Meera

It's the eleventh day when the food served by Meera, was left at the dining table ignored and unattended. But unlike on the first day, she is not upset, in fact, with every passing day she is feeling a little light and a little less burdened.

She took the plate, packed the food and decided that it would be the last plate she served for Anish, at least, until he asked for it. Standing in front of the mirror she told herself,”It's OK! It's not your fault,” and she repeated this for several times. She realised her cheeks, wet and eyes, red. She wiped off her tears and repeated one last time that it's not her fault and slept. Anish slept in the hall. It was impossible to make out whether he is angry or upset with her. Meera, on the other hand, didn't want to find out what is going on in Anish's mind. She was hating and at the same time liking this aloofness from Anish. Never had she thought that her marriage will be in this phase ever.

Meera, an independent and chirpy girl, who would take care of everyone and believed in spreading happiness, was now drowned in the sea of tears, hate and aloofness. When Anish and Meera got married, apart from the seven vows of marriage, she took one more vow that she would give her marriage, her husband, the utmost priority and give her best to keep her world an ideal one. And, today she realised that it was wrong of her to take the vow alone and to take the full responsibility of marriage all alone. What she is doing today, she should have done years back. But now she won't back off. She is not afraid anymore of what the world will think or say, what her parents will say, and that she has failed. She made herself believed that it's ok to fail than to pass at the stake of oneself. She knows what Anish is trying to do. He is doing what he always does, make her feel guilty and make her apologise even for his mistakes. But this time Meera won't give up, this time instead of guilt she is gaining strength by each passing day of Anish's indifference and aloofness.

Next day onwards Meera stopped waiting for Anish for dinner and stopped keeping food for him. She would cook but won't serve, if he has to eat he can take dinner from the kitchen. A little shock was visible on Anish's face but he didn't show much.

It's Friday, Meera came back from work, it's laundry day, laundry day only for her, for Anish it's a movie day he would sit till late night watch two movies back to back and sleep on the couch. She was about to do laundry when she thought to change the norm. She took her book and started reading. She could see Anish was really angry but he didn't say anything. She again stood in front of the mirror and repeated her lines like she has been doing for the past few days, but this time along with tears smile came through her face.

It's Saturday morning, bright sunny day, Meera looked outside, closed her eyes and remembered her days at her home. Every Saturday morning she used to go for a long walk and sit in the coffee-house for hours. She loved to spend time with herself, not that she was a loner, but one day in a week she needed to be with good books, music and pen and her diary. Now all seem so unreal. It seems like a lie because she was made to believe that. She was made to believe that a wife should not go anywhere alone to enjoy. Her enjoyment should be in serving the household and husband. And at a young age when she was madly in love with Anish, she believed everything she has been told. But today she wants to come out of the shell which Anish has built over the years, and which she has allowed foolishly. It's not entirely his mistake, it's hers too. And now she wants to undo it. She went out for a walk, without telling Anish, to relive her day full of happiness and freedom.

Anish didn't drink, didn't smoke, earned well and belonged to a good family. He, according to everyone, wast the best match Meera could get. Meera met Anish and it was love at first sight. She talked to Anish two-three times and their marriage got fixed. There was no reason for her to turn down this proposal. Soon after marriage, Meera showed her interest in working but Anish was not in favour. He told her, “It would be a shame for me if you have to work, am I not earning enough?” Meera said, “Don't take it wrong Anish, I just get bored whole day at home.”

“I have a solution for that,” Anish smiled.

And next day house help and gardener were fired. “ Now my darling won't get bored at home.”

Meera didn't know how to react but gradually her wish to work died.

Meera stopped visiting her parents' place as she was not allowed by Anish to go there without him and he never had time from work. She used to go there with Anish and on being asked to stay for long she would always say that she can't leave Anish alone. They both gained the title of Romeo and Juliet as they both never left each other alone.But the truth was that Meera wanted to stay at her place for a little longer. A little time alone with her parent but this would upset Anish and upsetting him was the last thing she wanted to do. There was a constant fight between her desires and her duties, duties which were decided by Anish. She sacrificed her desires and gave priority to her vow to keep Anish happy.

