Savior

I didn’t see the girl. But for the providence, would have hurt her very badly by walking over her tender foot!

The girl, hardly about 6 or 7 years old, was bending down to pick something from where she was sitting on a bench under the tree. The bench’s height was a bit too much for her and as such, she almost fell down to the footpath below even as I was walking aimlessly, completely submerged in my thoughts, stepped on her tender toes and her cry made me realise my mistake.

I sat down on the foot path next to the girl and gently rubbed her injured toes and looked at her. She had large brown eyes with very thick eye lashes; a few droplets of tears falling down. She wore reasonably good dress and didn’t look like a beggar girl. Then how come she was sitting here, all alone? I looked around to identify her parents or other relatives with whom she may have come; the street was full of vehicles and footpath of people who were all walking briskly and paid no attention.

I tried to lift the girl to put her back on the bench. She removed my hand, dusted her dress and gave me a look which I will never forget; “I can take care of myself.” She spoke in Hindi in a tone that appeared cultured. I sat next to her and watched her again. The girl was looking at me curiously. I didn’t know what to say as my mind was completely blank and simply stared at her, without uttering a word.

“Why are you so silent?” The girl asked me and I was startled by the sudden question and looked at her. She had wonderful complexion and thick long curly hair fell to her shoulder. She had an aristocratic nose and wore no ear rings. Her dress, a green coloured frock with large red flowers on it made her look like a princes. Her voice had a soothing effect on frying nerves; I recovered and spoke. “I don’t know what to say. First and foremost I should say I am very sorry I stepped on your toes. Does it still hurt?”

The girl looked with a mischievous smile on her face and spoke. “No pain. Do you know something? I think you look very ill. What were you thinking? I saw you approach me while I was bending down to pick the flower that just fell, from the corner of my eyes.”

I looked again at that girl and didn’t know what to say.

How could I tell her that I not only look sick but I am very, very sick, mentally? I was in such a dilemma that no son (or daughter) should ever face?

I remembered how happy and normal I was just last week. In just few days, my life went upside down; I was desperate, angry, betrayed and most importantly, humiliated to boot.

I barely saw the girl who was watching me very closely; my mind drifted to the events that made me to just fade away from this world.

“Nachiket? Oh my god! Where have you been? Your mobile was not reachable and the hospital said that you left almost six hours or so ago?” It was my wife who was virtually shouting at me even as I was about to enter my house.

I had left the car in the Hospital where I worked as cardiac surgeon and walked towards my home, wondering wherever my legs took me.

I looked at my wife and she came close to me and inspected me from head to toe.

“Are you drunk? What the hell is wrong with you Nachi? Already we have more problems than we can manage and on top of that, why are you just drifting away from life?”

It is true that our life was in disarray. 

It all started when I was called to the managing director’s cabin.

The MD, an old war horse, who served in military as doctor and started his own clinic – which grew into one of the largest hospital chain in the county - still behaved as if he was in military; the same discipline and disdain towards us, civilians. Any body who never worked for military was a civilian for our MD.

I just stood at the door and waited for him to call me inside.

He looked up from papers he was signing and waved me inside; he didn’t ask me to sit.

“Do you know that the prominent industrialist, Mrs. Veena Mathur’s daughter got admitted today? You need to thoroughly check her and in all probability, based on preliminary tests already done, the girl may have to be operated; she needs heart transplantation. But, I would rather; you check and confirm this in the next few hours. I need not stress this, Nachiket, Mrs. Mathur is highly influential and with loads of money. She has very close contacts with any body who is somebody in this country.

It is a great advertisement for us to get her daughter treated here. The image of this hospital, needless to say, will get a huge boost. And at the same time, even a minor mistake on our part; we will be out of business. That’s the kind of reach she has.

That’s why, I chose you; you are the best in business.

Now, you can ask for whatever help you need to make this operation smooth and successful.

I will be personally supervising this. So, while I wish you all the success, please be very, very careful.”

