Mr. Himanshu

After all these meaningless years of my life, I was not able to find a single reason to live anymore. I could possibly say that I was the most useless person in this universe. My life had no meaning left. Until now I was hoping to live for the sake of my parents but I don’t think they need me as of the person I am. They never said anything about it also supported me with their best but still, I'm not able to find any desire left for me in their eyes.

I never wanted to be an ordinary person I always thought that I was meant to do something which no one can and eventually this thought wiped out everything from my life, people for whom I wanted to do something, people who did matter to me and the people who were hoping something from me, everything. I don’t even have the power to save myself or should I say that I don’t have any desire left to be something. In all this time I was trying to find the truth of this universe and a desire to do something extraordinary but in the end, it was only the infinite darkness. I think this is going to be my last night on this filthy planet of desire and hatred. 

Thinking about these things I fall into my last sleep.

When I woke up I was in a place that cannot be named in human words. 

What is this place, where am I? Am I dead? 

There was a raft of questions running in my mind but who will answer them. 

No one is here. Is this a dream? What am I supposed to do? If I am dead then why am I alive in this place? I just don’t want to live anymore but no one was there to hear my scream.

My eyes started getting wet from screaming the same line.

I don’t want to live I don’t want to live, I am nothing, there is no one who cares for a loser please let me die, let me die.

After some time I felt exhausted from crying but there was nothing I could have done for myself. A thought of cutting my wrist went through my mind but how this place is all blank? The only option left to me was to cut it with my teeth and I did exactly. Through the pain was enormous still it did work. 

The blood started dropping on the floor slowly my pain started vanishing too. Soon after that everything begins to fade from my eyes and leisurely got out of my senses. 

When my eyes opened: I saw a girl I was laying on her lap. Somehow she didn’t feel like a stranger to me. She was holding my wrist against her trying to draw every last drop of my blood. It was like my every feeling of guilt and depression was bleeding out. 

Her dark brown hairs were whispering on my face. I never felt anything like this before. In other words, she was amazing like a princess of heaven. 

From heaven, because I haven’t seen any girl like her on earth probably I never liked any girl on earth with full of my heart. In this entire time not even once I let off my eyes from looking into her dark brown eyes. There was no end of that extreme depth but all I could have seen was her loneliness. 

She clutched my fingers with hers slightly pulling my hand away from her lips towards her heart. 

Hurting yourself will never make anyone happy.

Her words broke out the silence of my heart.

Yeah: but no one is there to feel bad for me (and I closed my eyes)

Feeling so low to the point of suicide as a way? (she asked)

I am not looking for a way out, there was no need of a mere human like me, No one wants me, it’s just their desires making them stop me from dying: I also wanted to make everyone happy but I never was able to find someone for whom I wanted to do this, so I was just trying to get my answers ..

And now what (she asked me)

Nothing: I can be here with you for eternity (I said )

What makes you think that I will be with you? 

I just felt like you are lonely ….

Will you be willing to give up this life for me? (She asked)

Is this what you want the most? 

I don’t have any desire I just want to experience it. I want to know how it feels to give up everything on something you want the most. (She said)

A girl who doesn’t want anything: After hearing this I can surely give up on this life: actually I really want to laugh I mean you are asking a useless man like me who doesn’t have anything. You really are stupid. (I said with a smile)

Only you can laugh on something like this (She said while brushing my hair with her hands)

After this, I didn’t realize when I fell asleep but when I woke up I was in my room realizing it as a dream.

So this really was a dream (I said to myself)

I sensed a different sadness around because a while ago I was free of everything and now again in this living hell. As always I didn’t have anything to do in the morning I was just waiting for my mom to deliver me tea. Then I helped my dad in some document filing and here ended my day. I didn’t really have any desire left to meet anyone without purpose so I preferred to spend my day on my bed watching some anime however this day was quite different from other meaningless days of my life. I was unable to move my thoughts from that girl of my dream. Her dark brown eyes, her rosy lips, her whispering hairs on my face everything happened there were playing in the head like a recorded video. I wished that to see her again. I didn’t believe that I will wish to meet someone without any purpose.

I wanted to find if this will be possible so I closed my eyes and tried to sleep wishing to meet her again.  

When I woke up I was in her lap again, her hair were whispering my face and she was still holding my hands even so I wasn’t able to feel any sensation of her hands back then but this time it was different I was feeling her warmth. 

Many questions were bursting inside my head but after watching her face I didn’t realized any need of asking them for now.

You really sleep a lot. (She said with a smile)

It was the first time I saw her smiling. One thing I can say for sure that I could have done anything for that smile but I remembered that it is just a dream and has nothing to do with the filthy world of ours yet I find myself free here.

For how many hours exactly (I asked her with curiosity) 

Not really: there is no such thing as time still from your measurement of the time it’s about a year.(She said with simplicity)

Whatttttt: I was sleeping for a year? And you were here with me for a year. (I asked her with a shock)

Like I said earlier here is no such thing as time. We can be here for infinity without aging. (She answered)

I get up immediately in frustration 

Please don’t give me that: tell me what this place is like? What you really are? Have I started imagining things? Am I mad or something? I beg you just tell me the truth.