Once Meera's father called Meera and asked her why she doesn't want to work. On not getting a justifiable response he talked to Anish and Anish denied on having any hand in her decision. In fact, he told her dad that Meera is too lazy to work. This infuriated Meera, on many occasions Meera subsided her anger but not this time, she can't tolerate a lie to her father. She took the the phone from Anish and told her dad, "Papa, I realize you are right, I should start working and not be lazy.” Anish expressions were unreadable, it seemed that he wanted to slap Meera but she knew he wouldn't because he had much better way of slapping her, by his words. In few minutes he was fully prepared with his speech, first, he tried to convince Meera how it is so difficult for a girl to go into the outside world and then he tried to shame Meera how she is being insensitive. She wants to get rid of the household responsibilities. Meera said, “If you don't want me to work then tell my dad the truth that it's you who don't want me to work and not that I'm being lazy, and secondly I'm not getting rid of responsibilities, in fact, I will help you financially, so I will be doing it for us as well. Please try to understand Anish, I really want to work and I know my parents will be happy If I start working." Anish says, “Alright Meera if you really want this so bad, but then there are two conditions. You will never handle finances, I'll manage your salary and expenses. Let me do the work which I'm supposed to do. And second, you 'll never cut down the time on me or the household. If you can manage all together I have no problem.” Meera says, “Sure baby, I agree to both of your conditions,” and they both smiled.

Meera started working. And in few months her life was stressed. She would work come back cook and clean and when she was about to sleep Anish would wake her up for his needs. This became a routine. Meera, once a girl with self-respect, is now just a robot and controlled by her husband. No one in the outside world knew what was going on inside.

She started to hate his touch, who would like when it is forced. Physically he never harmed her but mentally she was tortured and made to believe that if she doesn't do how Anish like it's a sin and as a wife she should not complain. It's her moral responsibilities to take care of his needs. She would hate when her relatives and parents would praise them as a couple and praise Anish as best match Meera could have got.

One morning Anish was having breakfast, Meera was getting ready for work. She had to leave early that day as she had a presentation. Anish knew this and as if he always wanted to throw a choice between him and her work, he said that breakfast is not good and he feels like to have something else. Meera told him politely to have it, next day she will cook something better. He said angrily, "That's why I didn't want you to work. Now see what you are doing to us.”

Meera, “What am I doing to us, Anish? I cooked for you now if you want to throw tantrums, I can't help you.”

Anish, “Do you see how you are talking to me? I'm not your colleague or your sub-ordinate. I just want you to cook some eggs for breakfast and then go. I don't want to fight unnecessarily.”

Meera, "I'm sorry Anish I'm getting late and I don't think I'm doing anything wrong, I have already cooked for you, please have it.”

Anish smashed the plate on the floor and said, "All this is happening because of your idiot dad and his idiotic mentality that you should work. You and your whole family are stupid and I'm stuck in this marriage.” Meera lost all her control. She was used to listening about her and her incompetence, but not her dad, not her family. She won't allow this to happen anymore and she did what she knew could hurt him the most. She called up her dad and in front of him and narrated the incident. Anish was a pretender. He always wanted to show the world how perfect he is. In the beginning, he did the same with Meera also, it's just that this veil of perfectness couldn't stay longer. Anish gave one hateful look, banged the door and left. Meera sobbed uncontrollably, today she did what she ought to have done long before. Her dad was on the other side and silently consoling his daughter. After 5 minutes when she was able to speak again, she just asked him,”Am I wrong dad?” Meera's father said, “ No beta, you are not wrong. You don't have to explain anything to me. You don't have to explain anything to anyone. It's your life and you have full right to be happy. Only if you let anyone hurt you and remain silent you will be wrong. Take your time and think about the best way. Just remember we are with you. We know you how good you are, never get scared that you are alone. You don't owe anyone anything.” He hung up the phone. Meera after a long time was feeling a little free. And it was since that day Anish was not having food prepared by her. She knew what was he was trying to do. He was trying to do the thing he is best at. Making her guilty, gaining some pity and emotional blackmail. But this time Meera won't fall for it. She has finally taken out the first stone from the shell of captivity, and freedom feels good and she wants to have more of it. It's her life and she doesn't owe anyone anything. She gave a lot to this relationship and if still, it doesn't work out it's not her mistake.

After taking a walk when she returned, Anish was home. He was reading the newspaper and when Meera walked in, he said in a loud voice, “Do you want to say sorry, because I'm ready to forgive. After all, I don't want to create drama out of my life.” Meera was speechless. It was no surprise for her that he is expecting an apology from her but she was surprised that she was waiting for this moment, all this while, she was waiting for Anish to speak and speak something wrong. Not because she had to take a decision but because she had to announce her decision and she didn't want to speak first. Meera said,  “Yes Anish, I'm wrong. I'm so wrong that now I cannot undo what I have done. But now I can do something right. You are a sick person and I was trying to tend to you, but I realize that your sickness will only increase with love, and love is what you least deserve. I need to apologize not to you but to myself.” She walked to her bedroom and brought out her bag. “I don't own you an apology, I don't owe you anything.” And she left. Her shell was broken completely and she has set on her journey of freedom.