Strength: My Weakness

Often boys are considered as strong; but what if a girl is expected to be stronger?

From childhood, I was taught to stay stronger even if everything goes down. You might think I am a boy but no: I am a girl!!! I am stronger than my brother. I didn't complain even if I had regrets; I didn't cry even if I was hurt; I didn't lose my smile even if I was not happy; I didn't share my sorrow so others won't think that I am weak or unable to solve my problems. Some saw me as emotionless, so some as arrogant.

Once my enemy was crying in front of me and I felt for her. I tried to strengthen her in a way I knew by asking her not to think much about it and be strong. I even told her my secret how to calm down and take back tears for which she was obliged but in return of my one single comment "Stop crying on little things"; (which was taught to me) I got to listen that I didn't cry because I didn't have feelings. How can a person say such things when they even didn't know that I only pretend not to cry but my pillow knew how much I used to get hurt. That comment haunted me for a time but eventually I came over it with few of my happy memories.

Life is quite cruel. She waits to harm you at right time and in a right way. Another incident was when I got less marks (as my parents always expected me to be topper). It was time when everyone got less marks and every girl was crying including me. But as you know by now I am quite good at suppressing my feelings. I would give myself 'A' grade in acting because no one noticed my watery eyes. But sometimes you get caught because you do not know someone was observing you. A guy who had crush on me saw my one tear flowing down which I gracefully hid from others but could not hide from him. I am glad he just judged my expression and gave me my water-bottle to drink and left me saying "Its fine. All are on same page". It encouraged me to an extent but again when I went to my friends who were crying told me," you do not care! You even didn't shed a tear".

Is it really crying means you are upset? Why cant a person just be quiet or irritated when he/she is upset? Maybe she didn't like crying in front of all. Just maybe she doesn't want to upset others who get upset by seeing her/him upset. Maybe she cried her eyes out while she slept and can't cry anymore. Maybe she is so good at acting that she can take her tears back even if they come to surface. Maybe she controls it so that her nose and eyes do not turn red and her body does not warm up and she/he does not get fever. Just maybe she want to look strong; not emotionless, robot or careless.

Now I have too many such memories that I can cry even on little things!!!