I'll Be Waiting For You There Where It All Started

Today after all those years of self-blaming & guilt I felt, I finally made up my mind to face the situation I was always running from. I am standing in front of her grave holding the letter she sent me 7 years back. I gathered all my strength and started reading the letter because I knew on the other side it will be me vs me.

8 YEARS AGO

I was panting heavily and I'm dead tired from running because I was late for my first day at Vatican University as a Ph.D. student in the department of Psychology. I completed my graduation a year back in Michigan, after that I was confused in choosing which stream to pursue but as we all heard about love at first sight this is what happened between me and psychology.

Today was definitely not my day. I got late for class, got scolded by the professor, fell down the stairs, hurt my elbow, and a lot more but the only good thing that happened today was the therapy session demonstration.

If I briefly explain this, then it is kind of a virtual scenario of what happens during a talking session with a patient who is having some issues which can't be treated with medications. The most exciting part about this is we are allotted with a single patient to have a talk with them and know their current psychological scenario & if we get to make them any better, we will be getting special grading points. 

But at that time, I had no idea how this one event would change my whole life; it would turn my whole life on a new track.

Days passed, it was nothing new, just a repetitive cycle of attending lectures, doing assignments, taking assessments, going to the dorm, studying, eating, sleep, and then all over again. Until the end of the semester approached where after our final exam, we will get introduced to our first patient and I was exhilarated about it.

After our semester ended, on a fine chilling winter morning I was walking towards the HOD's room to get my grading sheet and my first patient's case report. When I knocked on the door, a very calm yet steady COME IN reverberated. I entered the room & realized I came at the wrong time; sir actually was in between a therapy session. I expected a lashing out from sir, but he calmly told me to sit down and listen to the session which was very bizarre for me to expect this from a stubborn and haughty teacher like him. Nevertheless, I sat down and started listening to them.

On the other side of the chair, there was a brunette woman who was in her early forties, fair skin, long, curly hair, slim body, seems to be 5'6" in height, seems to be fit body, a good facial ratio but with glum eyes. As the conversation went on, I realized it was not her first session. She was promptly answering but her words seemed to be bathed in sadness and persuasion. 

She was talking about seeing someone in her dreams who seems to be from her previous life. She believes she is the reincarnation of someone who is romantically involved with that person. Truly speaking I found it ridiculous but the first lesson we had been taught in psychology was when you are talking the person don't show your own feelings and thoughts, that's why I kept quiet.

Many moments passed, suddenly a thought struck my mind why don't we investigate the accuracy of the dreams she is having or try to tally the details to know whether she is confabulating or not? Suddenly I realized that the voices had gone quiet, I lifted my head from my notebook I saw sir is looking at me like where your all-common sense went but the lady, she is looking at me with tears and gratitude-filled eyes like she was telling me this is the first time somebody told me that's it's not her delusion. Then I realized I literally voiced my thoughts out loud.

HOD sir said why should we know about the accuracy of her dreams, I just simply said TO BREAK A BELIEF YOU HAVE TO STRIKE ON ITS ROOT, IF IT IS HOLLOW OR NON-EXISTENT, THE WHOLE BELIEF WILL CRUMBLE ON ITS OWN.

I thought this would offend the lady, but she hurriedly said" Hello, I am Nevile from the East coast." I was dumbfounded by her reaction, knowing nothing to do I also introduced myself " Hello ma'am, I am also Neville but with an extra L from Michigan". 

Upon hearing this she started laughing and thanked me because in all these years this is the first time somebody wants to know about the accuracy of her dreams rather than considering it delusional.

At that very moment sir looked at me in a very mocking manner & said " Neville with an extra L, I think now Miss Nevile Ian is your first case". This whole sentence and tone infuriated me but at the same time made me competitive. I gave my answer to sir in a very calm and affirmative manner.

Now, this has become a matter of my pride & amour-propre, but I never knew this was far from that.

Miss Ian and I exchanged numbers and I decided to meet her outside of this therapy room on the weekend because I knew if I have to end it at its root, I have to make her believe in me so that when her delusion crumbles she can be monitored by me but who knew I will be the crumbling one. On Saturday night Miss Ian messaged me to meet her in a location which she shared with me.