I was dismissed without giving a chance to say anything. All I did was nodding my head.

I came out of MD’s cabin and walked straight to special ward where the industrialist’s daughter was admitted; the room was big enough for 5 patients. There were plethora of medical professionals who were all making a fuss and when I walked, they all moved away for me to inspect the girl.

She was around 12 and looked healthy and cheerful.

I went through my drill with the help of technicians and assistants and finally when the reports came, I sat and went through it thoroughly. The reports, as rightly assessed by the MD, indicated cardiomyopathy which can be treated only with transplantation.

An industrialist’s daughter need not worry about donor. Money and influence took care of it.

I got busy with the pre-preparation of the operation and asked a plethora of additional tests to be done and reports submitted after getting the same whetted by the respective experts.

I never thought that I should discuss this with dad first.   

Even as I was about to leave, I looked at the clock and it was close to 9 at night.

I was tired and just wanted to go home and sleep.

My dad, Dr. Jayachandran is a famous surgeon and a major influence on me to take up medicine and become a heart specialist. He is 54 years of age and still practiced in the same hospital where I worked, and lived alone near the hospital, in a two bedroom apartment. On my way home, I used to visit and chat, mostly, work related topics for an hour or two at least twice a week. He will, as his habit, have a peg or two and I, a teetotaler hated his bad habit.

Though he never drank beyond limit but started as a serious drinker only after the demise of my mother who was his companion for life. My mother was suffering from cancer and it was Dad who relentlessly got her treated by the best in business to prolong the inevitable. I spoke to him several times to give up the habit. But, he never listened to me and at the most, avoided drinking in front of me.

Even as I passed his building, I could see light burning in his second floor room facing the road and suddenly, he came towards the window and stood with a glass in his hand; he couldn’t see me as my car sped away. He had late night duty at the hospital and I was worried and hoped he had not taken too much.

I spoke very little to my wife, ate my dinner and slept early.

I was woken up rudely by the ringing of phone. I looked at the bed side table and it was 3 in the morning. I could hardly open my eyes. With great effort, I got up and took the mobile kept for charging on the table; it was from hospital; MD wanted to see me immediately!

I was summoned to the MD’s room as soon as I entered through the reception.

I opened the MD’s cabin door slowly as peeked inside and could see red eyed MD speaking loudly while my Dad and another senior doctor along with couple of assistants who were always there with him in OT standing with their heads down.

MD was standing and so was every one else in the room.

MD glared at me as I entered and continued in his booming metallic voice.

“Nachiket, I already had two rounds of talk with you regarding your father and his drinking habit. Now, because of his bad habit, a young girl has died on the operation table. He operated her in a completely drunken state and has committed a serious error. The girl’s family is at logger head with the hospital and have threatened us with dire consequences.

They refused to even listen to us. They are adamant that we should take immediate action against your father else, they will go to public through TV and newspapers. Do you know what this means to our hospital’s image? Already we have a high profile client waiting for her daughter’s operation.”

MD, tired of speaking, just sat down on the chair with a heavy thud.

I looked around and spoke to my father; “Dad? Is this true? Did the girl die of negligence?”

My dad just turned his face away and when I looked at other persons gathered around who were all in OT at the time of operation; they all said yes by nodding their head.

The other senior doctor who assisted my father during operation spoke in a feeble voice and avoided looking at me. “Nachiket, I pleaded with him to go away. I could have easily managed it. But, he wouldn’t listen to me. It was a very serious error and despite our effort, we couldn’t save the girl.”

MD dismissed all of them and only we, father and son remained in the room.

Dad looked crestfallen. 

Errors happened  during operation around the world. Many deaths have happened on the operation table and seldom, the concerned doctors got punished as they were unforeseen and not considered deliberate and more often than not, beyond a doctor’s reach.

MD cleared his throat and spoke.

