My Name is Phoolan, I am from Hathras

My name is Phoolan and I am from Hathras. I have become famous in my rape and death. I have become the centre of attention in the media where all points of view are being published. I have decided to share my point of view here. I am using a writer's mind as the medium to express myself in the narration.

I am a Dalit. I wonder whether if I am  a human being. I understand that in a biological sense I share 99.9 percent of DNA with other human beings. Yet, I am not seen as a human. While growing up, I learnt of Dr Ambedkar, Mahatma for the Dalits, who famously told the other Mahatma "I don't have a home land." How true it was? We as a community have never got freedom in this ancient land.

In my village the so-called caste system is still being practiced in the village. I and my community live on the outskirts on the village. We are not supposed to use the water resource earmarked for other castes in the village. Only your caste counts and not your 99.9 percent of shared DNA.

As a girl I am even more underprivileged. Men see only the holes in me: mouth, my vagina and my anus where they can stick their 'thing.' Verbal abuse from boys and men is something I have grown with. I am not seen as a whole human being with feelings, aspirations, thoughts and so on.

I see the bill board proclaiming 'beti bachoa, beti padhao' (save girl and educate her). You can only educate her if you manage to save the girl. I soon realised growing up as a whole human was indeed a challenge for a Dalit girl like me. That is, if I manage to escape from being a prey to the men who hunt me every day and in my nightmares.

I had told my mother about the stalking before I got raped and broken. I can imagine walking into a café called the Great Indian Café run by men exclusively for women. The below is their menu card

List of Fast-Moving Items

1. Child molestation.

2. Teen molestation.

3. Being Ogled at

4. Sex kitten.

5. Rape.

6. Arranged marriage

7. Molestation

8. Butt of sexual innuendos

9. Tomboy

10. Cougar

11. Domestic violence

12. Dowry

13. Death

Sorry: We don't have mother, sister, wife, niece, friend etc on the menu. No demand. I hope you see my point.

Isn't it surprising that such a thing should happen in the land we call as Bharat Mata, a mother? Where the great rivers are named as Ganges, Cauveri, Saraswathi after the woman; where a myriad of goddesses are worshiped as Saraswathi, Lakshmi and Durga.

As I turned nineteen, final year as a teenager I thought I have escaped being a prey. I would become something with my education. How naïve I turned out to be?

I became aware of our constitution during the anti-CAA protest. I am told that all citizens are equal under the constitution. Nice words, indeed! I am told that the President of India is from my community as proof of the constitution. But I have not heard him speak of my rape and death. He only speaks when his master allows him, HMV in short (smile).

I don't know whether to laugh or cry. I see in the papers that all that protest going around my rape and death is an international conspiracy. My character is under suspect. Some one is saying that parents should inculcate good values to the girls in the upbringing. What you think my parents did? Some one is saying that CBI should probe. What a joke? Haven't you seen how they dealt with the Babri Masjid investigation?

Of-course the wheels of justice would turn slowly. How many years did Nirbhaya's case took for closure? I am after all a Dalit. How many girls would be raped by then, especially Dalit ones? There would be some among you readers who may believe we deserve what we get. This is karmic retribution and so on.

I want to end my narration with a quote from our own Mahatma Ambedkar that "ours is a battle; not for wealth, not for power, our is a battle for reclamation for freedom; for reclamation of human personality."