From The Death Bed

I lay awake that night, looking out of my bedroom window. The moon seemed to be shining brightly, there were no stars twinkling in the sky; it might have seemed like a perfect set for some horror story, but to me, everything looked beautiful. Why is this happening? I thought, has it always been so beautiful or have I started appreciating it since I don't know if I'll be having the privilege again?

After 3 months of variety of medical tests performed, of innumerable poking needles, of endless medicines prescribed, the doctors finally found the cause of my illness. It had grown gradually and the doctors' fake assurance that I'll be fine hadn't convinced me. I could read the fear on his face.

I was vaguely confused on how I felt about the whole thing. I knew I wouldn't be living for long, but did that scare me? Did that motivate me to accomplish all the things that I wanted to do before I died? I didn't know. All I knew was that death was certain, if not now, maybe a few years later. I felt numb at the idea of leaving behind everyone I loved to cope with my death.

I twisted and turned in my bed, not being able to sleep. I had so many dreams, so many aspirations... I couldn't decide whether to fight the inevitable or embrace it?

Eventually sleep took over, (or maybe the medicinal drugs did, I am not sure!) and I, as usual got the weirdest of dream, Wait! Was it a dream?

I sat in front of a hooded figure that introduced itself as DEATH.
"You can ask me anything you like," he said.
"I have lots of questions. How many would you answer?" I asked, my eyebrows shooting up.
"As many as you manage to ask before the Sun comes up," he replied equivocally.

"OK, then I better not waste any minute of this. Tell me, why are people so scared of you?"
"People are always afraid of the unknown. They don't know anything about me. Hence the fear," he replied.
"What is so unknown about you? Death is certain. We are mortals. We all are going to die one day; so why be scared of something that is going to happen, no matter what?!"
"They are not scared of what lies ahead. They are scared of what they will have to leave behind. They are scared of what would happen after their death. What would happen to their near and dear ones. They are scared of leaving the world of attachments.
         You see life, to people is like the costliest toy is to a child. They fear breaking the toy, losing it. So they do everything in their power to hold on to it. You see, elder people, who have lived their life, experienced everything in their life aren't so afraid of death. They accept it with open arms. Some people who feel that their lives are not worth it; are depressed, commit suicide to get away from their life. It's all about the bond."

 

"But there are some who devote themselves to God; all they want is moksh, salvation," I countered.
"Some people think that they know what holds for them after death, so they embrace me. They believe in what has been taught to them as kids. They believe in the idea of hell and heaven, and as you rightly said, salvation- of being one with the Creator."
"So, then, Hell and Heaven, they don't actually exist?"
"I never denied their existence. Nor did I accept it. But, between you and me, we don't want trouble shooting up, do we? If people are not scared of the sins they might commit, there is no stopping the humans," he said, smirking and continued, "The Universe, my child, has it's own secrets. If I reveal those to you, I wouldn't be a good secret keeper!"
"Why the secrets?" I asked, now even more enticed.
"I would rather call it a mystery. If you knew that there was a better life after you died, wouldn't you want to get there faster? And if you knew that there wasn't so good a life as promised after death, wouldn't you want to hold on to this one? It disturbs the balance. You'll only know what holds next when you reach there!"

"And what about reincarnation?"
"Did you learn Science as a kid? You were taught the balance of everything, the equilibrium. An atom has equal number of protons and electrons. Similarly, there is a balance to be maintained in the Universe. For every death that takes place, there is a birth."
"Why do people not remember their past lives?"
"People are given a clean slate at every birth to start anew and follow the path that will eventually give their souls a satisfaction of having lived a life. If they dwell in the past, they would forget about their futures!"
"So if every soul is re-incarnated, what are ghosts and spirits?"
"Have you seen any? They might or might not be real. For those who believe, they are a glitch in the flawless Universe and for those who don't, they surely would have reincarnated by now!" Death chuckled at my inquisitiveness.

"Is there no way to dodge you?"
"You may dodge me now, but eventually, I will find you. As you mentioned, I am inevitable and every human is a mortal. So there is no dodging me."
"So why are people so happy when they fight cancer? They have needles poked into their bodies, go through painful treatments only to die in a car crash a few months later?"
"It is human nature. When they think that they have defeated me, they take pride in it. But they don't understand that their victory is temporary. It's like prolonging the pain by taking tablets when you know that it's going to emerge even fiercer when the medicine's effect wares off."

"If I die, will I be able to see my grandmother again?"
"Do you want to?"
"It'd make it a lot easier to embrace you if I know she'll be there for me when I die. I guess some attachments don't break even after death!" I smiled a teary smile.

I waited for Death to answer. All his answers; they made sense. The Death was giving me logical answers that my mind could comprehend. Maybe, all dying people saw death before they died. Maybe death was sent to them to make their journey more comfortable, to prepare them for the inevitable!
After a long silence, Death said, "Your Grandmother awaits you," and faded into the shadows as the first rays of the morning sun came up.

I woke up with my head spinning so fast that I could barely breathe. My pulses and heart beats went into an overdrive. I woke up, that evening, to realize that I was admitted in the hospital, but to my utter astonishment, I wasn't dead.
"NOT YET," I heard Death say.