“The issue will now go the council and whatever decision they take, we will abide by it. Your father can not come to the hospital from now on, even as a visitor. He is bad for my business. I will shell out whatever money I need to pay to the family.”

He turned towards window, away from us, indicating the meeting was over.

Dad left without talking and without even looking at me.

In less than two days, the council members would meet on their own and will call Dad.

I just couldn’t concentrate on my work. 

The operation for Mrs. Mathur’s daughter had few hiccups too, rubbing salt on my wounded ego. 

She was kept under constant observation and MD held me, personally responsible.

Actually, it was Anastasian’s negligence in administering the dose. The girl was administered abnormal level. Though, it was not life threatening, nevertheless a case of negligence of my team.

Mrs. Mathur, to say the least, was furious that her daughter has not regained consciousness and wanted to know what’s happening. MD had managed to keep the overdose issue under wraps, at least for now.

My head was aching very badly and I just wanted to get away from the hospital.

Dad’s crucial council meeting coupled with the girl in the hospital made my head spin and I badly needed to take a long walk to clear my head of all the issues. 

So, here I was walking aimlessly when I stumbled upon the girl.

She was still looking at me with her large brown eyes inspecting my face.

“Why don’t you tell me what’s bothering you?” She spoke

Despite my troubled situation, I just couldn’t help but smile at her innocence.

I thought I will play along. So I said with mock seriousness. “Yes, I have lots of problem. If I tell you, will you be able to solve it?”

She took my question rather seriously.

“Of course, I am too young to solve your problems. But, my mom always told me that by discussing our problems with others, solutions will emerge. So, tell me what your problem is?”

I looked at the young girl with more respect and felt a bit ashamed to have been playing with her.

I spoke – avoiding the details – telling her in nutshell the problems I was facing; mainly about the young rich girl in coma and another girl being dead on operation table. I didn’t tell her that it was my Dad’s mistake.

I looked at the innocent girl; she was in deep thought. After a while she replied.

“I think the girl in coma will definitely come out. About the other girl, if the operation was done sincerely, god will forgive. Doctors save lives are they not?”

My eyes welled up with tears without my knowledge; I turned my face away to avoid her stares.

Suddenly my mobile rang; it was one of the assistant doctors who were keeping a close watch on the rich girl.

He said that the girl has regained consciousness and was completely normal. MD, it seems was enquiring about me. I need to meet him urgently.

I heaved a sigh of relief and looked at the young girl who was watching my face without batting her eye lids.

She spoke first.

“The girl has recovered. Yes?”

I smiled for the first time in several days; I hugged the little girl affectionately and spoke.

“You were right, the girl has regained consciousness. Thank you. You are too sweet and a very good girl. Hey, I am such bad person. I haven’t asked your name. Sorry, please tell me what your name is?”

She smiled broadly and spoke in a soft voice. “Don’t worry and don’t be sorry. My name is Naina.”

I stood up, shook hands with Naina and was about to leave when a woman walked and called out. “Naina who are you talking with?”

I looked up, smiled and said. “Your daughter is beautiful and very very nice.”  

The woman who was looking at me suspiciously, smiled when Naina introduced saying that I am a doctor.

“Sorry, doctor. I am scared of leaving the girl alone like this. But what could I do? I had to go the hospital and she wouldn’t be able to walk as it is a bit far to walk. No auto person was willing to come as it is too short a distance for vehicles. So, I had strictly told her not to talk to any strangers. By the way, which hospital you work, doctor?”

I waved my hand towards the hospital at the far end of the road and told her that I was a heart specialist.

She started crying; slowly first and then later loudly even as water gushed from her eyes.

I didn’t know what to do or say. After a while, she recovered and spoke.

“I am coming from the same hospital, doctor. Naina needs heart transplantation. She has been waiting for over 3 months now. In the list she was at the top; a source was ready but today, when I went to enquire, I was told that it has already been used for another patient, Naina will have to wait. I protested saying that Naina was number one. I tried meeting the MD, but the personal assistant didn’t allow me as the boss, it seems was very busy. God knows when we will get another matching one.”

