The Narcissist

Kritika said that in college she was receiving four proposals from boys every year. Ramesh did not pay heed to that. He ignored her behavior. He should have taken that behavior or hers as a warning of her narcissist tendencies. Her behavior ranged from battling apparent unwanted male attention, to feeling she was the target of all lascivious street Romeos singing bawdy songs and that she needed protection when she was out alone. She was one of those simpering females who gather a troupe to walk to the toilet or water cooler for fear of being eve-teased or approached by senior boys. Women hate their attitude, but with a guy like Ramesh, who always ends up in the friend or the bhai zone, such women get good body guards and helps.

Before Ramesh knew it, he was buying her breakfast, finishing her presentation and being at her beck and call. In hindsight, Ramesh realized Kritika possessed a sense of entitlement and imagined I owed it to her. When Ramesh and Kritika started to date, the latter’s expressions became more grandiose. On her birthday, she did not think a chocolate cake for two and a bunch of flowers was romantic. She pouted, threw a glamorous tantrum and not so gently reminded me of the party that Namrata’s boyfriend Sumant had thrown her after office hours. Sumant needs to be smacked for setting the benchmark.

If there was a narcissist pattern in Kritika’s behavior, Ramesh did not pick that up when they were dating. Ramesh noticed that she never lavished attention on him with grand gestures, however, she showed her love, through extreme possessiveness. Funnily enough, Ramesh felt good about it, as he felt honored that she was insecure about his love for her. She hardly had girl-friends. Her full focus was on Ramesh. Kritika would shed copious tears to make Ramesh feel guilty when he made plans with friends, and slowly, he began to feel that he was being unfair to her by spending time away from her.

Their wedding was a grand affair, because according to her, she deserved it. The first few months were blissful. Kritika swooped over and took charge of Ramesh’s life. She chose his clothes. She decided she deserved the bigger and more spacious wardrobes and Ramesh was relegated to using the guest room wardrobe. But Ramesh was happy because she took care of Ramesh’s needs and maintained a perfect home. She expected perfection and took the moral high road when Ramesh faltered or sullied her perfect home. She chose the movies they watched, the music that they heard and the places they holidayed in. Kritika genuinely believed that it was what both of them wanted and not just what she wanted.

Kritika was still unhappy. She’d met Ramesh’s boss’ wife, a socialite who lived the high life. Kritika imagined that was the pinnacle of her self-indulgence and quit. She began to spend her days in kitty parties. Looking back Ramesh realized she was never a hardworking person, but liked to be pampered, so she quit her job.

She decided who among Ramesh’s friends were of suspicious character, who were a bad influence or selfish, whose life was out of her league and therefore not worth socializing with and who was out to break their marriage. Ramesh would secretly meet his friends, because he was ashamed to admit that she had driven a wedge between him and his friends.

Kritika hated Ramesh’s parents and his sister. It built slowly. It started with little things. Like when Ramesh bought a sari for both her and his mother, she felt annoyed that Ramesh had not chosen a more expensive sari for her. She was enraged when Ramesh bought a watch for his sister. Kritika liked to be the center of attention, so she hated it when Ramesh celebrated mother’s day with his mother before Kritika became a mother.

However, when she became a mother, she was devoted one. So devoted that Ramesh felt their children would be smothered with her love one day. Nevertheless, she overlooked every aspect of her narcissism because she took excellent care of them. The children, in turn worshipped her and Ramesh suppressed the feeling that they loved her more than him.

When Kritika flew into famous rages, she never hesitated in smashing objects. However, she always hurled the unbreakable or unimportant stuff; the children’s plastic toys or shoes when they littered, a steel plate or a set of ugly cups that Ramesh’s friend had gifted them. Ramesh never worried, even though her anger worried him sometimes.

One Friday night, Ramesh was working on a presentation. She began to complain about the impending arrival of his parents to their home for the month because their house was undergoing repairs. Ramesh ignored her, saying he needed to finish his work, but the truth was that he did not wish to waste time and energy having another argument. As it is, she had shed tears for nearly the whole of the previous week when Ramesh had agreed to the arrangement with his parents.

Ramesh’s not responding to her tantrums did not go down well with her. Before Ramesh could fathom the mood shift, she picked up his laptop and hurled it out of their sixth floor window.

That was the last straw. For the first time, Ramesh felt genuine fury. So much so that he was afraid he would do something that he would regret later. So he packed his bags, took the children and left. He hated the thought of being with her when she was at her worst behavior. They checked into a hotel and stayed there to cook off. As it always happened with her, she came to her senses in a few hours. Kritika called him several times and sent several messages apologizing profusely. However, Ramesh refused to take the bait.

By Sunday night, Ramesh and his children went back home. The children had to get back to normal life. They had a long chat. Were they happy with each other? What will happen to the children if they part ways? This question bothered both of them. Therefore, Ramesh convinced her that they should go for counselling. She reluctantly agreed and here they were. Ramesh was wondering if the sessions would help or he would not hesitate to end the marriage.