Why did you come back? (She asked me)

Did I want to get my answers from you? (I answered her¬¬¬¬¬¬¬¬)

Then why you are asking me? If you are imagining things then just imagine your answers.(She said with the same simplicity)

I got down on my knees covering my face with my hands.

I know I wanted to meet you but why? Why? Why can’t I get anything according to me? I just wanted to die then why you meet the man living in the dust of disaster?

You belong to me you are mine it was you who gave up your life to me. I will faintly recall the gentle look on your face whenever you will find yourself in grief. I will be with you If you will be the only wrong person in this world. (she said with a glory in her voice)

I felt the gentle touch of her fingers over my hands covering my face. She removed my hands from my face and closed my eyes with her palms.

Don’t worry everything will be according to you. We will meet again.

And my dream cut off. There was no desperation in me because I had a feeling that everything she said was true. We will meet again. It was about 2 pm when I woke up again and I completely forget that I have to meet a client of my dad for a deal even so it was not too late so I get ready and went for it but sadly this turned out to be a disaster for me.

I caught into a fight with them because they were abusing some poor people.

It’s not that I am a social worker or a kind person it’s just that I cannot see, the humanity betraying humanity. As a result I was not able to get the contract.

When I reached home the same routine carried on but with excitement of meeting that girl again.

The best thing is that I don’t even know her name yet I am this much excited over meeting her. In all this free time I only tried to sleep. Sadly I wasn’t able to get a nap at all even my eyes started hurting because of that forceful shutdown. In the end I only have a choice to go back to my old friends. Old friends mean my laptop, internet, and anime.

Oh hello dear, hope you are doing well. (I said to my laptop)

Sorry, but our relationship ended today. You really forget me after getting a girl. I just can’t forgive you for your betrayal. (She replied)  

The battery turned down to six percent. I remembered that I haven’t feed her I mean charged it ever since these dream incidents. 

Ahhh: my bad you just wait dear I will not let you die just wait. Sorry 

I plugged in the charger and started surfing the internet. I was happy for being able to kill some time until I sleep but this time my internet got down for some reason. Oh I forgot that my life is not fair enough to give some happiness 

I also don’t have any desire left I don’t want anything anymore not even happiness. Now I closed my eyes gently and started thinking over the things which happened recently.

This surely is one of my bad days. (I said with a huff)

In some minutes I got into my dream world. When my eyes opened I was only able to see the blank space there was no one. Instead of searching her I decided to take a nap. Suddenly her face appeared in front of my eyes. She was looking into my face like a child sees a well. The gentle touch of hair was astonishing.

Aren’t you gonna say something (I asked her)

I will say anything you want (She answered)

I am full of questions but first I want to know why weren’t you here when I came like every other time?

I was just waiting for you to cut your wrist again in the desperation of not getting your answers again. Yah your blood was sweet I wish I could have it again (She said in a humorous tone) 

Are you a dream vampire who came to me for my dream blood? (I said and started laughing)

What if I am you already have given your life to me. (She said with a smile)

I don’t really care. I was not able to make anyone happy with my life so I’ll be glad if it makes you happy. Above all, I already have given you my life so you don’t need to ask me. (I also answered with a smile)

Not fair you are ruining my mood with sweetness. Actually I know still I doing you a favor of asking this if you wanted to say something. How was your day (She said while making her face away from my eyes?)

Pretty normal I was not able to do anything extraordinary plus I got into a fight with my dad’s client and lost a contract. (I answered normally)  

Those lowly humans they will never understand the true meaning of love. (She said simply)

Hey hey are you just mocking me? I mean I am also a human? (I asked with curiosity)

 You are the King the king from the beginning to the end. The true emperor (She said with seriousness in her voice)

After hearing this I wasn’t really able to control my laugh and I busted into laughter.

Haaaaaaaaaaaaa haaaa haaaa hahahahahahahahah hahahah hahhhah ahahahahahahahahahh hahahha hahah First you came to most useless man and now this king stuff hahahahhahah U reallu are mad. hahah

I don’t know what gotten into her. Probably I made her angry. She came all the way to me and bite my wrist like a child until it started bleeding.

Ahhhhhhhh: yooooouuu dreamy vampire. I know I gave my life to you if you have to kill me then at least be gentle. It’s nothing like those T.V show where the vampire kills their prey by giving pleasures by sucking their blood. You are doing like a beast. (I said humorously) 

It was you who make me do this and I am not a vampire or a beast. Your blood just feels sweet and what is with that beast thing. No one says something to their dream girls. (She said by giving herself a fake look of anger)

Dream girl? Who is the dream girl here? Don’t tell you are talking about yourself?

 Basically I met you in a dream so this gives me the title of dream girl. ( She clarified)

Ohh I see… this settles everything now if you don’t want to kill me then will you please let my hand off from those blood sucker teeth. ( I said with harassment)  

Not now I still want some more. Don’t worry I 'll make sure you don’t die ( she said with a devilish smile)

You know I am more terrified by you than my life. Anyway I am feeling exhausted and going to take some sleep here hope you don’t mind let my hand go off when you are done with your blood lust. (I said with a smile)

Yeah sure 

What sure? No goodbye? No, see you again? Are you just going to kill me while sleeping? That’s very cowardly? A real man I mean women kill with honor. (I said humorously)

Because you are always here with me now close your eyes and sleep already you napping princess. (she said and forcefully closed my eyes with her hands)