While she sobbed, the heaven fell on me. I knew what has happened.

The list was altered to accommodate that rich girl belonging to Mrs. Mathur.

Although my role was just in operating the patient, the details of donors and needy list etc., were personally supervised by the MD.

I looked at the young and innocent Naina who was observing changes in my face. Suddenly, her face became blurred! I realised my eyes were full of tears.

I couldn’t face that girl.

I turned my face away and left; defeated and dejected.

I went directly to check the condition of Shruti – daughter of Mrs. Veena Mathur – and she was perfectly all right. I checked whether MD was still waiting for me. He was.

I was ushered in quickly; we were alone.

I looked at him and was about to open my mouth when he held up his hand and spoke.

“I am sure you have seen that the girl has recovered. But, your team almost put me out of business because of their carelessness. This is a warning to you, Nachiket. Let this be the last time that something like this happens. And, your father can not practice any more as medical council has given ruling that it was because of his negligence that the girl died and have revoked his license. The parents of the girl who died, have been silenced.I shelled out a fortune for that.

I have the board meeting scheduled in another 10 minutes; god knows how I will face them. There are too may tricky issues to tackle with. You may go now. But remember what I told you.”

Even before I could open my mouth, the MD literally pushed me out side as he went looking for his PA who was not in her seat.

I remembered the girl whom I met on the road and thought of going back to find out more about her. 

But both mother and daughter had gone away.  

Ketki, my wife, was standing near the gate waiting for me.

I got down from the car and just stood there not knowing what to say or do.

She looked at my blood shot eyes and spoke.

“Has the girl recovered? And Dad…….?”

I just nodded my head, hugged my wife and wept.

She held me tight without saying anything and lead me to sofa. She brought hot cup of tea and made me drink it.

I recovered a little bit and spoke; hardly recognizing my own voice.

“Since my school days, Dad has always been my inspiration, my hero. He could do no wrong. How he helped me to overcome my depression which I suffered when I couldn’t get the grades. Ketki, I can’t even count the number of persons he has saved. God knows, he charged one rupee as his fees when he found out that the patient’s couldn’t afford the fees.

He is such a nice person, Ketki. It has to be mummy death which almost destroyed him.”

I held Ketki’s hands, squeezed and spoke, water gushing from my eyes.”We have made a mistake by allowing him to stay alone, Ketki. We should have brought him here, with us, after mom’s death. I feel so guilty about leaving Dad alone to fend for himself. That loneliness drove him to drink.

I remember the first time I operated, Dad was standing right behind me. Without him behind me, I didn’t have the courage to operate. Every time I enter the OT, I remember that day and feel strong.”

Ketki squeezed my hands and spoke. “Nachi, you are right. I too feel ashamed that we let him alone. Any way, it is not too late. Come, let’s go and bring him here. We owe it to mom. After the council meeting, god knows what state he is in now. Come, Nachi, let’s go.”

We locked the house and sped towards dad’s flat.

The door was ajar. But, dad was not to be seen.

The cupboard was open and clothes were strewn all over the place.

He seems to have left in a hurry. The suit case, which was there inside the cupboard, was missing.

I took out my mobile and rang his number.

It was switched off.

I sat down on the bed and started crying once again.

Ketki came and sat down and held my hands and spoke. ”Nachi. He seems to have left to find peace. He is too strong to do anything silly. We will find him. I will keep calling him. Am sure, he will speak, at least in a day or two. We are not fortunate to take care of him. But, I promise you Nachi. We will bring him back, from wherever he is.”

I found the key in the drawer, locked the house and we left.

It was not until the next three days that Ketki was lucky to get through to Dad. After several rings, it seems Dad picked up the call and spoke for few minutes. “He is in Hardwar and in all likely hood, will be reaching Delhi in another 4 or 5 days.” Ketki called me to inform.