Sunday morning got a little warmer than yesterday or it was my determination who made me warm I really don't know. I took a cab to reach the destination for today, the cab driver asked me if this is much far from the main city. Am I aware of this? Even though I said yes, after this information, I got a little strike on my determination; am I doing this right but the very next moment I remembered HOD sir's face which extinguished all my doubts.

When the cab driver said that the location is far away from the main city he was definitely not joking, soon I was out of city and was in between lush green meadows; it slowly became so peaceful around me, the wind was ruffling my hairs, warm rays are falling on my face and all the worries are getting out of the system.

I was surprised when I reached the location, it was near a high cliff which made me scared that I followed someone who I just knew for 48 hours to this isolated deep trench area. It felt like even if I die here today nobody will have any clue about it. I was slowly examining the area and had an emergency number dialed up on my phone when I got jump scared.

Miss Ian was standing just at the tip of that high cliff; it was like just a nudge she will get plunged into the void of death. I cautiously moved near her and said hello in the meekest manner possible so that she wouldn't be surprised. Miss Ian turned towards me and said," Neville, do you want to know why I called you here". Her tone made me a little concerned but still I nodded, getting an affirmative response she started again," Neville this is the place I died in my previous life, I was thrown from here if you ask me why I don't know but I just remember that I was dragged by someone and I was begging him to let go." 

She moved nearer to the edge if that was possible and continued," Sometimes I really want to jump here and reach to the deepest pits so that I can stop all these dreams, all these hallucinations of mine." After this I completely became aware she is distressed right now because of something happened this morning or maybe on the previous day, I knew empathy won't work here so I approached in a different strategy," Miss Ian how can you say this is your hallucinations, it may be not."

She screamed and said," Nobody believes me, everyone thinks I am crazy, I can't differentiate between reality and hallucinations." I replied calmly, " I do." These two words stopped her and before she could do anything I pulled her from the edge and just after that she started crying hysterically, from her this episode I understood one thing, she was heavily anguished and disenchanted by the situation she was in. 

I waited until she calmed down and got a good jump scare when she suddenly spoke," Neville you must also be thinking that I am crazy. " I replied in negative, she continued," I had these dreams from the time I got consciousness from my accident 14 years back," She turned towards me and continued," I told all of this to my doctor they said maybe it's PTSD from which I was suffering from, I also tried to believe that but these dreams were making me more and more cautious of them, they are becoming clearer and clearer and...", she suddenly stopped and she was like finding the most convincing words to make me believe in her, to know the core of her delusion I have to get to know the whole picture so I encouraged her," And what, Miss Ian. "

"And it's becoming like it is making me aware of something or someone who is waiting for someone close to him. You know what I clearly hear him saying." Again, she stopped but this time it was like she was entering into some headspace, to stop her from that I hurriedly asked her," Miss Ian.", no response so I slightly jerked her," Miss Ian, what does that person say. ``

She looked straight into my eyes with thousands of emotions and said, " NO MATTER HOW MUCH FAR YOU GO, HOW MANY MOMENTS PASSES AWAY, HOW MANY SEASONS GOES BY, HOW MUCH PAIN I HAVE TO ENDURE, MY LOVE FOR YOU WILL NEVER FADE AWAY & I'LL WAITING FOR YOU THERE, THE PLACE WHERE IT ALL STARTED, MY LIGHT.", after that there was complete silence between us only the sound of peaceful rustling of weed grasses, gushing of wind, bird chirpings and our breathing is heard. 

After quite a good time she again started," Initially I was also sure Neville that I am being delusional, all of this is not TRUE until I found this place. Believe me, Neville this place is exactly the same as my dreams, yes some changes happened to like the road it is now cemented previously it wasn't." She stood up and started running in that direction, that was my cue to follow her. She stopped at some distance & turned toward me and said, " Here was a kind of stone bench where we used to seat, & here there was this open space hidden by lots of like 4 feet long grasses, I used to dance here and he used to watch me with so much love in his eyes.", I couldn't control myself from asking a question," You have seen his face", because I knew if it really is a dream then the person can't remember faces but if it's a delusion then a person can imagine a face, I was also getting intrigued in the story so this was the moment of the truth which will decide the result of this whole scenario.

