’
"So what do you think?" he asks
"Your new movie script or something?”
"No that’s my cousin proposing to his girlfriend," he says
"Okay, but why are you showing this to me?" I ask selecting some cards
"What do you think of this?" I show him a card
"So you don't think this is special," he says
"Yes even I like this card," I say
"No, not the card, the romantic proposal," he says
"Nope not at all," I say
"I'm glad," he says
Let’s go to the nearby market I say wanting to spend some more time with him. He hasn't changed a bit; we both are talking like yesterday he dropped me home having spent a wonderful day. Everything seems the same.
"You remember what I had said the last time on the trip the day you left?" he asks
I know exactly what he's talking and my palms are sweating
"What? I don't remember" I say
"I had said the next time I meet you I'm going to marry you"
We stand still amidst the people
I stand there knowing what's going to happen, I'm scared as shit I don't even know what to say
And he comes closer and whispers in my ears
"I love you"
vendors are screaming, people are bargaining, the market is crowded pineapple onions and bananas everywhere But I hear the whisper so loud that my heart might have skipped a couple of beats
"I know you may think this all sudden, I loved you from the day one since I saw you, college got over and we couldn't handle the long-distance relationship, you know when I got this offer I was happy over the cloud but I didn't want to leave you and be forgotten so I made that trip happen it was so important for me I wanted to make it memorable for you but everything got sucked.
A couple of times I was unsure of going to the states too, I know it was my dream and I wanted time too to think. When I went there you know I would be busy working and wouldn't get distracted by you but no. The first few weeks were learning, putting my heart and soul into my work it was all good. But no matter how happy I was there wasn't a day that I didn't miss you, I wanted to share all this with you. When I had got a chance to meet XXX (Neha's favorite actor) I went and told him about you, my girlfriend was fan of him abdadores/admires his work. I called you so many times. I wanted to leave everything and come back. I wanted to finish my movie too. If you think I never loved you tell me I just forget all this and walk away."
I sit there tears rolling my eyes down, heart overwhelmed mostly my legs and hands were not moving I hit him continuously and kiss him
"This is how you propose a girl?" I ask laughing
He comes close to me and whispers "actually there's a ring in my pocket."
We walk the volume slows down
"What are you going to tell your parents," he asks
"Well I'll show them the ring they will be happy at least I will be getting married," I say
"What about your parents?" I ask
"They already know and excited to meet you," he says
"What about Akshay ?" he asks
"What about him?" I ask
"Whenever I'm not around you mange to find Mr.Wrong’s/some of the other/someone he says
"That’s why don’t leave me alone," I say
“Never,” he says.
We walk holding hands and kiss my palms
"So what did you write in that letter?" I ask
"Thank god thank god you didn't read it," he says laughing
"Tell know" I jump on him
He later tells that he wrote thanks for coming to this trip in a hotel tissue paper.
We both laugh
Elvis Presley's song starts to play in the background.