The Last Letter

Dear Dad,

My regards to you and all in the family.

I am not sure whether I will be alive till the letter reaches you.

        I am missing mama a lot today. I m in debt for whole life for love she had given. I still remember her during lunch or dinner, saying "just a little..a very little, just this one is the last" but she is used to feed the whole plate of meals.Now I understand the GODs gift of mother's love for a child. She used to steal some money from your pocket and give me as pocket money even if I don't ask, saying "keep it, you may need it just in case..!".

    Even I am missing Lili also a lot for her stupid fighting for every little thing like she is getting very less in her share of food and pocket money, She isn't not getting mama's attention like me etc etc..what not ! as she is the drama queen. During Raksha Bandhan, it's her own wish to ask anything and I have to sacrifice my pocket money, even borrow from friends to get her gifts.

    I remember you expected me to get a seat at NITs/IITs but I couldn't get any. But I got a seat in JNU, Delhi which made you a little happy so that you offered a lunch party to your friends at our home. That time I thought "I had done a great job in my life!" but I was wrong.

        After getting the intimation letter for joining the college, I was dreaming in the daytime like someone whispering "Delhi ab dur nehi". After I joined JNU, I loved city life, forgot the past very quickly. I got a few very friendly hostel mates and mingled with them easily in no time. Going out at evening for a walk and snacks got me more friends. 

     The decorated malls, ultra modern girls, nice parks, imported new cars on the road, various cultural functions were new for a teen like me which I enjoyed with my friends. Returning late night to hostel became regular. I started smoking cigarette and gradually got too much addicted.

      It didn't stop there, the addition went a step ahead to start taking drugs with my friends. Unfortunately unknowingly I took drugs in a with used syringes which were infected. 

     I started feeling ill for last few days and went to the doctor. By seeing the symptoms, few tests conducted and I was diagnosed with HIV. 

    The doctor told them they have to inform hostel warden and HOD immediately. I begged all not to inform but.. no one listened.

   I was scared what everyone will inform my family, a whole lot of blames and nasty talks about me you all have to listen. Especially,I can't imagine the reaction of our colony people...Instead of getting you any pride, I got this prize for you which will make you repent life long for my wrong doings. I don't have courage to face anyone.

      On the return from doctor, I purchased a bottle of poison from a local shop. I entered hostel room from backside hiding from everyone.

  Now.. my pen is not moving forward. It's not in control, I don't know what's s going on..May be the poison...