Just Married

I observed him carefully as he walked to the door. I knew, time was running out but I suppressed the urge to check my watch. I took a deep breath and started counting in reverse, under my breath-
10, 9, 8, 7, 6………1.
After waiting for a few moments, I couldn’t help looking at the watch, it was 12:02 A.M.
He was asleep by then with his face opposite to mine just like any other day. I was not that upset like I have been when he didn’t wish me on my first birthday with him after our marriage.
After getting comfortable on my area of bed, I tried to sleep but I couldn’t resist remembering my own glimpses as a happy, jolly and carefree girl at my old home on birthdays. It used to be a festival sort of a thing for my family. Dad would bring good cake, mom made delicious dishes and gifts were the best part. The new birthday dress was a thing I was always desperate for. I used to be so crazy that my cellphone’s battery would always be 100% at 11:55 P.M. on the night before my birthday. Today, I have switched off my cellphone and I don’t even bother to switch it on. If the person who is most important in my life has no wishe to share on my birthday, then who else I would like to talk to. Nobody really matters now except him. Even my own family members who made me capable to survive.
I knew we won’t be able to love each other like other romantic couples but I did expect a normal married life. I had hopes and have those now too. I thought he would try giving this arranged relationship a chance but he didn’t.
Next morning, a more year was added to my life. Like any other day, I woke up early and took bath. After making tea, I kept his cup on the table near bed. His alarm rang when I was still there, it was 7A.M. When I went to serve tea to my in-law’s, the landline rang. Mummy ji picked up the call and I could make out that my mother had called up. She called me in the living room and I took the phone in my hands.
As soon as I put it on my ear, a loud noise was heard. Mom, dad, bhaiya, bhabhi and the children, all of them were sitting together to wish me. I thanked all of them in a sad voice which obviously my parents sensed. After a bit of funny talks and discussions on my childhood memories, I finally felt alive. They were quite unimpressed with my act of switching off the phone but I somehow managed to put this on heal by excuses of battery being dead. Then came my in-law’s turn. Even they were quite excited for this. Mummy ji hugged me and asked what I wanted in gift. I just wanted them to stay healthy and happy. They asked me where Rishabh and I were going for dinner. I again made a fake excuse of extra work at office. I took their leave and went in my room where Rishabh was putting on his tie and I imagined the same situation where I wished I would be doing that for him as seen in most hindi daily soaps. I took my handbag and left the room without sharing a word with my husband as usual. Mother in law called me in her room when I was about to leave. She made me sit on the resting chair and consoled me somehow.
I remember her words on day one at this house, she asked me to be much stronger and not to expect things which usually a newly married girl does. She told me that her son has not been emotionally attached to anyone in his life. So, it may continue with me too, she warned me.
I did expect a change in his emotional behavior and had good hopes.
She blessed me and gave me one of her own beautiful rings. I felt good.
I left for office and unexpectedly, there was seen a huge gathering when I entered the office.
I got a flower bouquet and a BIG card. They expected me to come well dressed with loud make up. Some of my friends even pointed me for this. My boss asked me about the gift which I got from my husband. While I was stammering to say a word which hasn’t yet come to my mind, my colleague noticed the new ring in my finger. They framed it as the gift and I didn’t object. Mother-in-law saved me actually.
I got a special treat at lunch and it was a good gesture.
I got a leave after lunch as gift!
I didn’t want to go back home and so led to the place where I had spent 24 years of my life.
My family was happily surprised to see me. My niece had grown old since the last time I saw her, some months back. She was finally in her grade 1 now.
Mom and me, we had a personal conversation. I didn’t tell her the things troubling me. I wanted to rest the things at one place only and not to make her worried. I felt the belongingness.
While leaving, I was given a huge bag of homemade eatables.
I went back and nobody was home. I took a little sleep. I woke up at 4:00 P.M. and made tea for myself. I missed the home which I had just left few hours ago where I was the only important person for everybody.
All came, I prepared food and we had dinner. I went to my bedroom to sleep. He was already asleep by then. I felt no pain and I wasn’t even surprised. Who has no value of this marriage, wont value my birthday too.
A month later.
While going office, I saw a mother dropping her child to school bus.
I also wanted to brag for my own motherhood and go for school PTM’s.
Dreaming of children would be actually a gag where my husband has never hugged me properly and has always slept with an opposite face, maintaining an arm’s distance.
I would always put my job and his job or promotions on roll, whenever our families indirectly asked of it.
Sometimes, I doubt my marriage. I don’t complain of lack of love, but the lack of friendship. I did squeeze myself smaller to fit inside his hopes, but I had only stopped existing.
It was raining that day and so we slept early, around 10 P.M. after dinner. Otherwise I and mummy ji would watch TV for a while.
Next morning, I sat up in my bed squinting at the sunlight, post rain sunlight that was creeping through my curtains. I saw him being uncomfortable of the light. I closed the windows and put the curtains properly which just flew off in the rain. I looked around and suddenly found myself staring at the patterned wall which had our marriage picture. I looked beautiful and he had some magic in his eyes.
