School Life Love

It's all about love. Everybody has their own definition of love. Some define it as a sweet poison, some say it is a deep-sea having no limits. Everyone modifies its meaning according to their experience because love is a feeling we all had experienced. If someone says that I never experienced love then probably they are lying. But here is my story, there is something unique because I can't define love. I am having lots of questions in my mind and lots of thoughts related to love. But before I get thick into things i would like to explain to you that who I am.

So my name is Kamalaksh Sharma and my friends call me Kunj. I recently completed my Graduation and My age is about 24 years. This is the story of my school life and my first and last love till now. I belong to a middle-class family, and since my childhood, I don't want any expenses in my life, I wanted to live a very simple and comfortable peaceful life. I don't care what people think about me, what they spoke behind my back but i have the same attitude towards all and due to this behavior I don't have a bunch of friends but I am happy with what I have. It's better to be alone than to have a fake friend.

My life was passing very smoothly till I entered in my new school for my further studies. On my first day I stand in front of the school's main gate and I was thinking about how I will pass two years in that school, I planned that I would study hard to get a good grade, to make my parents proud. I got the admission in 11th standard and I was searching for the room, I found a guy standing in the shade of a tree and I asked him for help me to reach there, his name was Pavas and he became my first friend there. He told me that he also joined that school two years back and he was also my classmate, he also told me about the experience he had there.

After I entered the class, Pavas started introducing me to the class. Everyone was very much excited to join me. He also introduced me to his close friends. My first day was full of fun and excitement. I was yearning to go there on the second day and hopefully that time had arrived. That day there is something new in the class, I was observing that there is a new girl in the class. I was thinking about that in between Pavas came and took me to that girl and introduced me to her. Her name was Snigdha, She was pretty good looking girl, having a black hairband on his head, she was looking gorgeous and simple which touched my heart. At that time I was not hearing what Pavas is telling about me to her. My pupils were expanding and I was measuring the deepness of her brown eyes. My throat became dry and I was swallowing my saliva, My ears stop working and I was not able to move my neck and eyes. I found myself frozen there.

She was smiling and which makes my heart skipping a beat. The vibrations coming from her voice were creating a magnetic effect on my mind. My life was stopped at that point and That moment was like a never ending moment for me. This was one of the best moments I have experienced so far in my life, But after that incident I put my feelings in the suitcase and throw the key in the pond. Days passed and we were promoted to a new class and I had a few more friends in my friend circle. I had a surrounding of friends who have crushes and girlfriends. There was an atmosphere of love all around me.

After getting inspired from my friends I too started finding my key of that suitcase but I failed. Few days later when we had a class test, Snigdha had a chat with me, which ultimately increased my level of feelings of love, at that time that suitcase burst and my feelings were start flowing here and there. I collected them and stored them in my heart. When i reached home and the evening arrived there was something special going with me. I don't know why but At the time of evening I was feeling and thinking about those moments again. I called Pavas and recited him my whole story. He was shocked at first but then he understands my feelings.

That day proved to be a big turning point in my life. Later on my all friends received my story, especially my old and true friend Moosa. He was not in that school but still he was my best friend. Now, my friends used to tell me about the behavior and incidents happening with Snighdha, and my mind was thinking that if I was there what I have done at that time. My mind created imaginary incidents. Now, I had only one face in my eyes. Which is making me weak and I found myself in the depth of the well of love. Then I used to draw love sketches and put myself there, I also started writing poems and quotes that's how my skills were get polished.

Days passed and December arrived. My friends start suggesting me that you should propose that girl and if you can't, you should at least confess your feelings, they also told that she will never give a bad answer. She will simply say no if she is not interested. But my mind says that no. I had a fear of losing her. But somehow these things strengthen my feeling of love and in the month of January, the date was about 6 or 7, I had a fever and I was coughing badly, due to which I took the over dose of cough syrup. My mind was not in my control I was listening to the famous song "sathi re thoda thehar ja" which ultimately makes me realize that I am having very little time left with her and I opened my social media account and send her a message that I love you.

I don't know how to confess love, I don't know how to make her feel special. I thought that she knows me very well and if I have done something wrong she would help me to make it correct. And I messaged her "I love you" . My brain was not in my control and I slept. Receiving that kind of message from anyone can disturb anyone and It was me who have done it.

I don't know what happened after that she scolded me. She told me to be in my limits. I was not expecting this from her. I was thinking that she will normally say no but her words really pinched my heart. I could hear her voice in my ears even it is text message. At that time I was feeling very bad and apologized. Many questions were circulating in my mind. Why I have done this? Is this me who done this? Is doing love is that much bad activity? Why she replied like this? Still today I am not able to find the answers to these questions but I totally understand that today, the definition of love is modified very much. I know that my love was true and pure, but today loving someone truly doesn't have any value.

Now a days playing with someone's feelings is called love. I still talk to her, but now I'm not interested in love. My heart is now having a fear for having that pain again. It doesn't want that pain back. I am not saying that true love doesn't exist but it is very rare to find. I have watched her soft voice converting into hard stones but still According to me it is impossible to define love by any combination of words. If you wanted to know what love is then you have to experience it. But remember one thing that loving someone is not an easy task.

Today I still talk to her, I share my views to her, I share my experience which I haven't shared with anyone. I always wish for her happiness. I hope that her future soulmate will give her as much love and happiness as she wants. I know if she doesn't love me I can't keep her smiling at me. If somehow I confess to her, she might say yes to me but I know that she will feel like her legs in shackles. My story seems to be incomplete, but I am happy with it because at the end she is happy in her life and I don't want to complete my love story by making her smile curve down.