She paused and said," You also don't believe me Neville", before I could say something she continued," NO I can't Neville, I just assumed it, you want to know why because this same scenario has occurred many times, sometimes I was wearing a frill dress & he was wearing a coat, , one day I was in lace one & he dressed like an artist, not only here Neville there was this market just after half a mile, we used to go there I have this whole veil covering my face, we used to go to campfire together and you know there was this library near the market where we first met." All this stuff she told me in one breath so right now she is panting a little bit.

I knew a little part of me had started believing in her but a much larger part of me was asking for its logicality, the chain of events she was telling me about seemed so much true that I was also getting a little shaken. I said," Miss Ian other than all these events you see in your dreams, something in this real world you found similar or some evidence of that person. " 

"No, but if we look into the police records or we look into the places that I see in my dreams, maybe we will get some clues about him. Neville, you are the first person that has shown me trust, you are the first person who is willing to listen to me, who is willing to at least know the practicality. Neville believes me if we start excavating the facts, we will definitely find him. Please Neville, please try to trust me, please." She again started crying and literally begged someone to trust her.

I was so conflicted about my own thoughts; my gut was telling me to excavate the facts but if I do this aren't I encouraging her to believe in her delusion, or am I also getting entrapped by her delusion, or if I believe in her doesn't that mean I am being empathetic which I can't be. All these thoughts are wrestling in my mind, so I decided not to take any decision right now. That's why I told her to rest and further discuss what we will be doing in our next session. 

I drove her home, and during my departure she told me that today her family told her if she is not letting go of this fantasy of hers, they will be shifting her to a psychiatric hospital for more treatment, this was the reason that she was so distressed. So, I asked her why she doesn't let go of this. She calmly told me that HE IS WAITING FOR ME THERE WHERE IT ALL STARTED. I was surprised yet impressed by her dete

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rmination which made my mind more in chaos.

Then days started passing by; I used to meet Miss Ian every weekend at places she had dreams about, & truly speaking I don't know that she was getting better or plunging deeper into delusion which made her happy. I also excelled in my first case and got my grading points due to her improvement but there was a tinge of fear in me that was asking me am I doing this right by hearing her dreams, am I pushing her towards doom, am I taking benefit of her, am I doing this wrong.

To demolish all these self-doubts, I decided to investigate one of the dreams she told me about. It was about a photo book in a museum-like organization of some rich family, and she said that the old heritage photo album displayed there has their photo in it on the last page of the book when I asked how she just said that she saw that book in hands of him, he liked to draw pictures of nature and us. I said maybe it was another book from the same printing press, but she asked me to look at the cover of the book, the photo drawn on it. When I observed it, it seemed like the same place where she took me on our first therapy session but in the picture, there was a girl standing a bit far away, she said it was her. Initially, I thought it was ridiculous because this is so random BUT at the same time this can be the most important clue of this story. If there's any picture like that then this whole story is not a delusion, it's an incomplete chapter of someone's love story. 

I don't have any idea how to excavate this fact but the self-guilt which was eating me encouraged me to do this. I am not the type of person who feels elated in treachery. 

The plan was to break into the museum, take that old heritage album book, look for the photo if found then take a picture & if not then return to base, I mean to dorm. This whole thing was so dangerous and illegal that it could lead me into prison, but this fact is how my young hormones will allow me to realize.

As a result, the next Sunday night I decided to execute the plan. Truly it was no James Bond job, I just had to know the location of the back gate, cut the glass case, take out the book, search for a drawn picture as she mentioned, if positive then take the picture & if not then come back the same path. It seemed like an easy job, but I had not the slightest idea that this would become a fateful day in our lives. The fateful day came. I was ready but there was something going on in the back of my mind, some sort of warning which I ignored, but I guess I shouldn't have.

