We Needed You

When you're a kid, you colour with reckless abandon. You colour outside the lines. You colour however you feel blue elephant, purple trees, red bears, green ocean. It's all good. I used to daydream about the world I invented. You see there is something special about dreams, either we die completing them or we wake up. I used to imagine about all the creatures of my world, and the thought that I will control them fascinated me. We don't understand the things we dream, we just find more comfort in dreaming.

And now I am 31 who is not able to sleep, in medical terms suffering from insomnia for the last 8 months.

In insomnia everything is copy of a copy of a copy of a copy.

I think people find more peace in giving advice if they are not affected by it. They suggested me many ideas to sleep. I didn't asked for their advice but because of civilization no one can live in solitude. Every time I try to sleep I hear voices not specifically of an individual but like a crowd shouting. Everyone judges everyone, that's the reality which no one accepts but with my problem its like straight way entry to stereotype town where I am not a normal person. It's not only about sleep you know, you also lose your mind. You feel like you woke up on the wrong side of the reality. There are times when those eyes inside your brain stare back at you. Sometimes I feel like I am falling into a deep hole and I can't see the end to that which scares me. We are all museums of fear. I have tried so many drugs just so that I can find that tiny space which will give me shelter from the terrible reality, but nothing helped which I think is the only truth on this earth...

"NOTHING HELPS..."

After a year or so I was sitting on my chair. It was around midnight and the next thing I remember is that many different voices whispering to me. They are the prayers of the inhabitants of my imaginary world which I used to dream about. To them it has been hundred years since I abandoned them. They are asking me where did you go when you left this planet?

WE NEEDED YOU.

I thought I was creating something but I became the architect of my own destruction.