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Merry-Go-Round
Merry-Go-Round
It felt so right and yet so wrong in Siddharth’s arms. I just had to close my eyes to feel his love shining bright. His arms a haven and his smile always welcome. But as my dear old mother would often say “There is nothing perfect in this world. No perfect figure, no perfect lipstick shade, no perfect recipe, and no perfect love. And if you find one, then it is not for you.” God bless her soul, today standing in Siddharth’s arms I knew what she meant. For, my not so perfect man was waiting for me at home and here I was saying goodbye to the love I could not have and also was guilty of encouraging.
Well, let me start from the very beginning. Praveen and I were a moderately happy couple. We weren’t the bickering, yelling couple or the romantic candlelight ones. We were more like “Hi, how was your day?” “Good, what’s for dinner?” That was ok by us I suppose coz neither of us was complaining. We did have our good times, like say the Goa trip we had one summer, the swimming classes we had taken up just for a change and of course the monthly parties we used to have to keep in touch with our friends. Our life was good. I didn’t miss the romance- flowers, cozy pillow talk or the walk in the rain. Praveen gave me security and comfort. I was content with our solid 3-year-old marriage.
Life doesn’t let the dust settle down on things. Yep, another one of my mom’s favorite sayings. A few months back Praveen was offered a new position with an attractive pay packet in his organization. This meant we could buy a house and maybe start planning for a baby. But the clause, he had to shift his base from Hyderabad to Mumbai. After weighing the entire pros and the cons we voted for Mumbai.
Now wait a minute, if you think “Enter the new man in my life,” you are right. It was my first day in Mumbai, The Packers & Movers had left and Praveen was off to his office. I was left with a messy house. Until this minute, the move to Mumbai was an adventure in my not so fast-paced life. Now it looked like a horror tale. The cartons piled against the wall were numerous and I didn’t know where to begin. When Siddharth my good looking, friendly neighbor walked in to lend a hand, he became my “Knight in shining armor.”
It took us nearly two weeks of tedious and tiring work to set up the house. My new neighbor, however, made the entire process a lively and interesting experience. He made me recount history of the stuff I had accumulated over the years, set up a bright and cozy living room, showed up with food on the days I was too tired to cook, dragged me out from under the pile of cartons for a breath of fresh air, encouraged me to go for walks despite tired limbs and sat by my side when I felt lonely. He took me over to meet his family and showed me around Mumbai city too. I also got to learn that my handsome neighbor was doing his Masters in the US and was at home for a holiday. He loved photography, trekking, music, Chinese food and was younger by 4 years.
0, 0);">“Everything in life is ordained. Even the people you meet.” I was forced to reconsider my mom’s wisdom after I met Siddharth. This man taught me spontaneity, the joys of embracing and living life a hundred percent. He was zing and spice, full of humor and always on the go. For him, life was a multicolor experience. It was inevitable his attitude rub on me. And not very surprisingly we just clicked in our very first meeting. You might call it chemistry, Praveen called it puppy love and Siddharth called it connection. I just laughed it off.
Was it a laughing matter? Shouldn’t I have seen the warning signs? My marriage was not the Fourth of July but we were comfortable with each other. Praveen never cheated on me, raised his voice or ill-treated me. Of course, he wasn’t Gregory Peck, but my man gave me respect, took into consideration my opinions and valued my self-esteem. Most of all, he was true to our marriage vows.
I know I shouldn’t have, but then, who can ever resist adding a little more color to life when an opportunity comes knocking in the form of a handsome, smitten neighbor. I was guilty as charged for provoking Praveen and encouraging Siddharth.
Whoa! Hold your horses. Can provoking make a snail walk faster or run a race? However, you can encourage your dog to fetch your morning paper or turn a somersault. Wish I had known this earlier! Time, however, didn’t give me a chance to learn. Just as my dear mom used to say, “Experience does teach you a lesson but doesn’t inform you when it’s going to come knocking on your door.” I was so preoccupied with the spinning of my web I didn’t think of its consequences.
Nope, Siddharth didn’t ask me to come away with him or suggest that I deserve better. We were blowing balloons on his going away party. His holiday was over and time to take leave. “It was all a game, a novel experience for you wasn’t it?” he suddenly asked me. It took me a moment to realize what he was talking about. “Every moment I spent with you was true,” he said gently holding my hand. “Don’t,” he said when I started to explain. “Will you see me off tomorrow?” he asked. I cried myself to sleep that night in Praveen’s arms. I felt horrible, guilty and miserable. It was all the worse because my husband didn’t react to my confession.
It sounds a cliché, but, goodbyes are really difficult. One last hug and thousand words unsaid, we said our goodbyes. This time forever. “You are my Ying to my Yang,” Siddharth told me once. True, I was a changed person today, more vibrant, vociferous and passionate about life. But I wasn’t his other half. I went home tired and heavy at heart to find my not so perfect husband had a surprise for me. A cute little puppy! I flew into his arms and broke into tears (I was doing it quite often these days). “Don’t worry,” he said, “the puppy is toilet trained.” I love him. Yes, I do. He is no Casanova, doesn’t offer me the sun and the moon or promise me a magic carpet ride but gives me practical slippers to walk by his side!
