Letters - For Love I Can Wait

They have been married for three years. He was a beautiful man, with a beautiful heart, and he took care of her more than anyone could. He let her have a say in decisions, and let her make her own decisions, surprising the neighbors at the odd behavior in the patriarchal society they lived in.

They barely had disputes, despite her being less obedient than one would want a woman to be for a marriage prospect. He understood her, and she understood him, and that was all that mattered to them.

Yet, they couldn’t come to an understanding at all. “You can’t!” She snapped. Her husband pursed his lips. “I have been called for war, how can I not?” 

“You can just refuse to go!”

“The elite wouldn’t allow it, and besides, if an able-bodied man like me refuses, what would become of my honor?”

She stared at the man in horror, as her heart clenched at the thought of war being ‘honorable’. “Honor? What honor when you are walking straight into death? What honor when they are using you as pawns for their own benefit? What honor, when you are leaving your wife to fend for herself?” 

He only looked at her, without saying anything, yet his eyes said it all. She didn’t need to hear him say it. He walked up to her and embraced her tenderly. 

“Do you really have to go?” Her voice croaked. “We don’t need to care about what people have to say about you.”

“My father served in the army. Now I feel like it’s my turn. I feel like I was meant for it as if it’s my responsibility. Our people, our nation, deserve better. Thousands of people, including my father, fought for our country. So I will too. If our country needs men to protect it, I shall go.”

She tried to swallow the lump in her throat. Was this patriotism, or blind beliefs? “Everyone praises war. But you and I both know that it is all meaningless. They will praise you when you are holding a gun, trying to survive on a bloody battlefield, but what do they even know? You are only doing what the government wants. They are only greedy. They need you to fulfill their greed. Why else would a country go up against another? Why do you want to do something so meaningless?”

He looked at her warmly and smiled. “Whether I go or not, the war will happen. Let me go, and end this once and for all. Let me be able to make it safe for you, and our children.” He wanted to serve his nation, and looking at how much he wanted to do so, she almost felt terrible for not wanting him to go.

She understood why he wanted to go, and he understood why she didn’t want him to go, but neither could agree with each other.

That night, she couldn’t sleep at all. Morning came too soon. The sun should’ve rested a while longer.

They had their breakfast in silence. Someone came to pick him up in a caravan at exactly 9:00. 

She had so much she wanted to say, so much she wanted to ask, but she couldn’t.

She watched him step out of the house. He turned to face her before getting in and gave her one last smile. Looking at her stand near the door, her face filled with worry and defeat, he wanted to reassure her with a smile, but knowing that he will be leaving her alone, the smile was only a painful one. “I’ll send letters, okay?” 

She pursed her lips and nodded meekly, tears threatening to spill. She watched the caravan started moving, watching it go along the road, till it disappeared from her sight. 

It should come back, along the same road. When the sun was shining brightly, her smiling husband should step out of the caravan.

His bag looked small. Did he pack everything? Would he eat enough every day? He wouldn’t faint during training, would he? Would this patriotic man take good care of himself?

She had so much she wanted to say. So much she wanted to tell him. So much she wanted to remind him. Yet she couldn’t open her mouth when he was leaving, because the lump in her throat hurt too much. Seeing him step into the caravan, knowing he wouldn’t come back anytime soon hurt too much. 

So she sat and wrote. She sent him a letter, spilling out all the emotions she had hidden in her, with all the words she wanted to say. With all the words he wanted to hear. 

Would this patriotic man, who chose to serve the country over his wife, remember her enough?

She worked diligently. She cooked, she cleaned, she earned money even when her tired body needed rest, and her aching shoulders needed a break. She still smiled and greeted people. She prayed for her husband and wished to see the letters that he had promised. 

She put up with the nonsense people spouted.

“My my, look at you working so hard, you shouldn’t be doing this!”

She smiled in response.

“What a handsome, brave husband you have! Going off to war!”

She smiled.

“How could your husband leave you like that?”

She smiled.

“Have you considered remarrying? It’s unlikely that he’d come back”

She only smiled.

Yet once she was home after a hard day of work, she’d lock the doors and cry in a room that was dimly lit, with a blanket’s warmth. The next day she would step out, and smile at the ones who hurt her as if nothing had happened.

She waited for his reply and all the other letters that he promised. Would this patriotic man, who chose to serve the country over his wife, remember her enough?

The day of the war was coming closer, and he put in all his effort every day. He trained, had a chat with his fellow soldiers, and then trained. However, no amount of training could make him feel any better. How was his dear wife? How was she doing? Should he go back and give her another hug to console her? Did she cry every day? Did she forget him and begin to get used to living? Did she wonder if he was okay? Did she curse at him every day for leaving her like that?

He wrote and wrote and wrote. 

“Another letter again today, eh?”

He smiled shyly in response. “Ah, yes. Please send it to me.”

“The same address?” He nodded. 

“You should give up now. You never receive a reply.” 

“She sent me a letter before, I’m sure she’ll send one again.”

The older man laughed gruffly. “When I came to work here, it hurt my wife so much that she didn’t talk to me. Perhaps your wife is against it too?”

The soldier with a heavy heart, couldn’t say anything, and only walked away back to the camp.

From the postal office, with a heavy heart, the wife walked away, back to work. Was all of this worth it? The pain, the suffering, and the waiting? She looked at the sky, and let out a heavy sigh. Yes. It was worth it. Everything was worth it, for the man whom she loved.

She lost a job occasionally and managed to find another. She took care of her son, took care of the ones who worked with her, she took care of her neighbors and the stray dog with a broken leg. She took care of everyone, but herself. She was ruining her health and didn't bother to do much about it.

She later got to know that her husband died in the war. She almost saw it coming, but it didn’t lessen her heart’s ailment. She sobbed at times and cried silently at times. They couldn’t find his body either. 

What a wretched thing war was. All it did was ruin families, take away lives, and made people live with unrest. What good did it do? What good did it do to her husband, who was nothing but kind to the world? What good did it do to her who was always working so hard? What good did it do to their marriage, which made both of them the happiest of people?

 She died in her fifties, which was too young for her age, but not too young for her work and disregarded health. She never got a letter in reply from him, despite the days she spent waiting. She was devastated. He left her because he wanted to serve the country, and she knew she was dear to him, but that was all. Never did she see him again. 

What a simple tragedy it was. Yet things could've been a little less tragic because little did she know, that there were sixty letters, that have never reached the owner, and have been lost, unopened.