Sylvia Eaton

Tragedy Drama

5.0  

Sylvia Eaton

Tragedy Drama

The Hole In My Heart

The Hole In My Heart

4 mins
581


I never knew what life was until he came. My words pushed people away. My days were spent talking about life as if it were some dead thing that interested me in only the most abstract way. I was just a shell filled with what others said. A sheep they could lead anywhere they wanted. I filled my head with lies. I could believe I wasn't lonely. I didn't love. She saw through my lies. I resisted when her hands tried to pull me back to life. I was incapable of love. I would just hurt her. Her lips kept asking, but I couldn't understand. ''No'' was the only word I knew. She kept asking. The first week I looked at myself. What did she see? My eyes were the same dull colour. I could still hear her words. Why did she love me? My heart jumped. I wanted to know. Her face was lost as I said "Yes".


As I sat in the back row with my arm around her (a movie copied from some half-remembered movie.) I could see what the couple on the screen saw in each other's eyes. I can still remember the moment when we said our goodbyes. The soft glow from the porch light.The way our lips fumbled together. Her eyes as they sparkled while she gradually drifted away. I could sell my soul to live this moment again. Her soft giggle will always haunt me. The world that greeted me the same one I'd lived in for seventeen years. Something had changed as I danced home. The world was softer. She thought of me to listen. I could feel what I tried to ignore my whole life. For the First time, I could talk of myself. My mind started racing. If she could care so deeply for me, what about others? My family. My friends. I began to give back the love I felt. I caught myself smiling the other day. I'll probably try it again. Before, I thought of love as some dead thing that would never affect me. My words would protect me. She helped topple my house of lies. I know what love is and I'm ready to give back the same love to her. My heart broke into pieces when I heard she drifted away. I wish I could tell her How much I Love her! But it's too late now, she's gone. She thought of me more than any book could. I never knew what life was until I met her.


We had crossed paths once again in life's highway.

She looks deep into my eyes, not with a look of love or caring, but of guilt. "Who was she ?" I ask, trying to hold back my anger and hurt. "Some girl....you wouldn't know her,' 'he says calmly, as if not knowing her would lessen the blow. I try to look at her, but I find that all I can do is to focus on the floor and hope the tears swelling up in my eyes don't start pouring down. I can feel her slowly moving closer, and her hand rests on my shoulder to comfort me. I quickly shrug her hand away, not wanting the reassurance that everything will be okay. Everything will not be okay. I want to scream at her and tell her how hurt I am. I want her to feel the pain I'm feeling. I want her to tell me she lied, that she never really cheated, that it was all a sick joke. I could forgive her for a Joke, but not for this. I can no longer handle my emotions.Tears roll down my face and burn my cheeks. I begin to sob and sniffle, and my heart begins to hurt. I look up just long enough to see that she's also crying. Good, I think. Cry. Feel the pain. Hurt inside, just like me. We sit without talking what seems like an eternity , but is only a few minutes. We both are crying. "I'm sorry ''she mumbles over and over. ''I'm sorry, I never meant to hurt you. l'm Sorry. I'm Sorry.''

Her apologies make me cry harder. I think of all the times she told me she loves me and how it all means nothing now.I think of her with another man, laughing and having fun. She finally leaves me to drown in my emotions. I wonder, Should I forgive her? Should I leave her? Will I be able to see her with another man, especially the one causing all this pain? What should I do? I know no matter what I do, it will never be the same. There will always be an empty feeling, like a hole in my heart. Now I understand what life is. I never knew what life was until I met her, leaving me with a hole in my heart.


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