They Left My Papa

"Your first love is a luxury, second love is an opportunity but your third love is your last chance. Hold onto it very tightly, daughter." Papa clenches his fists and gestures to be holding something firmly.

"There was this girl I loved very much. I had loved her for three years. And then, I learned to love her intimately. Love is a path that one must walk on with caution."

I flush. Papa often likes to talk about love and its complications. I know why.

"Whenever I looked at him, I couldn't take my eyes off her. It was a long-distance relationship. Back in my days, it was harder. We'd meet once every three months and she'd go away. Then, every passing day, her memories would fade. I'd revisit the places I'd visited with her and try to remember her being there."

He loved her last lover very much.

"I'd look at her and I could see myself getting married to this girl.

When I stood with her, I knew all my days ahead had to be built more carefully, making room for her, because one day, she was supposed to move in with me."

But Papa couldn't marry her.

"But also, somehow, when I looked at her, I often got stuck on a strong feeling- that one of these days, she was going to break my heart. She would tell me she turned sharp when she shattered. I would tell her. I would never break her.

Yet, she said she'll break my heart. Her words and giggles made me a wreck. She did this knowingly or unknowingly, I don't know. Only one of us had hope. She'd say, 'one of these days, we'll end.' And I'd say, 'we might. That's okay. But one must not lose all hope when there is love. When there is no hope, there are no efforts or a place to attempt to stay.'"

My mom abandoned us soon after having me.

"When she left, I reasoned with myself,' I was never going to be her last lover. I was just next in line.' It's okay for love to leave, but the saddest thing about this whole goddamn affair was that one of us held onto the other one tighter. It was like the two of us held the two ends of an elastic band. The distance continued to stretch and one day, she let go."