Stand In Your Truth!

No matter where you begin, you end somewhere. Isn't it? 1 day to go for 2019 and I am wondering about the way it has panned out for me. So many memories, so much growth, much-awaited acknowledgment of my hard work and a handful of disappointments. All and all, a good recipe for a balanced life I must say. Nothing in excess!

When I look back at this year I feel there were many moments where I said exactly what I wanted to and that is what I cherish the most. I am not a person who can do that very often as I am constantly trying to balance out situations even when the imbalance is not created because of me. It is my need sort of. I gave it up this year to a great extent. Feels good! I sort of started understanding how this real-world works and that is a change I had never anticipated in myself as I never really bothered about the world around me, but it happened! My world was always my family, but today I value the lessons and the gratifications that the outside world has to offer with as much ease as those that I have learned in my house.

This year I have reminisced a lot of old friends from my college days and have contemplated their place in my life. I know that there are some who have just by their way of being helped me understand that I need to work hard for whatever I want in my life and I take this moment to express gratitude to them. I most certainly am aware that not always did they really mean to help me, and most of the times I never appreciated their ways. But today, I am not going to complain because I have understood that they are what they are for a reason, just as, I am what I am for a reason. This understanding will help me make room for them while still being able to sail through my own journey independently and that is a good thing. I will always remember 2019 for this growth that happened in me and I really hope this change always stays with me…

This year I was able to make time for myself to a great extent. It is only the beginning in that I did meaningful things alone without succumbing to the discomfort or distractions around me. I sort of found a better version of my younger self who used to depend on work and spending time with friends for being able to be happy. Not that those things are bad, but it is not always possible to throw yourself into work and many times my friends are busy, and we cannot catch up. So, it was important for me to get a grip of myself and thus I meditated, gave a good amount of time for writing, did not find a rescue to the unrest in my mind by eating and most importantly stopped leaning on people around me for support.

The benefits I realize are huge! My mind is much calmer, my writing is better than before and continues to evolve, I am in decent shape and good health and most importantly, I do not have to worry about how I look or how much I weigh! I have understood the importance of reasonable deadlines for myself in every aspect of my life, thus I live each day happily as it comes, doing everything with love and satisfaction. I now plan dinner or lunch parties or meetings with people I really want to be with, when I want to, and there is no unnecessary clutter in my life. It has made a lot of difference to be able to learn to be alone in the past three years and this year I sort of mastered it although I love to be social and around people. What I have realized is that I do not depend on it anymore and that is a very good thing as it now helps me connect with people in a more meaningful way.

As I penned down my thoughts for this year that has passed I also realized that I do not do this as a regular practice and most certainly I have never reflected on my growth in terms of how ‘I’ changed. My reflections, although seldom have always been predominantly in association with what was my work accomplishments or which trips I took or whether there were some significant changes in my family. There is nothing wrong with that, however, this time I feel the effort has been channelized solely to bettering myself as a human being which I have always wanted but had never really known how I should do it. 2019 for me marks the end of a decade that has given me experiences and opportunities which helped me nourish my soul at the forefront enabling me to understand that I do not have to do anything that is not in alignment with its evolution for the better and that I need to be vigilant about it which I feel is the biggest gift. As 2020 unfolds I look forward to growing myself spiritually and evolving to be a person who is able to understand and balance her life mission with her soul mission and that is a huge challenge!