Happiness Bubble

"Are you really happy?"

 Sure I am.

"You went through so much recently, you don't have to put up a happy pretence. Sometimes it's okay to be upset."

I know. 2022 wasn't exactly easy. But who said we cannot be both in a day? Who said our experiences become our cover of existence? I can be upset, reminiscing about all that I went though recently, with shaking fingers grasping my coffee mug, for an hour in the morning. And suddenly a new born's wail fills the OT, making my heart full as I hold him in my now steady hands. I forget in that moment, the past days, months or years. And that exact moment stays with me now for the entire day. If you ask me in the morning, I may not say so, but if you ask me at any point of time, after I walk out of the OT, I will smile and say, "I'm so happy today."

Today. Tomorrow, I may not know of. But I'm sure, a beach themed cafe or an evening out dancing will keep my answer at happy.

"You are young. You have a lot of enthusiasm in you. Let responsibilities burden you, we'll talk in another 10 years."

"It's 2032. Have your 30s changed your answer now? I'm sure you know better now."

I do know better now. I realize I could have spent lesser time wallowing over something that wasn't in my control, when I was 27. And spent those hours in doing something enriching instead. I could have had many more memories to look back at now.

And about the change in my answer, my school best friend found me on Instagram, took my number and called me yesterday. 21 years, we talked after 21 years. About old days and new. About our families, our work spaces, new habits and old. We talked for 2 hours and made plans to meet this weekend. She is flying down to my city and is willing to catch up. To say I feel happy, would be an understatement, wouldn't it? 

"But don't you have more responsibilities now? Don't they weigh heavy on you?"

I do and they do, at times. But looking forward to meeting my long lost best friend, took all the weight off my shoulders, that had stayed there all this month. I feel like I have been refuelled. Is it necessary to let exhaustion be inversely proportional to our happiness? I think both can have their own places, without overlapping.

"You still have a lot to live for. Your days are still budding. We'll see in 10 more years."

"How do you feel today, now that you are about to turn 50 in a few years. Does 2042 still feel happy now that your personal and professional life are both wearing off?"

Oh yes. Very much so. Come, let me show you my garden outside. I woke up to new baby petunias this morning and oh my, what a lovely colour they brought over my face! It's all I am going to talk about at the hospital today. My colleagues will be annoyed and equally eager to come visit my garden over the next few days, you'll see. My daughter, inspired, has convinced her room mates to put up a house plant in front of their college dorm. I was elated on seeing the pictures. Nothing has worn off. If anything, I now have different sets of families at work, home and in the tiny separate friend circles I Indulge in. They overlap at times too and believe me, you don't want that. Though it's entertaining, to watch them shoot their own ideologies of fun, life, personal and professional ailments. It's quite a mixology. Oh, I cannot wait to be 50 and be the fabulous, fun oldie, youngsters these days will love to include in their sleepovers. My daughter's friends, to begin with.

"But...oh well, you say that now. We'll talk when you actually have lived your 50s."

Hey, you're here. I turned 57 yesterday. Here, let me give you some leftover cake.

"You seem like you had quite a party."

Oh I did. 2052 came with it's own downside. Had to deal with a few losses amongst friends and family. But hey, life goes on, doesn't it? I am alive still. Why spend even a day, not living? I celebrated life yesterday, grateful for a fulfilling one. I still have so much to experience. 

"But how can you be happy, still? After so many experiences, ups and downs? Does nothing bother you?"

Certainly does. So many things do. But how does dealing with one's life experiences, good or bad, affect our own happy bubble? How do we let anything pop it?

"Isn't having a happy bubble, childlike? Just a dream? Undefined?"

Having a happy bubble is certainly like a dream. A dream we don't have to close our eyes to walk into. It is our patent, as humans. 

A place where everything that pleases our senses encompass us into a snuggle bear. Or a butterfly. And we flutter around, whether after a lovely proposal from the love of our life, after having that perfect cup of coffee we have made, while it rained incessantly outside, after a patient's eyes lights up in gratitude for you, after you hold your new born in your arms for the very first time, or just randomly remember am old memory from your old school. We flutter around in the dream, as if anything from the waking world that could cause seismic vibrations, ceases to exist there. As if a wall, invisible to the naked eye, stands between the two realms. Keeping this realm, your happy bubble, blissfully intact for everytime you want to walk in. 

Childlike you say? Our happy bubble is exactly like a child's world. Nothing comprehensible or incomprehensible can prick it down. 

So, we walk between the realms and do our duties and live the lows and highs and walk across into our bubble, knowing being happy is not a task in there. Or pretence. We just need to be and happiness engulfs us whole, every fibre of our being.

So if you ask me, if I am happy still, I am.

For I have made myself a home in my happy bubble and I walk in there so frequently, my waking world doesn't get enough time to wear me out.

Now, would you like to sit and watch the video diaries of me, my family had put up yesterday for my birthday? You will find a lot sillier me in there, I promise.

"Oh, you were a riot all these years."

I told you. 

"You have been living a full life, I must say."

By choice.

And there's so much more to live for.

~ u.m