Perspectives - Part 1

The One with the Tears

When the news was broke out to me, I was numb and heartbroken. The three of us were in the living room, when her akka told me everything. It took me a few moments just to soak in what she was saying. I couldn’t believe that my sweet, innocent daughter had gone through so much, without me ever knowing about it. I was assaulted with a multitude of emotions, the foremost being guilt.

I felt guilty that despite being her mother, I wasn’t able to put the pieces together and see what she had been going through. That I couldn’t do anything to prevent it. That I couldn't look through the veil of happiness she'd put on to mask the pain and agony she suffered all day long.

The first time I noticed her spiralling down, I believed that she was probably stressed because of school and academics. As the days passed by, I apprehended her coming in late from school as any other parent would. I believed she must have been playing in the garden along with her peers.

One night, as I was about to sleep I heard her whimpering and crying through the walls. I quickly barged into her room. However, all I got from her was that she had had a terrible dream. The days passed on in similar manner, with me trying to coax something out of her and her telling me everything was fine, up until the day her akka came home.

I cannot fathom what effect it must have had on that timid heart of hers. She had always been the bubbly and cheerful child, always cherished by her loved ones. But now, it seems that her emotions have got the best of her and she'll be haunted for the rest of her life.

It breaks my heart to know that even though the scars must have healed, they would never go away. I know there are days when all she does is sit crying on the bathroom floor, while her mind keeps taking her back to those haunting memories.

Today, when I see her fighting against her demons every morning, moving on with her life, aspiring to achieve her goals, my heart fills with nothing but pride. I hope that each time she stands before the mirror, she looks at the person who used to tell me that she’s going to travel the world one day, all by herself. I promise I won't roll my eyes away this time.