The Reluctant Plansman

When I had I thought of visiting the Great Meadows was a blue sky, the sun shining brightly in the sky, and cool, calming zephyrs. I even brought one of those foldable fishing chairs and even a damn portable picnic table. Oh, what a day it was to be. I’d planned it for weeks. I bought a nice book, downloaded -illegally- two comedy films off the internet, and I also hoarded a bunch of snacks and I even bought a few muffins and a pastry to enjoy out in the fields. I requested two days off at my job: I would drive out to the meadows, pitch up my tent, and leave the next evening. Why not go on a weekend? I have other stuff to do. And no, I don’t want to get into it. So anyway, I thought I was heading to the Meadows for two days of sheer bliss. Like any bad movie, there was obviously disaster coming. I just wish I had foreseen it. There I was, humming to myself, driving my jeep, happily speeding towards the disaster of a lifetime. I didn’t know it then obviously, but I can’t say I wasn’t warned. My heart slowly sank as the sky darkened, the bright blue and the brilliant yellowish hues of the sun faded into a deep grey. I knew it before it came; the scent of rain was in the air. I drove my jeep towards the small woods near the Meadows, and parked under some trees. 

At least my car was covered on the top. I’d be dry. A part of me was telling me to just cut my losses and leave, I could just come back another time. But I was a stubborn man. Still am. So I pulled my tent out of the back with a vengeance and dragged it out into the forest clearing, and trudged up the small hill that led to the started the Great Meadows. And what I saw next, I could not believe. Not a hundred meters away were a large group of men in large black robes, almost like sheets with holes for eyes. At first my mind went to a few overgrown children having a Helloween party; but then I saw the wheel standing upright smack in the middle of the field, and also the gagged and bound man tied to it. And also the copious amounts of firewood and canisters of gasoline under him. My heart began to pound so hard, I swear my breast pocket began to move with each beat. Sweat began to soak my I shirt, and I felt like fainting. I knew exactly what I was looking at: one of the mysterious, hallowed meetings of the Pu Plux Plan. 

The PPP was one of the most dangerous organizations around, and I had stumbled into its famed annual gathering. The Plan was a classist organization that consisted of society’s lowest echelons, the gutter scum, who believed that mid-level workers and executives were the cause of the suffering of the proletariat, and I honestly found it stupid, mainly because I was the regional manager at my office, and the kind of men they vilified in their ridiculous radio broadcasts. In other words, if they heard a peep from me or saw my gawking face at the top of the hill, I’d be next on their little “Wheel of Fortune.”

Like any reasonable person would do, I ran back down the hill towards my car. But I couldn’t leave my tent behind, so like a fool, I dragged it back down while trying to run. In my head, a voice chided “Coward! You’re leaving behind that poor man! The PPP’s going to kill him!” Immediately after, my more rational side yelled back “Well obviously, idiot, and unless you want to end up next to him, you’ll shut the hell up.” I had finally reached my jeep, but before I could stuff the tent bag into the back, two figures shrouded in flowing black robes materialized from behind the trees. “Well, look what we have here,” snarled one, while the other muttered “The Grand Planner will be very pleased, indeed.” And then they hit me in the head with a wooden cudgel. I had no idea what they thought would happen, probably that I would faint immediately, but instead of falling on the ground unconscious, my nostrils were flooded with blood, and the ground around me was splattered in crimson. They’d only edged my nose, and I could sense that it wasn’t too bad. But the pain, the pain was unbearable. Still, I leapt from the ground and ran with all the strength I had left. Adrenaline surged through me, and the panic and fear ran rampant inside my stomach. I could hear the yells and crunching of twigs and leaves behind me, indicating that my pursuers were closer than I thought. I could sense my strength fading, and I realized that I probably couldn’t go on for much longer. 

I’d tried flight, and it hadn’t worked, so I realized the only option left to do was to confront my assailants. It turned out to be a better idea than running; it turns out that men don’t fare well in fights while intoxicated. When I abruptly stopped and turned around, one of the Plansmen stumbled over his oversized black sheet, falling flat on his face. The other one was slightly more alert, and managed to get into a fighting position, waving his club about. I immediately picked up a stone and threw it on his face. Surprisingly, it was enough to make him drop the cudgel and stunned him for a brief few seconds. I leapt for it, but once I picked it up, I had no idea what to do. Due to my unfortunate indecision, the Plansman recovered and tried to punch me, but missed. 

