Rather Than Expecting Love From Other, Love Yourself

It was during boards when Pooja realized engineering is not something that she wants to do. It was not easy for her to convenience her parents as she was scared of her father. Also, she was the fourth child and no choice but to obey her father's orders. She did everything according to her father's choices. Hoping that one day he would compliment on her work and not torment her. She wanted to make friends celebrate occasions like Holi and Diwali with them but her father didn't like connecting with others unless you have work. So she sat at home during occasions. She lived her life according to her father's wishes. And just like that, she entered engineering without having any knowledge about the field she was in. While others were busy bunking lectures for partying, watching movies, and playing she was busy thinking how am I going to pass this semester then next, and so on.

She signed and put her head down. Professor noticed that and screamed at her asking her to stand up. The only fear she had while standing up as he would call her parents. She didn't want that so she apologized and accepted the punishment of leaving the class and not marking the attendance. If the professor would have asked her to meet the principal she would have accepted it even if he asked not to attend the class for the next month she would have accepted but if he could his parents, she would have kneeled in front of him and would have convinced to change the punishment. Like she completed four semesters with decent grades.

In her fifth semester, she started to date a guy. He was called playboy in the college As she was not aware of all the facts she dated him. She wanted to feel how getting loved feels like. Being someone's daughter was no good for her she was not a princess to her father. So she wanted to feel being someone's girlfriend. But due to lack of knowledge, she ended up getting hurt and used after few months. They broke up when the whole nation was on lockdown. The time when they couldn't meet and the best time for him to end the relationship on the text saying "We are not compatible. We share no same goals. It's best for us to walk on paths alone rather than getting hurt in the future. Let's be friends." She had no choice and confidence so she accepted what he said and ended things his way. She was depressed and couldn't cry as her family members were next to her. If she cried then she will have the reason for crying that would cause chaos at her place so she remained silent hold her tears and got engaged with the activities that her father asked to do. In a situation like this some families were enjoying being together but at her place every day it was like a war. She went through all this and got better day by day as her finals were coming.

It was that time of her life where she had to get into some company with her grades. Due pandemic situation big companies were not recruiting freshman and some of the companies which were recruiting didn't come to her college. She was sad but refused to lose hope and applied for the companies she came across on the internet. She studied day and night. Finally, the day came she gave the exam for one of the renowned companies but unfortunately, she disqualified due to some technical issues from her side. She was demotivated cried for an hour in the bathroom. She kept on saying to herself "It's okay. Let's try one more time." while saying this herself she also had thoughts like " Why it has to be me? For once why don't I get what I want? I hate myself. I feel like killing myself." After fighting her own thoughts she came out washing her face and started to study for the next company.

After lots of efforts, she finally qualified and got placed in two different companies on the same day. She was thrilled and shared the news with her family. Her brother seemed excited and congratulated her. But her father said, "if you would have studied more then you would have got a higher position with the higher package." She replied with okay as she didn't want to ruin her moment. For the first time, she was proud of herself. She learned "whatever I do won't be enough for him so I'll just live my life my way after paying him the amount he invested in me. It was worth struggling. I lived my life his way for 21 years now it's time to live my life my way."

After all this, she started to think about what she actually wants to become and worked on it. It was a great success. It was quite a dispute at her place as she started to talk back to her father. She was mentally prepared so went on with her life and ignored others. She changed the world for herself from her father's world to my world. That was the day when she understood she is good at everything because she puts effort not because she is god-gifted or talented. If she keeps on working hard then she gets what she wants with a little bit of patience on her plate. She is no afraid of failures as she faced many and got over them with good results. She chooses to love herself rather than getting loved by others.