Emotional Me, Emotionless Me

I'm Juliet. I'm just a normal high school student just like others. Put yourself in my shoes to understand my life full of beautiful colours. Giving lectures on life might be a good thing but reading it won't be fun for most of the teens. Even I hate it. So let's start our journey. I'm average with my grades and beauty and some times I feel like there's something special in me, you, and everyone and I wanted to write about it. But I have no ideas. will I ever be able to write. Of course, everyone's life is a story. But who will read it? Will you? Will I? Let's see.

First day of school is something special. The fragrance in the room brings many memories and a refreshing mood comes out of us. New students, new atmosphere everything is new. School days are filled with many joys and mind blowing things is what I thought till I met a certain him, a new student. Who would not have a crush on him? Even I had but never showed it because I don't show my emotions on the face. He was cheerful. The aura behind him was colourfull and joyful. So just remained as normal friend and classmate.My aura doesn't have any colour but at certain times I have a dark aura because teachers scold for useless reasons. What should I call it? I don't know.

After a year..... everything started with

Separated paths, separated destinations we went to different sections. He was in grade 6 class D and I'm in grade 6 class C. I had a haircut leaving my long hair was hard but now it's up to my cheeks.

Days of annual day preparations

I met him and talked with him. Just because of a silly promise to give him an eraser, a toy shaped one. After that, I never talked to him. Mostly it was because he likes my friend. What's your most heartbreaking moment? I had it a lot of times and I even stopped feeling sad over them. It's been a year already why does time go this fast? I hate it for some reason. But the only thing that bothered me was one of my friend left the school. Many of them left but he was a certain person. He brought me happiness to some extent. I started to enjoy the things I do.

But why does it all comer over to the starting? It's my most depressing moment because I wasn't able to decide whom I actually have feelings for. It's has become a hassle for me. Paul or John who brought me happiness? it's like hell. Unable to share these things with anyone is also depressing. Not a certain person it might be Paul or John no one actually believed in the first place. What is speak is just a lie. Ain't a trustworthy person? Who are they to decide me by my looks? They don't have that right? But why me? What did I do to deserve this?

Leaving everything and moving with the present became hard for me. It affected my studies a lot nothing can be done, right? Everything was fine till the magazine work started. I was assigned to prepare articles on math quizzes and puzzles. That is when I went to D section to visit my teacher for suggestions. But why that class of all classes? Paths crossed, destinations crossed, I once again met Paul. Why he? He was standing in front of me. Looks like he doesn't remember me. He looked like that from years. Surprisingly we became close. But soon everything thing came to an end. I'm going to join in another school, where John is studying. I never talked to Paul again. Soon I got transferred. It's a hostel this time.

Now I'm 10th grader. But let's discuss about the past years first.

Destinations crossed for both John and me but paths never crossed.

Nothing was special when I was in 8th grade. But in 9th grade most of the things happened. I was full of regrets for two years. What about John he seems to regret more than me maybe not. I actually can't do anything but just sit and watch. literally we were not in the same class I was in second-highest section and he was also in that section but rooms are different both are second top sections in our school. He took a demotion from F topmost section and usually I took demotion to third highest section. Both are self demotions. We took them happily.

But reasons are quite different. I don't know his reason. But I'll share mine. It all started when I got promoted. It's all my hard work. I will never give the credit to others? Why should i? Actually I suppressed and stressed myself for my parents. They said there friends children are all in top sections. When will you go? It is a question asked by all. Basically I hate that section. But to see my parents happy I went. I got promoted. I was successful. But there is internal happiness. I ranked first in my exams but I wrote those when I'm in third highest section.

Nothing mattered for my parents. It might be rude to say so but they actually don't know that I ranked first till today. I was scared to say because if they'll know I can't take demotion. Sometimes I felt like I don't deserve to be in that section because the atmosphere was like that. Everything made me depressed. Time passed and there came another test due to over stress and pressure I ranked last. It isn't a shameful thing to share. Why should I be shameful to share that? My parents don't even know this. All I did was cry till my tear glands break, eyes swollen and red. One of my friend, Hema helped me in taking demotion. I cried like hell because everyone did the same thing, kill my emotions. My teacher said to take demotion. I thought to myself that if I can I would have taken it earlier so no destructions would happen. You know something, I had a haircut cut again to the same level. Why? I do like my hair like all other girls but when something worst happens I do cut it because I can't cut of my head or the heads of those who bully me, right? It would be the worst act if I had done it. Another reason is it stopped growing but I'm still growing. It is the only one that stays with me every time. Don't you think so? When it grows with you or or when you pull it, it won't cry.

I always felt like my hair shares my pain.

The actual reason was split into two. I never shared with anyone.

1. My marks.
2.  Rumours about me.

When I cried while talking with my parents on the phone. My mom scolded me. That is the first time when I cried that I don't need this kind of life. Why won't anyone see things from my perspective? Is it that sinful to see? My dad agreed for my demotion. Even my mom agreed. I took it. But I was never happy. Before or after demotion, before or after changing school, I was never happy. Cause rumours never stopped spreading.

Everyone including Hema said I loved him and he loved me. Who is that he? Is he the person I know? No. We were just classmates. I never saw his face. But no one believed me. Why? Same questions same thoughts came over and over again. The girl who informed me about the rumour was my friend, Sweety. I stood by her side when she was in trouble but she didn't support me in that situation. I felt betrayed. Having no words to say I fought with two of my roommates. One is Sweety and the other is the certain him, Abhi's cousin, Navya. This all happened on November 28th.

After some months maybe in December, 

I faught with Hema. It was the same reason. A misunderstanding. It's not me who misunderstood, it was she. She was showing something and Abhi came in the middle by the time I saw in the direction of her finger he was already there. Wait.... are you perhaps thinking that I misunderstood?No, I wasn't. I thought not to bring his topic because I was happy with my life. But she thought something thing else. She taught that I was hiding because I didn't know that she's actually showing something else. Fight began. It grew. But all supported her. Sweety and her friend Suna supported her. 

My name was in that class list because my demotion was a bit late. Sweety knows I liked John. It's nothing to make a fuzz around. They started betraying me like hell. At that time I had three friends Ana, Hana, Manasa. I shared everything thing with them. They are my most trusted friends till today.

Around March I and Suna became friends. I said I forgot the reason why I fought with them but I actually remember it. Even now while writing it gives my heart pain. It is a deep pain. But they never understand. Because I cried every night from November 28th to this date.

She said to try talking with Sweety. I thought why should I try? She must apologise.

March 19th we got our holidays. Till that day she tried to talk with me but I never talked. I don't even want to talk. Rumours didn't stop. I'll always believe those three.

It was May.

Mom suddenly said to me, 

If had been in that section..... it would be nice...

I was silent because there is something I can't say and even if I say they may misunderstand.

I don't know if what I did was right or wrong. I can't say thoses to anyone. I'm unable to say.

I'm unable to believe someone. It's hard.

Killed emotions, insecurity everything thing we experience in our daily life. It is easy to say that life is hard but you should never give up. Give it a try. You may lose hope but there's someone who'll give you that hope. I'm happy with my life. 

This is the story of Juliet who has gone through many sufferings. As her friend, I tried to understand her feelings. I always wanted to write a story about myself but I made myself a side character to understand Juliet.

She is living a happy life. She never had a thought about love. She's studying hard.