Everything was going according to plan, I unlocked the back gate more accurately speaking broke the lock, and entered into the museum, it was dimly lit, but you can clearly make out the structures present there still for double safety I turned on my torch and moved towards the glass case. I took out my glass cutter which I borrowed from the mechanic near my dorm and started cutting the glass which was really a tough job for me. After giving so much effort I succeeded, and the book was just in front of me. This is the moment of truth for me but before I could even open that book, the siren went off. 

Now I had two choices, first to run away without knowing the truth and second to know the truth right there. If you are thinking why I can't run away with the book it's because that book is attached to its base, so to take that I have to destroy it. I chose the second option, why, I don't know but to know the truth at that moment became most important for me.

Gathering all my strength I opened the book, to my surprise there was not a picture of her but a bunch of pictures of a lady in her early twenties or younger who has a much striking resemblance with Miss Ian. Those pictures are perfectly setting into the dreams she told me about, in some drawn pictures that lady is in some dance posture wearing a frill dress, or she is standing near a flower stall, or she is studying some book in a library, she is walking through meadows, and much more. 

My hands were trembling, my legs were shaking, my vision was getting blurred and I was breathing heavily because I was getting the biggest shock of my life, the fact in no world I wanted to believe was in front of me and most importantly my heart dreaded for that lady who is fighting for more than a decade with the whole world to keep her belief, her love, she was fighting to keep the fragment of his promise and burden of the anonymity of the incomplete chapter. With trembling hands, I opened the last page, there was a portrait of them, after this I collapsed on the ground due to shock.

After I opened my eyes, I was in a hospital surrounded by police officers as expected, the principal of university, HOD sir and my roommate, Elena. Shockingly, the first sentence that came out was to call Miss Ian. I don't know what exactly was going on in my mind but the first thought in my mind was to tell Miss Ian the truth. I knew everyone was thinking of me as a crazy person but when the thought of her suffering for 15 years came to my mind it was worth it. 

To my surprise, HOD sir called Miss Ian and requested her to come to the hospital. Everyone was questioning me about the crime I committed, why I did it, what my motive was, and many other things, but I zoned out.

Only one thought was why they got separated, what exactly happened in the 1920s.

An hour or later Miss Ian's voice rang in my ears," Neville, are you okay, what happened, Neville can you hear me, Neville? " She was calling out for me in a very frightened yet concerned and caring manner that made my heart wrench for her. This was my last straw; I broke down & started sobbing. This made her more frightened; she hugged me trying to calm me down, I just wanted to tell her the truth. At that moment it seemed the right thing to do BUT was it?

In between sobbing I tried to impart," Miss Ian you're not wrong instead of that you are absolutely right, all....all of it is true." She looked confused and asked me what was true. I slightly screamed and sobbingly said," Miss Ian YOUR DREAMS ARE NOT DREAMS THEY ARE YOUR FRAGMENTS OF PREVIOUS LIFE, MISS IAN YOU ARE NOT DELUSIONAL, HE IS TRUE, HE IS NOT A IMAGINATION, MISS IAN I'M SO SORRY I NEVER BELIEVED YOU, I'M SORRY MISS IAN, I'M SORRY." 

She sat on the seat with a thump and tears started falling from her eyes but her face showed no emotions. Everyone around me who knew what I was talking about had their mouths open in shock and those who didn't were confused.

Suddenly a posh lady of the same age as Miss Ian stormed in with her secretary in the hospital room, moved towards me, and asked in an infuriating manner," Are you Nevile Darren. " I nodded and she became angrier and more lashed out at me," You Straniero, are you out of your mind, how dare you breach our family heritage. Do you think family prestige is not of any worth. You insolent brat." Suddenly another voice boomed in the room, it was of Miss Ian," Mrs. Boseman, it's not much of a lady-like character to scream like a mad woman in a hospital room, I know that this is directly related to your family prestige but please be aware of the surroundings, Mrs. Boseman." The most confounding fact was the face of Mrs. Boseman; it was as if she had seen a ghost.