Panicking, I slammed the short club square into his face. Blood poured out of his mouth, and the black robes darkened even more somehow. When he opened his mouth, I retched and then tried to swallow, vomit clotting my throat. Almost all his teeth were knocked in, his mouth now a gaping hole. The blow had also disfigured most of the man’s face, blood slowly dripping from every small cut. By this time, I was on the ground, heaving out my guts, and by the time I was done, I realized both men were on the ground. I crawled to a nearby tree and sat under it, burying my face in my hands. I thought I would cry, but I was too tired to. My head was flooding with feelings of shame, guilt, anger, helplessness, annoyance, vengeance, but more than anything, all I wanted to do was just rest… for a few minutes. 

When I woke up, the sky was dark, but it wasn’t night yet. I could barely see the stars. The weather also worsened considerably, because it was somehow humid and cold at the same time, and I began to shiver, but also sweat. With a groan, I lifted myself off the ground and slowly trudged back towards what I thought was the direction of the car. Careful not to crunch any leaves or twigs under my feet, I trod lightly on rocks and stumps. Someone must have been sent to look out for the two men that had chased me, and… I hadn’t even thought to check if the men were dead or incapacitated, meaning that if they found me in the dark woods, I was practically dead. I shuddered, thinking of whatever cruel punishments they might inflict on me if I was caught. And just as that thought passed, I saw the silhouettes of two limping figures. A fog was setting in, and I realized this was my chance to get out of there, and the Plansmen would be none the wiser. Before I could make my great escape, I heard yells: “We found the jeep! Slash the tires! He could try escaping!” “Right! And search the forest, dammit, he’s still in there!”

I realized that my time on the Wheel was close, unless I figured something out quickly. I saw that the two Plansmen were hurrying towards the voices, and I ran, or at least tried to run, after them. I caught up quickly, and picked up a stone and threw it straight at one of their heads. The body crumpled onto the ground. The other one turned around and lunged for me and tackled me to the ground. I desperately groped around on the dark forest floor, and found a small, spiny branch. At this point, the man was attempting to strangle me, but I used the thin branch to poke him in the face and when he let go of my throat with a cry of agony, I crawled away and tried to get up on my knees, but the Plansman recovered and kicked me in the face. I wasn’t a fighter; that was all I could take. 

When I awoke, I felt like I was flying… no, I couldn’t move. I was hanging. Upside down, at that, and my arms were tied to the sides of… a wheel. I looked around me, and I saw a small ocean of black shapes, a fire roaring beneath me. At first I couldn’t feel the flames, but I realized that they were spinning the wheel, slowly allowing the flames to lick the bottom of my now bare feet. I tried to flail and scream, but I realized I was biting into a nasty smelling rag of some sort. No one could hear me. The Plansmen slowly turned the Wheel of Fortune away from the fire, and removed the gag. “Any last words, you little turd?” Snarled the Plansman manning the Wheel, while the others chortled at my misery. And I said the magic words that saved my life, but in a way, also destroyed it. “I’ll do anything! Please, just don’t kill me!” I admit, I should have handled it better than wail in such a cliché way, perhaps even just requested a faster death. But I’d never been so frightened. 

“Hear that boys? Well, sir, just what the hell do you have that might interest us?” “I-I have my jeep-” “Already took it. And everything in it.” “I have my house! And a bank account with some money!” “Well, looks like we caught a big fish, didn’t we? Well, we’ll be taking those too. But that’ll just grant you a faster death… If you want to live...” and it was here that I should have realized what they were suggesting. But I couldn’t have known, could I? “What do you want me to do? I’ll do Anything! Anything!” Anything… and I did. I donned the black robes, quit my job, and joined the Pu Plux Plan. My life was gone as I had known it, but I had no choice. My indoctrination was never completed and I didn’t believe a word of their nonsense, but I had no choice. My fate was sealed. I was now, however reluctantly, a Plansman. Some perfect day that turned out to be...