Departure

Meeting someone changing your whole life around and then having to come to a point where you have to lose that person is not only sad and frustrating but also makes us think a lot. Something I have experienced both losing a person and also being the person who someone has lost. The experience that one goes through is also a way to make us strong and helps us become an important aspect of our personality building.

How do we meet someone? How the spark within us does make us initiate a conversation and how do we get going? How do you know that you will be losing this person and should we be stopping that person?

It all started with a look and then understanding how do we initiate a conversation, making all possible excuses and topic just to get the ice breaker of starting a conversation. So yes I did mine it, all it took was a poem and my feeling channeled to draft what my heart wants to say. I did not want to start a conversation being a dumb and coming up with lame excuses as she was special. I told myself if I ever talk to her I will let the world know what I feel for her. But yes then I forgot it was my life and nothing ever happens without having to prove that I am dumb. I looked at her she was looking back at me and I gave her a hesitant smile and then took my eyes back.

In my mind, I knew she caught me staring at her and I needed a cover-up. People say my eyes are very expressive and it gives away all my intension. I then went up to her and finally told her “I am new and I cannot understand what I need to do”. Thinking she will feel after one week I actually came up and spoke to her. She looked at me and gave me a smile telling me she will explain, I was happy knowing that finally, I spoke to her. I also was mesmerized by her perfume so strong yet so silent. She came to my desk and helped with what I had asked for but deep down I knew that was not what I was looking for. I was lost in the way she was explaining making me fall in love deeply, I even was humming cliff Richards “fall in love with you” and she did not understand why I was having that sly smile on my face. She then asked me if I understood what she said and I was like “Yes”, with that smile still light on my face.

After that day I was again finding reasons to go talk to her but always hesitated to make me conscious about what she may think about me. But I don’t know why I did not mind she thinks of me like a fool as I just wanted to be lost in her perfume and her tone. She was sitting right next to me today but I had not spoken a single word to her, so I decided I will let my feelings out in a poem. After some lines, she finally asked me what I was doing since so long and peeped into my PC screen and there I was almost caught. She seen I was writing something but I changed the page, she insisted to read but I ignored it anyways. But she was persistent and she made me promise her to make her read when I finished writing and I had no choice to agree. I finished the poem but I did not show her, she came again asking me to show her and she wants to read it. I was scared that she would read and she should not know that the poem was for her and hence I kept delaying it.

Well, the day I saw her sitting in the aisle of the office bay, she did not see me so I choose to sit in another place thinking she won’t see me. But then she used a messenger to send me a “Hi”, someone so persistent to know what was written. I took some time to myself and then I sent the poem I wrote thinking that she won’t understand, well in a hope that she won’t understand. I sent it in an email and I got a reply “will read it and let you know how it is”. For quite some time I did not get any reply inquisitively I peeped closely where she was sitting. I see she is reading it over and over again and then she catches me looking at her she locks her PC and then leaves to go out.

I was scared thinking that maybe she got to know who the poem is about and like a fool I let my feelings out pour like this. She finally walks in after twenty minutes and sends me a ping “who is the poem for it’s very deep, it felt that it was describing me” “is the poem written for me”. I knew I was caught and I had no cover-up regarding that I admitted it was for her knowing I had nothing to lose as If she did not like this gesture she will not talk to me anyways she used to not talk to me very much. Feeling all low that I should have not sent her I kept the feeling to myself and sent her a “Sorry” message and went offline.

To my surprise, she sent me a reply of my poem in the email telling me how broken she is and how people have taken advantage of her and she has always sacrificed for the greater good for others. She was trying to convince me not to fall for her. She came to know I started having deep feelings for her and in her reply, it was only filled with cautions and signs that her life is filled with thorns. Well, even I am a stubborn lover it disturbed me that why such a simple and a beautiful girl thinks so much bad and hate her own self so much.

It made me drawn to her even more, I had to make sure that she understands that she is a princess who needs to be adored and a rose who needs to know how delicate she is yet someone who can handle herself with her thorns as her strength. I knew that I would have to mold her into a person who can see her true self. So all I did was sent her a reply to her email but in a poetic way. She read it and was left with no words. I was very surprised how it turned out for me, I thought she would take it in a bad way and stop talking to me but no she was surprised as to how I can fall for her.

