Hard to Define

The sunset seems to be so lonely like me, the discharge of sun from the sky making me to cry, cry as loud as I can. There is no chirping of birds, birds are also not happy with the decision of sun of going back I think. The sunset just fills me with fear and loneliness. The fear with which I have to live my whole life, loneliness which makes me weaker every time.

Somedays I think that what if I become a little sparrow then where I go to just make me understand that now I am free from all responsibility.

My chains of thoughts break by the loud sound of a horn. This is the second signal of my lonely and silent life, just a horn sound can disturb me.

I run from the window to open the gate and there is my husband, a developped strong man from a teenage boy. 

I welcome him with a warm smile in hope of getting the same response from other side. But my bad, he has the same serious face.

He goes to the room to change and I start preparing for dinner.

There is complete silence. I know that two people can't create hustle and bustle but I am hoping a chit-chat session at least. I really wanted to start a conversation for five months but I can't, who believe me that the two non-stop talkers who took anything can be so silent that they can hear each other breathing. I don't know how and when I lost my school friend, college boyfriend and a punching bag. ( He was all these for me).

This is a love marriage. A marriage for which I go against my parents. They not ready because he is an orphan and they think I feel lonely in his home, former I laugh at this statement but now whenever their words come to my mind, tears automatically start.

The same thing happening to me now, I don't want him to see my tears so I fastly remove them and look up and from blurry eyes, I can see he is nowhere. 

I clean the kitchen and move towards our bedroom and safely open the door for not to disturb his sleep but somewhere I wish that he may be awake and waiting for me, but with a sad face I go to the washroom and after changing in a comfortable night dress lay to my side of the bed. 

He looks so cute with a sleepy face it reminds me of the cute funny guy who lost in the pressure of office work. I don't blame him for his busy life because before entering in this he asked this, he tells me that during this job he has less time for us and for the sake of comfortable life I lost my lover.

I think I am not too strong. I try to sleep with the expectation that tomorrow I don't need to afraid, I don't need to feel lonely. Tomorrow sunset brings positive energy and my fear that of losing him dies forever.

I don't want that he make this change permanent