Rachel Jagan



Rachel Jagan


Finding Ms. "Z"

Finding Ms. "Z"

4 mins

This is not a story.

Lessons, random musing.

formed out of hours of infinite free time.

There is this someone I know, lets call her Ms."Z" whom I have been living along with, for my whole lifetime.

"Z" taught me several lessons, we went together through a lot of life's unplanned sudden burst of events, we have had hundred's of thousands of moments comforting each other, in tears and laughter through sorrow and happiest of times.

"Z" always taught me to think not twice but thrice and more, and I think maybe it has helped me sort out circumstances that were against my favor but also ended up in misery because of my thoughtless thoughts.

"Z" and I had a couple of months sitting at home waking up when the sun had enough of its "rise and shine" drama and at a stage where it had to retire for a while before noon.

we had this one minute of prayer around the bed and went straight to the verandah which was according to "Z" the best place for hanging out with family, the best place to be alone, watching what the world outside is doing.

A newspaper was always under the front wheel of a nicely parked old sedan that has spikes on its wheel.

Random hurrying over the pages, counting whether the cases reported previous day by the favorite news channel was rightly written in the newspaper.

"Z" and I made the morning tea for the five members of the family, who otherwise wouldn't see the sun ever unless its the morning doorbell which is now untouched for a couple of months.

Mobile was my companion but "Z" always told me not to get too much intimidated by phone and try taking up few life lessons instead.

I tried but could not hold more 10 minutes before I check my phone- checking the no one to text arena called WhatsApp or Instagram.

"Z" always wanted to try cooking, do household chores, and learn a new skill, provided, you have the liberty to do anything at home without being screamed at.

But on the other side me, who was never into these, could not spend a moment doing things which actually helped me develop my personal skills 

Me and "Z" had conflicting thoughts on a lot of other topics as well.

"Z" liked to follow a pattern of waking up early morning, exercising for a couple of minutes, having 3 meals a day at the right time, having a cup of coffee sitting on the couch discussing over all the issues around the neighbor at four in the evening.

I on the other hand had made myself convince I can be lazier if I try for more.

I instead saw sunshine at noon, breakfast at 2 in the afternoon, tea at 6 in the evening and dinner and sleep much later on, spending almost every hour on the sofa, wondering if I am bored or not.

During those moments where I and "Z" have time for ourselves to share thoughts think and comment on anything under the sky,

I used to motivate "Z" to be normal, enjoy the pretty days that lockdown brought in but "Z" always insisted on using time efficiently and develop on skills and personality building.

The only thing we had common agreement was the fact that we both enjoyed every moment spent with family, turning chatter to shouts and sound, to annoying our neighbors and get them listening through our walls and windows.

"Z" taught me to get connected to people whom I have rarely been in contact with and also, I actually realized with help from "Z'" that you can actually live days without posting stories on Instagram.

"Z" forcefully made me write stuff, note down random ideas and thoughts.

In fact "Z" helped me to stay away from people whom I should not be in contact with, genuinely enjoy the little time, and be happy for that moment you are in.

"Z," told me if you were to achieve something that you want to, be motivated and you can go for it even at times of most impossible situations.

Three-four months taught me to have home-cooked food rather than whining over them, acting like I am an urban cool kid heavily dependant on food services.

 "Z" on certain days took me to gardening lessons and for the first time ever, the home looked like real "Home" with a few plants around.

By the influence of Ms "Z", I also used the time to do art, craftworks, decorating recycling, and other hobbies that were the hobbies of the past generation, which for me in the past were childish.

Ms "Z" has made me realize that that you can actually have time around your family, without complaining of being bored.

"Z" taught me to enjoy the present moment because no one is secure, no one can predict if you are the next victim! Why not make yourself busy like you don't have an extra minute to be lazy around? 

Looking back,

I find myself happy that I had time to do things which I would have never done if I weren't home like I am right now,

I find myself happy that I was able to find Ms. "Z" to teach me important life lessons.

When I wind up my not so short experience, even I am wondering, So who is this Ms."Z"? 

"Z" is my inner self!

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