You Are An Antharjanam

While Charu is seriously observing the map on the backside of the Polaroid photo she found in the book the mobile phone rang.

Charu received a call on WhatsApp from her friend Neha in the US.

Hey, how is my Annalise Keating?

Have you reached safely? Neha asked. She teases Charu with the name of the fictional character Annalise Keating in a legal drama.

Not so great. I am at home. Grandma's health is not stable. Dad also worried. Neha answered.

Let us hope things might get better.

Neha said in a consoling way. Charu replied with hmmm and the call gets disconnected.

Charu gets distracted by the call and closes the book by keeping the photo in it.

She tries to sleep but gets the dreams of her vising the place called home shown on the map.

Disturbed Charu leaves the room and decided to take a check on her Grandmother's condition.

When She enters the room and finds Grandma is having a problem with breathing. She shouts at the half sleepy nurse who sat on a chair.

The nurse arranges an oxygen tube in a suitable position and slowly Grandmother felt comfortable with breathing.

Charu asks the nurse to sleep in the next room if she was really tired.

The nurse says to call her if anything seems wrong. Charu smiles and the nurse goes to the other room.

Grandma made signs with her eyes to say something. I slid the oxygen mask a bit to listen to her voice.

Charu touched her Grandma's hand and held it softly. You are an antharjanam. Grandmother said with a shivering tone.

Charu is not getting what her Grandmother is trying to say.

You are an antharjanam. Grandma said and pointed her index finger towards the old shelf away from her.

Charu is surprised and adjusts the oxygen mask covering on Grandmother's nose and mouth.

She moves towards the old shelf and finds the shelf is locked. She is disappointed and comes back to Grandmother's bed. When she adjusts the pillow she finds an old rusted key.

Grandmother says yes with her eyes.

Charu opens the shelf. When she moves her hand into the shelf the books on the shelf fallen.

Charu's hands smelt like old books and dust got accumulated on her clothes.

Charu felt embarrassed. Eww. So much dust on the books. She tells herself.

When she separates the books she felt surprised by seeing the picture on a book.

A middle-aged woman with no eyes but had Tears, nose, and lips. She got thrilled by remembering the picture in the book she purchased at the bookstore attached to the library.

There something was written at bottom of the picture in Sanskrit. 

As Charu studied Sanskrit in school she tried to read it. Antharjanam she pronounced it again and again.

Antharjanam Antharjanam there is resound in her ears.

Charu intrigued and took the book to Grandmother.

Grandma, what is this? Why are you calling me antharjanam? Charu is asking continuously.

When she thought that Grandma can't speak much she decided to study the book by herself by sitting on the chair near Grandma.

Charu reading the book out loud by understanding the lines written in Sanskrit.

You are an antharjanam, meant to live pure and tame.

Charu's voice is trembling while reading.

Like Savitri, whose name you never heard, your mother too an antharjanam from the Namboodiri men's community. But not in my mind.

In our generation, we faced a lot of restrictions to go out.

It is the destiny of a girl who was born into the Namboodiri families.

But, things were changed a bit after 1900. When Kuriyedhatu Thatri(sometimes called Savitri) started revealing the names of her clients in her trial for prostitution the king stopped the trial.

Some reforms have to be indulged by Namboodiri men to make their place respectable after this. Some Namboodiri families allowed the girls to have basic education.

It took so many years for women to come out of restrictions.

Your mother and father are the best couples I have ever seen. Everything is perfect till your father met an astrologer.

When your mother is about to deliver an astrologer visited and said about you.

He said you are nothing but Savitri. You will make your father's life miserable. You will ruin the happiness of your family.

Your father who believed in astrology wished for your death. By the grace of God, it didn't happen.

Your mother delivered you to the forest and dead. I lost my daughter. I took you from her and ran towards the city.

Mani Oomen and his wife helped us by treating you as their daughter. They adopted you and promised to take care of you.

Unfortunately, Mani Oomen's wife died in an accident and you lost your mother for the second time.

By this time Charu's tears started dropping on pages.

But, you have to know one thing. You have to be careful. Your real father may be crazy enough to kill you by any means. He is not human anymore.

                  - your Grandmother

                  -

Charu felt devastated after reading the book. She rubbed her Grandmother's forehead with gratitude and kissed.

Charu tried to sleep but the truth about her father is disturbing.

When Thatri revealed names of her client's men got feared.

Even in today's society people talk, joke, and discuss women doing prostitution. No one talks about men who visit for sex.

In many scandals, the name of a man doesn't come out. It was a woman. People forget the basic question. To whom she is doing prostitution?

Where is the man? Why their names not mentioned and highlighted?

Charu is recollecting the matter in law books. She felt restless.

All the laws look incomplete to her.

She felt someone is restricting her breath. She tried to open her eyes. She felt her body became light and she is traveling through time.

The next day newspapers had an obituary that has written about the death of a bright law student Charu due to depression.

Her Grandmother has some secrets unwritten in the book.