Destined To Fall Apart

She couldn't do it anymore.

That was the only thing in her mind while she was walking down the familiar street. The same street that leads to his house. The same street that she must have walked a thousand times before. And in her mind, this was the last time she was going to do this.

The tears were already starting to form in her eyes. She knew this was not going to be easy at all. There was no way she could do this without getting emotional. It was not something she could easily let go. She was not stopping something that was two months old. No, this time she was sacrificing 8 years.

She still remembers the first time she saw him. They met online on some website where people go to ignore how lonely they are in their life. Months of talking later and she was finally comfortable enough to meet him in real life. When they decided to meet up, she realised that he didn't leave that far away from her. There was a tint of nervousness but mostly it was a huge excitement. She felt like she has known him for years even though it's only been a few months. And she was finally ready to see how he was.

And he didn't disappoint her. If she was being honest. He was not a prince charming. Just an average looking 24 years old. He was a bit taller than her considering the fact that he was 4 years older than her. But she didn't mind it. They had overcome the age difference thing a long time ago.

They met once, then twice and then kept meeting regularly. Conversations flew smoothly between the two and she found herself looking forward to meeting him. There was something extremely charming about him that she found attractive. That was a good enough reason for her to keep meeting him. They both felt it. They both experienced as the friendship turned into something a bit deeper. He was the first one to confess it and that scared the hell out of her.

Her mind spun when she realised what he wanted. He wanted a relationship and he wanted it with her. She said no at first but still found herself thinking about him all the time. She knew she wanted him but she was so scared of the commitment. The fact that she has never been in a relationship didn't help her either. But months of pursuing and she finally decided to go with her heart and said yes.

Not many things after that. They kept meeting. The only changed thing was the label which was now 'in a relationship' . But now she had a secret to keep.

No one knew that they were together. No one could know. They both knew that. But it was easier to say that they can keep it a secret and actually be doing it. As they experienced falling in love together so did the insecurities rose on both sides. It was not possible to meet every day. The fact that they weren't the same age didn't help either. Both of them had a different friends circle and had to give time to them too.

She found herself getting restless every time he ignored her call or didn't message back immediately.

She was pissed at herself for being such a jealous bitch but it was not her fault. She was so used to people always leaving her behind that she was sure he is going to leave too. He made it clear so many times that she was the one for him but she didn't believe him. On the other side, he had his insecurities too. He was convinced that she will eventually leave him and find someone her age. They both were scared of losing each other but both were tongue-tied.

This led to numerous fights and days of not talking. It killed them both to ignore each other. So many intense arguments and they still found themselves coming back to each other. They had such contrasting personalities but that never stopped them from being together.

But today was the last strike for her. She was tired of hiding it from everyone. Lying every time she was asked if she was seeing someone. She has never been the type of person to lie to her parents.

It killed her when she saw other couples holding hands in public and looking at each other without any care in the world. She did it for 8 years. This was the most steady thing in her life. She was so scared of losing him that she didn't realise how much it was affecting her. But now she knew this was poisonous for them. And she couldn't do it to him and to herself.

So she woke up this morning with her head hurting and her eyes completely red. The moment she decided to do it last night, she didn't sleep at all. She ignored him for the last few days in hopes that he would find someone new. The look on his face was heartbreaking. To see him suffering because she was ignoring him was making her miserable. But she knew this was the best thing. He needed to find someone who didn't have so much burden on her. Someone who could be with him without any hesitation. And she was no that person.

She rang the bell of his apartment and just stood there, her hands shaking like a leaf. He opened the door looking like a mess. It looked like he just woke up but she knew he did not. He was always such a morning person unlike her who loved her precious sleep.

If she was guilty before, the way he looked made her want to cry like a baby. His messy hair and his swollen eyes were an indication that he didn't get much sleep last night. His beautiful smile gone and a frown was settled on his face. But the moment he looked up and saw her, the smile was back. He opened his arms to hug her but she walked past him and into the house. The house was almost destroyed. There were plated everywhere and things were just thrown around.

"You didn't clean up," she stated rather than asking. He was still at the door, his hands dropped to his sides. His frown came back once again when her sentence registered in his mind. He nodded his head, not wanting to hide anything from her. She raised her eyebrows at him, clearly wanting him to explain further.

"I haven't had time babe. I got home really late last night. " he sighed looking extremely tired. She felt the guilt rising inside her but she didn't let him see it. The nickname made a bunch of butterflies stir alive in her stomach. But she tried hard to make it evident how much she missed him call her that.