After that, we both were finding ways to talk to each other sometimes bring something small for each other. As days and weeks passed it came down to text messages where we both use to share everything about each other. I knew this was a forbidden land for me but I felt so connected as if this was meant for me. I then decided to let her know that I cannot belong to anyone as I am a Loner. She was also waiting to share the same as she cannot trust anyone after what she went through. But even after sharing that we both cannot have a future we still decided to care for each other and look after each other. I was silently changing her dressing style her way of looking at things and also making her strong in giving people back. We always knew where to keep our distance and we both respected that.

Dooms day! Yes, it was that day for us. A riot broke down and we were stuck in the office but for some reason, she was very adamant that she wanted to leave in spite of several warning and unsafe travel. I was not willing to let her go alone in this condition and I convinced to tag along telling her I will leave her home. The trip and the situation on the road was intense where there was fear and also closeness among us. Yes, this was the day where our lips met in the auto-rickshaw we both did not realize it.

I guess it was our hearts that wanted it but we never could say it and then magically it just happened and it felt like ice melting on the skin, so warm yet so addictive. We anyhow made it to the station and got the train to her place. I was supposed to leave her and come back just when the situation worsened and the trains service was canceled and I had no choice but to stay back at her place. I was a bit shy and hesitant as I had to stay back at her place.

She offered me her bed and asked me to get some sleep and she and her bro slept in her granny’s room. I got up in the middle of the night to go to the washroom and I find her awake in the kitchen getting water to drink. She asked me “Am I not getting sleep” and I was like “Yes, I was just thinking about what happened in the evening in the auto and I wanted to say I am sorry” and “I really did not realize how it happened”. She said “It was Okay neither did I realize and it just happened and we both stared in each other’s eyes. Before we could realize it again we were again lips on lips with each other. But our passion went on further we went back in the room and started to touch each other and feel each other with love and the passion was strong and over powered our distance. We kept going on till we had nothing on each other, her bare body was so beautiful with marks as if someone had hurt her in her past and I so wish I could take it all away.

I rather kissed all her marks and she was with her closed eyes lost into my touch. I kept my finger running all over her and swayed my lips all around her. I explored the warm in her and also let her gush her love out. I was also lost into her and I could not stop loving her touching her. This was the purest form of love I had ever made with anyone. Our love session lasted for almost two hours. We did not even realize the time. After we made and was all drained out of energy she came curled on to my arms and felt shy. I was at that moment feeling so warm and also holding her more tightly. We both knew we had crossed our limits with each other and it was an amazing feeling, it was like we both needed this and it filled with so much life.

I then went on kissing her all over and while I was making her feel love I could see her eyes closed and grasping for air and that smile on her face. It was silently telling me that she never felt like this before. She had past but they all used her nobody loved her the way I was doing to her. After I was done I came back resting next to her and her head on my chest telling me that today she felt someone made love and not just slept with her. I told her “Baby I love you because you light my inner soul, and what I did is because I want to make you my subject of Love and not my object of love”. After listening to this she could not stop her tears flowing out her eyes telling me how different I am from the people she met and why I had not met her in her past. She wrapped the bed sheet around her and told me to put my clothes on and get some sleep. While she walked out of the room she looked back walked towards me kissed me and told me that she loves me too.

I could not sleep the entire time that was left for the morning after having such a wonderful time. But I also was thinking what my future is from now on and what her thinking about me is. I got up and got ready to go to work again. She was shying away from me after that night and then we booked us a cab and we decided we will talk about us and what ‘US’ will be. I was scared that I hope she does not think of this as a mistake and tell me she regrets it, as this was the best love for me. But she said, “I know we don’t know what tomorrow can bring us but we will live each day loving each other”. After listening to that I was left with no words and I just agreed to what she had to say.

What made us so perfect and yet we could not be together She was emotionally damaged and had gone through a lot of physical and mental abuse. She was on the verge of giving up her life and she used to think she will never find true love. Then she found true love but could not make it hers. And I was bound with family tensions and my life was being decided by my parents. I had no say in it and I also knew that if my family would know about her they will do their best to not let us be together.

We both discussed the same and knew that situations will never let us be together. After that, we both decided that we will live for today and not care about tomorrow. There started the bond which was going to go on being strong. We started getting too into each other and started removing time between shifts to cuddle in the lifts. Every day was special and we use to have our own time. Everyday magic was created and time flew by, living each day since the last two years.

