Sinner Stomach, Innocent Me!

I guess that each & every human irrespective of their gender has a particular organ or a body part which is an enemy or too critical of its master. One which reacts or behaves very abnormally, every time when there’s some important stuff going around at that particular moment. Before you draw some weird conclusions let me assure you that this story is suitable of all ages (*wink* wink*). To give you an example I’ve heard people throwing tantrums like ‘I’m a good person but my tongue doesn’t co-operate’ or ‘I love exams but my brain doesn’t co-operate’ (I know you smiled after reading the second example & it’s relatable to you. If not, then please get a life bro! ). However, in my case the biggest enemy is my STOMACH (yes ladies & gentlemen, you read that right!)

NON- COOPERATION MOVEMENT

If you are a hardcore Bollywood lover & have watched movies of the 50s-80s you would know that in each & every movie there’s at least one monologue where ‘paapi pet’ comes into the picture ( FYI: you are not qualified as a Bollywood lover if you only watch Classic movies & not the nonclassic ones. Thank me later!!!!!!). Before going further, let me admit that the stomach was one of the favorite parts of my body during childhood. Though the stomach was never close to my heart but little far from it, we had no problem initially & were growing together. However after a certain age it became rebellious to me & started doing of its own. The behavior was as same as your sibling who would never listen to you & would always do the opposite things of whatever you say to them. Thus our ‘compatibility issues’ started & since then my stomach is observing ‘non- cooperation movement’ against me. (Sorry Gandhiji, I hope you don’t read this write-up). With this, its betrayal for me started too, just to satisfy the ego (how selfish!).

I would like to share some incidents where I could prove my stomach as guilty & me as innocent.

CHILLA CHILLA K SABKO BATATA HAI

This happens to me most of the time & I know my stomach does it purposely. Every time I go to any silent place with lots of people around like the library, peacefully attend lectures or stand in a queue my stomach leaves no stones turned to embarrass me. I don’t know how does it plan but somehow manages to make weird noises which sound like a 2-year-old child attempting beat-boxing. What follows next is scarier – the looks, creepy smiles & innumerable gossips from people around me. The explanation from the dear stomach for all this stunt is simply – aise hi sexy lag raha tha.

ALWAYS IN THE FOREFRONT

So MR. / MS. Stomach (I don’t know what ‘gender’ it prefers) is unrealistically competitive. This unhealthy competition of always leading first has ruined so many pictures of mine (*CRIESSSSSS*) & inculcated inferior complex as well. I aspire to look like Poo Kabhi Khushi Kabhi Gham but my stomach is conspiring against me so that I look like Poo with an ‘h’ in the end from Winnie the Pooh. Thus, in short wherever I go, it’s MR./MS. A stomach that reaches first followed by me & my insecurities.

HAS MAHAGATHBANDHAN WITH OTHER INTERNAL ORGANS

This ‘not so innocent’ organ of mine has been weaving traps & I’m sure it has very cunningly made my uterus & bladder on its side. For eg: The unbearable pains & cramps during periods actually make me (or any other woman) feel sick. Also, most of the time my periods will come exactly at that moment when I have to attend an important event. It seems like these mahagathbandhan people have some telepathic conversation going on inside. Another example that I would like to cite is I’m surely relatable to everyone irrespective of their gender. This particular phenomenon is called as ‘The Bladder Blunder’ by me. It happened with me so many times that I’m stuck in a very serious situation & instead of helping me my bladder decides to release its toxin without my consent. The feeling is exactly as same as your friend giving you spoilers of an interesting movie or web series just when you have started watching it & the worst part is you can’t even avoid it ( please maintain distance against these kinds of friends. They are dangerous than Corona). Generally, it is called Nature’s call but in my case it’s Harassment by ‘Ang Sangh’. 

YEH PET MAANGE MORE      

If anyone asks me to name my stomach using geography I would lovingly call it as ‘Bermuda Triangle’ because whatever goes inside, the majority of it doesn’t come outside. Every 30 mins I get a reminder from my stomach to fill it with some yummy & gorgeous food just like your mother reminding you every minute how the problem of losing your hair on the scalp or getting acne on the face at a young age is directly proportional to using of mobile phones constantly. (I know there’s no logic behind it but I dare you to ask about the logic to your mother at your own risk). I won’t elaborate on this point much because I know this is everyone’s problem. But I just want my readers to know what kind of conversation takes place between food & my stomach:

Unhealthy Junk Food with Innumerable Calories: Mere itne bhi kareeb mat aao, main tumhe barbaad kar dungi.

My Stomach: Main barbaad hona chahta hoon.

(P.S. This conversation has background music too which sounds like thousands of mobile phones vibrating at the same time)

MANN KI BAAT

Despite so many imperfections Mr./ Ms. Stomach is still a part of me. I know I’m not the only one who has these kinds of ego problems with the stomach or frankly speaking ‘body issues’ with self but I think the least I can do is accept my body as it is because the words like ‘exercise’ & ‘healthy lifestyle’ refrain to enter into my life’s dictionary. So all the beautiful souls out there hating your body & eventually yourself here’s a fortune cookie message for you –

EMBRACE YOUR IMPERFECTIONS PERFECTLY.