Mrs. Boseman lady filed some really nefarious charges against me which were way far away from the actual crime, it seemed like she was making my way to prison clearer and Miss Ian, she was fighting her best for me because she's a lawyer & that I came to know now. 

I felt like I had worsened the situation for all of us like I had touched some nerve which had shaken everyone involved. Now the thought was it worth it, was I right on unraveling the truth, was my approach right occupying my mind. Miss Ian was fighting with all her might to save me from going to prison, but she was unable to save me from being deported & canceling my passport for 5 years.

On the day of being deported, I had this weird feeling in my heart which was making me nauseous, it felt like something was going to happen because of what I did. I was feeling so GUILTY, but Miss Ian told me not to worry she will soon be coming to meet me in Michigan, but I didn't know this was the last time I would see her.

After a year, two letters came to me, one was sent by Elena, my roommate and the other was by Miss Ian. I first opened Elena's letter because it seemed to be shorter than Miss Ian's. After opening it I was numbed, shocked, anguished, tears started running from my eyes because the letter notified me of the demise of Miss Nevile Ian. 

PRESENT TIME

All these years I blamed myself for everything, I held myself responsible for Miss Ian's demise, I never had the strength to open the letter in the fear of getting blamed for ruining everything, in the fear that she will regret meeting me and telling me her story BUT at the back of my mind I knew that all of this is nonsensical.

Even though I got my European visa back 2 years ago but strength to come here took me longer. I sat beside her grave and finally after seven years I opened the letter, 

"DEAR NEVILLE with an extra L,

I know when you will read this letter I will be long gone. Neville for my whole life I felt that there was something missing in me, a part is left of somewhere. When I got into the accident, even though I was injured and started having these dreams, no fragments of memories, strangely I felt that part completed. Trust me dear, I tried to fall in love, but I can't. It felt like I was cutting that part off. But Neville, I still married to this very beautiful man with a more beautiful heart, still I was unable to love him, and you know he understood and encouraged me to study law.

Neville, you know I always wanted a kid but after the accident I lost the capabilities for it, when I first saw you, I thought that my wish for a child is also fulfilled that's why I wanted you as my therapist. The trust you showed for an anonymous person touched my heart.

Neville, I never ever held you accountable for anything so don't you dare to go on blaming yourself for anything. I know this is getting long but let me tell you a SHORT STORY; Dear, maybe this answer all your questions,

There was a girl who studied in the library for her college exams & there was a boy who was the son of the library's owner and had an immense love for art. They are of the same age, same thoughts, same feelings that's why love blossomed between them. They were happy together, spent lots of time together, gave their first kiss to one another, and shared some beautiful memories together. BUT Neville in those times the girls who read, write & studied were considered as witches, they were considered to bring doom to the place she lives in.

Neville, unfortunately in the 1920s came the SPANISH FLU pandemic killing thousands of people and becoming a global catastrophe. When the first person got infected, they all thought that this happened because of that girl; they decided to beat her & sacrifice her in the name of supernatural power so that they can be saved but that girl was also stubborn she used her all might run towards the place where the boy promised her that HE'LL BE WAITING FOR HER. But her lover wasn't there so she decided to wait there by jumping down the cliff, so that he won't have to go far away to find her, she didn't know that at that time he also got infected with that pandemic and was waiting for her. Both died waiting for each other. Neville, they waited for almost a century to be together.

Mrs. Boseman was actually his niece's daughter, she told me that keeping the picture book safe was her filial responsibility because this was her great-grandfather's last wish.

My Dear Neville, they're about to be united after this long separation, they're about to have closure, they're about to complete their last chapter & all this happened because of you Neville. 

Both of them want to thank you from all the left parts of their soul, THANK YOU Neville for making us together again, and for helping us to have a happy ending.

My Dear Neville, if there is another life for me, I want to marry him and have you as my daughter.

Goodbye Neville 

LOVE, 

NEVILE IAN & IAN WHITLOCK "

I looked beside Miss Nevile's grave, there lies the grave of Mr. Ian. This time my eyes are filled with happy tears because this time we both got the closure that we wanted and the love that remained incomplete for a century finally found its destiny.