Since Dad left, the hospital was yet to find his replacement. I was assigned the night duty in addition to doing my regular job. Of course, the night calls were very few and far. But I had to be ready to go to hospital any time.

So, when the call came around 1 pm, I woke up, dressed and left to hospital.

The duty doctor met me and briefed. 

It seems that a very young girl has been admitted and she was slipping in to coma.

I was in for a shock.

It was Naina, the young and innocent girl whom I had stumbled upon few days back.

Despite my training to remain detached to our patients, looking at that young girl, my eyes moistened. Nanina’s mother was standing near the bed and moved away when she saw me.

Naina opened her eyes and looking at my face, smiled. I silently applauded her bravery. I took courage and tried speaking in my normal tone. “So? Naina. What a surprise? What are you doing in hospital?”

Naina spoke; her voice barely audible. “I don’t know doctor? But I have lots of pain in my chest and could not even sit. I also vomited. You tell me, doctor, what’s wrong with me? When can I go home?”

I looked at eyes which was searching my face and pretended to look at the chart attached to the bed and spoke. “ You have a minor illness Naina. Don’t you worry? You will be discharged in few days.”

I walked away. I went to my room, opened the file and examined the reports; Naina desperately needed heart transplantation. But, where in the name of god will I find donor at this time?

I moved away and went to cafeteria to have a cup of tea to clear my mind and mentally started listing possibilities.

When reports came I went through them several times; Naina had, in my view just few days to survive. I called a friend who practiced in another hospital and requested him to have a look at the reports. Though surprised, he understood my predicament. When the mind is clouded, clear thinking is difficult. 

He promised to get back to me first thing in the morning.

I tossed on my bed; sleep eluding me. I remembered time I spent with the innocent girl and was desperate to save her. I saw her mother standing near the bed and pleading with her eyes which were full of tear.

Sun was beating down when I woke up and looked at the bed side clock. It was past 7!

I remembered to have slept only after 5 in the morning. I finished my daily rituals quickly and rushed to the hospital.

The MD wanted to see me, I was informed as soon as I went. I was irritated. Wanted to some how find a donor and save that girl.

MD looked at me when I went inside and told me that he got a donor arranged and I would be able to operate the girl in few hours time; the donor’s heart was on its way.

I felt elated.

I was desperate to talk to my Dad and wished he was here with me today.

As expected, the transplantation took place without any hitch and when I came out after nearly four hours in OT room, Naina’s mother was standing outside and she fell at my feet and wept.

It was embarrassing for me. I consoled her and told her that Naina would be just fine and will be like all other normal child in few days time.

When I checked my mobile, there were several messages from Ketki. One of them, the last was asking me to come home as soon as possible.

I knew it would be about Dad and I must talk to my boss and get few days leave sanctioned to bring Daddy home.

When I reached home, the door was ajar and Ketki was sitting on the chair completely lost in thought that she didn’t even notice me.

I sat on the oppoisite sofa and stretched my aching body.

Ketki looked at me and started crying suddenly.

I was shocked. She is very strong lady and has never seen her cry before.

I got up and hugged her and asked her. “Why Ketki? What happened?”

Without talking, she got up, went to the dining table and brought an envelope and handed it over to me.

It was a letter from Dad.

I opened the envelope and pulled out a single sheet of hand written note and read;

Dear Nachiket

I am really sorry to have brought out so much of pain and embarrassment to you from my atrocious behavior. 

After your mother’s death, I just lost all hope and objective for living. 

Drinking just took me over and the girl’s death was absolutely my doing and I deserve to be hanged.

When I spoke to the MD few days back I learnt about poor young girl Naina who has been admitted for heart transplantation.

I decided to amend my sins of ending a girl’s life by trying to save another one.

My heart will be on the way to you to perform operation on young Naina.

I know few things can not be altered. I ask for forgiveness from you and Ketki.

But this is the least I could do.

Forgive me.

Love

Jayachandran.