"We need to talk," she said as coldly as she could. His eyes widened. A strange fear washed over him. This was never the right statement to start a conversation. He was a bit scared of what she was going to say but he nodded nonetheless.

"I don't want this anymore," she said and he laughed. He laughed so much that he had to bend down and hold his knees. He knew she was joking. She had done this a million times before. She knew how much angry that makes him so she always says that. But to his surprise, she was not laughing when he finally looked at her.

"You are joking, right? You have to be. " he smiled at her. She would not do this, right? She was joking. She has to be. She would never leave him. It's been eight years. She won't do this to him now.

But sadly, life doesn't always work how we want it too. And she was definitely not kidding. she told him how she didn't want to be with him anymore. How she was done with all these secrets. She told him that she was not interested in him anymore. She told him that she wanted to see other people than him. Someone her age and that was something he has always dreaded. And with every word she said. He found himself breaking down even further.

She was not any different than him. The tough look on her face didn't show the storm of emotions she was going through. The more she accused him of all the "sadness" he put her through, the more she hated herself. And once she saw the tears in his ocean blue eyes. She was not even sure why she was doing this.

"No. baby no. please don't do this to me. You can't leave me. No, you can't. I won't let you. " he stepped forward and hugged her tightly, continuously shaking his head. He didn't want to accept that she was leaving him.

He looked like a child who was told that he couldn't get his favourite toy. He was legitimately shaking at that time. She felt his shoulders shaking with tears as he hugged her to his chest. His warmth surrounded her and she found herself regretting the decision. But she had to be tough for both of them. She had to be.

So she pushed him away, putting some distance between for the sake of her own sanity. She was a bit startled that she hadn't started crying still. Her cold heart was helping her in that and she loved and hated it at the same time. His eyes showed the pain of rejection and she wanted to take him in his arms again. But she couldn't. So she turned around and looked away from his face. Fuck it was the toughest thing she had to do so far. Her heart was splitting into million pieces. She found herself taking steps towards the door. She wanted to say something else. But all her strength was suddenly just drained out of her. Her body was already feeling the effects.

"I love you. I fucking love you. Please don't do this. Please. I can't live without you. " And just like that, she was gone. Her head spun and her heart broke.

No. He couldn't do that right now. He didn't love her. He was just trying to make her stop. She turned around to look at him, her jaw dropped and shock evident on her face. But he was not. He was not lying. How could he be when his head was lowered and his shoulders were slumped like he was losing everything. His eyes filled with water and then he was crying.

She had never seen him crying. One sentence from him and she realised that she loved him too. She had for a long time but him saying it just confirmed it. And now she didn't know if she should be happy or she should cry. She immediately turned towards the door. No, she won't back out now. She did it so far. She would do it again. Just a few minutes more and she could leave. She would be a stone-cold bitch and she would break his heart. Even if it breaks her heart in the end.

So she laughed. She laughed like the devil she was. She laughed like this was the funniest thing she had ever heard in her life. She laughed when the only thing she wanted to do was turn around and jump in his arms. When the only thing she wanted was to kiss him and tell him how much she loved him.

"Well too bad. Cause I don't. And I never will. " she said and then laughed again. She got a glimpse of him collapsing on his knees and his body broke down in sobs after sobs. Good. now he will hate her and forget about her. Now he could finally move on.

After that, she walked away and closed his door behind her. In a daze, she walked to her car. Once she was finally inside, his words registered in her heart and she smiled like an idiot. He loved her. She loved him. But it was too late. They didn't have the normal story. She had just destroyed their chance at a happy ending. She destroyed their future and she was not sure if it was a good thing or a bad.

She finally broke down in tears. The love she had for him crushed her heart and it was suddenly harder to breathe. Her body trembled just like him as she cried at her loss. She left a piece of her heart with him and now she didn't know what to do with herself.

They both cried in agony as they lost the love of their life that day. One cried because he was not good enough to make her stay while the other cried because she was not strong enough to fight for the other. They both had different reasons to cry for but the pain was the same.

That day two souls lost their mate. Both wanted to be with each other but they couldn't. The world was not ready for a story like theirs. There was too much pain to be happy.

She wanted him to be happy. But she forgot that his happiness was with her. So she left in the hope he will move on. But did he? Who knows. That chapter of their life was over and there was no happy ending for them.

Who said there always has to be a happy ending. They had their moments and now it was time to heal themselves.