Then there came a time where we knew we have to say goodbye. Yes, she was leaving the company and the country for good. We knew this day is going to come anywhere the world here did not deserve her. She was an angel who came into my life to give me a chance to love her cherish her and also to teach her how to live life in this harsh world. My eyes were filled with the pain of losing her but I know it can’t change anything between us. She came in front of me the day we decided to meet for the last time. Her eyes were droopy I knew she hadn’t slept the whole night I know she cried the whole night and I could feel the pain in her voice. She must have decided that she won’t show me her tears when she meets me as today was the day we will see off with a smile. But it’s not easy to hold tears, we tried a lot to talk and be normal but our emotions gave in.

We decided we will make our last trip to the place we have a lot of memories and where it always brings us closer filled with intimacy and passion. So we went there booked our self in the same resort and requested the same room we stayed the first time we checked into that resort. Maybe the universe was also not ready to see us apart and wanted to make everything we did just perfect making it even more difficult to depart. We went to the beach holding hands we walked through the sands and then as we kissed in the shallows the clouds couldn’t hold what we are trying to hold and heavy rain poured down on us.

We just did not let the rain bother us and kept on going kissing each other in the rain. We decided to have some drinks and have lunch and go back to the resort. We sat in the same shack and order the same drink we always do. Fish, prawns and Sula Dia Wine White, Yes we only use to drink to enjoy the moment and make it a lasting memory. We had a good time as always I had a few glasses and began singing to her while she was playing with my hands and fingers. We finished our drinks and holding hands we walked towards our hotel room and she was humming a song which she asked me to sing to her as we walk to the room. She asked me to sing the original lyrics and not my version what I used to Sing to her and so I sang her the song –

“When I need you

I just close my eyes and I'm with you

And all that I so want to give you

it’s only a heartbeat away

  

When I need love

I hold out my hand and I touch love

I never knew there was so much love

keeping me warm night and day

Miles and miles of empty space in between us

Telephone can't take the place of your smile

But you know I won't be traveling forever”

Yes, the last line of this song that’s where her eyes left out tears and now I realized why she made me sing this song and this use to be the song I always use to sing to her changing. Now my tears rolled out we walked in our room and we just looked at each other knowing that this is the last time our body and our soul will be making love. I held her hand close to me and another around her waist. I told her to close her eyes as tonight was going to be her night where we were going to celebrate our bond and the most perfect love where people only crave to find. I undressed her gently just like a valuable present a gift given to me and wrapped in a royal wrapper. Gently and slowly each layer at a time making sure I leave goosebumps with every touch I make.

She closes her eyes and submits to my embrace. She holds my bare body against hers. Nothing ever felt one when we curl against each other. Just like butter, she was as smooth as her body could be I made sure I kissed every inch of her and made her feel me. We were so passionate at that moment that there came a time where we were loving each other and silently just looking at each other’s eyes. There was no I love you spoken by words it was only our action and our intimacy speaking through our lips our tongue fingers and our eyes. Our Love went on for almost three and a half hours something within us did not want to stop us and wanted us to keep going on. We were taking turns loving each other kissing every part like making a blue print of the other in our hearts to be stored forever. We know that we will never be crossing each other’s life again as she had decided she will be leaving this relationship with memories to cherish.

We checked out and took a train to come back I did not have a single word to say as I knew if I said something it will just make it worse for both to go. I just asked her to look after herself and also grow and become something in life and also be the best and also do not forget what I taught her and do not let anyone take advantage of her and forget the past. Never forget what she is and capable of becoming. We both walked in our ways and never looked backed as we know if we did, it would only bring regret in our hearts. The day came when she had to fly I could not even see her off at the airport but I knew her time. The time has passed and my heart knew she has gone away forever and never to return. She will know to live only in my mind and my heart and so will I. When I looked up in the sky I just saw a Plane flying not knowing if it's hers a Line came out from my heart “Goodbye my Lover Goodbye my Friend, you always be the for me”.

“Perfect things do not last forever” that’s the only thing I can say and it’s very strange how a nobody becomes somebody and then becomes one body as you. Someone who will love you change your whole life. It’s very difficult to give someone else a chance after such a feeling. But all this also makes us value relationships and people in life. We all should treat everyone with so much love as if we are going to lose that person tomorrow. Tell your partner “I am going to love you like I am going to lose you. I am going to hold you like I am saying goodbye”. As you never know if you’re getting a chance to show your partner you love them immensely. So make sure the last thing you always do is tell and prove your partner they mean a lot and your love is only meant for them.