The Fizzling Campaign

The important meeting was called by the Ministry of Women and Child Welfare in Delhi. The agenda was to discuss the growing obesity among children in the urban India and measures to tackle the same. The issue not restricted to the children of the metropolis but also encompassed Tier-2 and 3 cities as well. The meeting was attended by well known NGOs who were typically attired in their designer Khadi Kurtas and the women were draped in Fab India designed sarees. Cola honchos were also there who successfully marketed the fizzy drinks of no value to the children, one of the causes for the child obesity. Some of them have been educated in IITs and IIMs and mis-using their intellect to devise clever marketing strategies to target the children. A noted social media moghul Mr Quirk Zuckering from the US of A was also present. Many were wondering what he was doing there.

The Minister opened the topic and thundered that easy access to junk foods and fizzy drinks were the main causes for child obesity. She glared at the cola honchos as she thundered, and the honchos could not bear her glare and looked down. Moraji Baba suggested they market P-cola instead and touted it as a healthy alternative. P-cola, he averred, was based on extensive research done by the Indian Vedic Research Organization.

Cola honchos made a plea to consider the GDP contribution of the cola companies. Not only that lakhs of livelihoods are involved in the manufacturing and sale of these products and we need to look at the problem in totality. Compared to the leader Mexico’s per capita consumption of 728 packs (of 8 ounces) India merely consumes 12 packs only. So much to expand not only the market but also the children’s waist butted a nutrition NGO representative angrily.

Media Moghul intervened and said that child obesity is far too serious a problem, India would sink in its own weight at this rate and the resulting sea over flow would drown many neighbourhood countries. In US he said that we have successfully campaigned using cartoon icons to tackle the child obesity and showed a picture of a green frog called “Kermit” in a drunken like stupor amidst strewn bottles.

The Bollywood Khan who thrived on social issues capitalised on the suggestion and said he would volunteer his time for such a relevant theme. We need to do a ‘dil mange no more’ type campaign, he opined. When the Minister enquired about “copy right” issue, Khan said “right to copy” is Bollywood birth right and said that wouldn’t be an issue.

Ms Khanna with a ‘twinkle’ in her eye proposed a script. Morarji Baba wondered if Khan would also agree to market P-cola as part of the social campaign. The representative from Desi Media said they would work with Khan and make the P-cola the ‘new taste of India.’

One Fab India Sari clad svelte purred if Khan would do a ‘Padman’ type of move as she would also be interested to volunteer her time.

Minister was quite pleased as she sensed a consensus being reached. For the first time we were able to reach a consensus quickly and said “obese child in need” requires a “campaign indeed” completed the Khan.

As she called the meeting to a close, the peon served a chilled bottle of a cola drink along with vada pav sponsored by the desi junk food chain ‘Goli Khao.’ ‘Goli Khao’ was a start- up set up by Gabbar Singh of the Olay fame and supported by the newly set up Ministry of All Things Desi. Nobody batted an eye lid as they greedily fbit into the saturated fat vada pav and sipped their sugar fix cola.