His alarm rang and he saw me looking at the picture. I wondered what he thought of the picture.
I wish I could know what ran through his mind when he sees that.
I went to take bath and returned with wet hair. There used to be no wish to dry hair and make them proper. I just let it dry itself and let it be. I left the materialism socially and personally too, somehow.
After making breakfast and packing his lunch, I left for the office.
While working on my database structures, I got a call from my husband!
From my husband, yes, he called me.
I would be hearing his voice after a long time on the telephone.
I felt shivers inside. He called me in CMC hospital and I was told that daddy ji was unwell as he was a heart patient. I rushed in a hurry without informing anyone and leaving the databases in between.
I took a cab at the main road and skipped many beats while I was on the way to hospital.
My heart was still beating faster. When I reached the hospital, I saw bhaiya’s car in the parking area.
Mummy ji, Rishabh and bhaiya were sitting in the lounge outside ICU.
I saw fear on their face. After meeting bhaiya who was sitting next to Rishabh, I went to Mummy ji.
She told me that in the morning, she heard the noise of breaking pot in the balcony where daddy ji was watering the plants. She went there and saw him fainting on the floor. She called the neighbours.
While she was telling me that, doctor came out of the ICU and told us about the surgery which was necessary for daddy ji. His heart wasn’t functioning properly and the sugar level was very high. He told us that it would cost 3, 50,000 rupees.
Mummy ji and Rishabh looked at each other’s face. I knew there were not sufficient savings at home.
2 years back, the new house was built and the next year, Rishabh’s younger sister got married. Also, he was longing for promotion.
I saw Rishabh was calling his friends and was in panic.
I looked for messages in my cellphone regarding my account balance. I thought I would have around lakh money but actually, my savings showed an amount of 2, 50,000 rupees.
SBI branch was near and I went to withdraw money without letting Rishabh know as I knew it would be wastage of time explaining to him and his ego will be hurt somewhere. I went. After filling the initials, I got the money.
In hospital, I saw only Mummy ji. Bhaiya and Rishabh had gone for the arrangements. I told her about my part and gave the money in her hands. She called Rishabh and asked him to come back as the rest amount was now in their hands. He and Bhaiya reached in 15 minutes. Mummy ji gave him the money and when he was about to ask something, she said that it was already late so it would be better if he deposited money and completed the documentations. He went and Mummy ji came to me. She hugged me. I felt the warmth and self-satisfaction was all I knew. She had a smile, a proud smile for me.
After an hour, doctor came out of the operation theatre and said that Daddy ji was all right. We were allowed to meet him after some hours, one by one, individually. We all took a deep breath and felt saved.
I went to ask about the medicinal expenses while Rishabh went to Mummy ji. They consoled each other and were happy. I went to ask about the dinner arrangements. I told her that I’ll go home and prepare the food and be back. When I reached the main gate, I heard –
“Wait, I’m coming along with you. “
It was Rishabh the other side.
I sat in the car and we did not speak. I was so lost in my own thoughts that I didn’t realize that my husband was dropping me home himself. By helping my family, I felt that my hard work had paid off. We finally reached home.
I went to the kitchen and after dinner was made, I asked Rishabh if he was ready to go. He told me, he’ll go alone and that; I should rest at home only.
I called Mummy ji after an hour. She said that Daddy ji was fine and would be discharged in 2-3 days.
Next morning, Rishabh returned back when I was cleaning the kitchen. That day he asked me for so many things, his tie, shirt and everything. I thought he was not in a good condition after Daddy’s incident. I didn’t pay much attention to the change but yes, I did feel good. He called my name as many times as he had called in the years.
We left for the office and visited hospital to give Mummy ji her breakfast.
The whole day in the office, I felt the echoes of his voice.
When I came back home, Daddy ji had been discharged and there were many people in the house who came to know of his well-being.
Late in the evening, after tea, it started raining. The weather was so good that I sat in the balcony for a long span.
I went in my room soon after we finished dinner. I was in my position to sleep. Rishabh came and leaned on the bed with a lesser distance than usual. Also, he didn’t face himself in opposition. I just sensed that, I didn’t look back to him as I knew he wasn’t asleep by then.
“I’m happy that you revolted to my slavery. I’m happy that you didn’t let your parents' pride to be put on shame who had taught you for more than 20 years. You were right in not quitting your job for which you have studied and worked hard for years. You have held this marriage in honor actually and I was so stupid who all the time thought of you being an inappropriate girl to be a wife, not just mine, but anybody’s. You didn’t give up, so did I hold on. Otherwise, where you would have been, where I would have been and how life would have been !"
Here we are, 2 years later, still married, deeply secure and content in our future together, and what most people would describe us, “happily married “.
I have an 8 months old daughter who wouldn’t have been here at all if we wouldn’t have waited for the a moment that changed our lives.