Now or Never

DAY 007

I have somehow gotten used to the orphanage. But the walls are too big, the desks to small and my clothes too less. My dorm-mates ignore me. But I'm used to it. I thought Mr. and Mrs. Karl were promising, they were kind and their home warm. I shouldn't have hoped. Four weeks in and I was out again, into the wild and shackled world of the parent-less children. The Matron told me that I had gotten too old for getting adopted, she found me pamphlets of part time jobs. At least the staff aren't black and white uniform clad nuns who take pleasure in giving out corporal punishments. I am so thankful that I don't have to torture my lungs and sing twisted hymns.

DAY 015

The Matron enrolled me in the public school, saying that the orphanage didn't provide for schooling at my age. The kids there are dressed like rainbow colored puke. I hate it there, it's noisy, crowded and hairy. The teacher's look at me like I'm a lost puppy and everybody ignores me.

The cafeteria food is good, and I don’t have to force myself to eat everything.

The lunches back there was like eating cold hard concrete.

DAY 045

My life has fallen into a monotone drill of boredom. I’m wishing my Mathematics teacher would go and get herself murdered, so that I could get a whiff of enjoyment in my black and grey life. I probably shouldn’t be writing this during Trigonometry, but I had this sudden urge to hold my pen and scribble off jet black ink on the pale pages of my diary.

Miss Pack assigned Lab Partners today. Erica isn’t bad company to spend a year with. But I wasn’t about to go out of the way and say hello. She seemed like a loner too, a miserable one at that. I enjoyed my time alone though.

DAY 052

I realized that my diary might seem like a prisoner’s how-to-escape log, and I guess it’s not far from the truth now. I was banned from going outside for the entire Thanksgiving holidays because I messed up my first job interview.

Who conducts a job interview for waiting on tables?

At least the Matron here isn’t whipping my back.

I feel suffocated as the white walls loom like towering giants and the beds surrounding me in a tight enclosure. I am trying my best to not look out of the window, it always makes me feel like the sunlight is just beyond a wall, but always out of my grasp.

DAY 060

Sixty days into my new life and I haven’t achieved anything. Back in the Church’s orphanage, I had won several regional violin competitions. There wasn’t a single day when I didn’t want to snap the bow and stab the Head Nun with it. I had broken it once.

My hand is still scarred from the beating.

I like reading but a part of the Library is under exclusive access for the Reading Club. I decided to endure an hour of people’s constant company for the sake of unlimited access to all the books I could ever ask.

I should join the Club. Right?

DAY 065

I joined the reading club. Erica was a member.

It was fun, no one talked to me and I had access to the school’s computer. The library archive was massive!

Erica did try to talk to me.

I was ever so thankful for the no-talking policy.

DAY 074

I had burger for the first time today, a strange feeling in my chest kept me wary the entire time. Like the Head Nun would pop out of nowhere and drag me back to that torturous life again.

It tasted weird.

Mid-Terms are approaching but I am not worried. I have never gotten less than 99, and this time I was hoping for 100. I would make sure to do so, even if I were infected with pneumonia.

It was the first time I had goals of my own.

DAY 075

Erica invited me to her home today. She told me that it was the first step to being friends and I was the only one who had ever spoken back to her.

I agreed.

Because if I didn’t have a family I could trust, I should try and make one.

It’s now or never