An Imagined Life

He couldn’t see well.

Everything was blurred. 

Except the light.

It was distant and faded. 

But; he saw it. 

He could always see the light. 

He could always hear his mind say “Always follow the light.” 

He was not afraid of the unknown. 

He have done some hard drugs in his short life. 

But, tonight the high was different. 

His heart was pounding.

He felt so restless. 

He wanted to run, or perhaps sleep. 

He was in pain. He could hardly think about it now. But, he always felt the pain. The eternal misery seems dissolved, for him the word hope exists for a reason. He was following the light for a reason. Maybe, also his life had a reason; but not yet.

He could have been anyone. 

He could have been anything. 

He could have been the charming man in a white shirt whom woman fantasize about. 

He could have been an artist of many arts. He could have had pretty looking children and could have been loved. 

But, yet here he is. Following the light. 

So alone, so helpless. 

The face he could see in front of the mirror, he no longer loves. He hopes he doesn’t see a mirror anytime soon.

He was meant to do great things, his mother knew it. 

But the circumstances he was born on were so unfair. 

Maybe he could have been born at a different time, in a different place.

But never he shall want to call anyone else his mother but her.

She sold her body to help him grow.

She would stare at him with the grace of a goddess. 

He often thinks maybe he never had a mother. Maybe she was a goddess. 

In the most distressful dream, he would still hear her screen out of agony. He could still hear her plead. He forgives her, but not this world. 

He saw himself as a character and not a person. He exists in the melancholic memories of people he would never know. 

He endured much pain, he would never cry but he could never sleep either. Until of course his mind is massacred by chemically induced hormones until of course, his consciousness abandons him.

Oh.. so exhausted he was.

In his silent and trivial existence; why shall he suffer with such a loud and vibrant mind? 

He doesn’t even remember his mother’s name but he often recalled her soothing smiling face whenever he suffered; and he suffered often.

He raped and got raped.

He robbed and got robbed. 

All he desired was to numb his senses. 

He wouldn’t accept that this was his only life; in this body he was trapped. He didn’t love himself, because he wasn’t himself. He lived inside his head.

He wanted to live inside his mind or not live at all. 

This world is done with; the one inside his head is much more pleasant it seems. 

The medium he chose was a lost cause; but ofcourse he transcends each night. 

There is no one to stop him. 

Even music is a luxury for him now. 

In his own trace he lived, or maybe he didn’t live at all. 

Now; here he is. 

Still following the light. 

He doesn’t need drugs to please him anymore. He just needs to follow the light.

He has reached his purpose. 

He shall arrive in the world he made up in his mind; if so it shall be heaven. 

If it is yet another distorted night and if he wakes up tomorrow to this decaying city again; it shall be hell. 

He was done with hell; he will kill himself if he wakes up tomorrow morning again. 

He didn’t suffer enough yet to see his mother’s smiling face. 

Maybe he will never suffer again. 

_Staff Correspondent; Delhi; October 17: A body of an young unidentified man has been recovered from a near Sector 137 Noida. His body was in the state of decomposition since it had been laying in the dumpster for around 4 days. The cause of his death is yet unknown. The body has been admitted to Deeprakash Mortuary in Sector 36. Anyone who wishes to recognize the body can contact their local police station.

“Maa; why do people die?” 

“People die so that they can live another life in a world where there is no suffering, no pain.”

“So, why don’t you die?”

“I will my son. Soon.” 

“Will we meet in that world?” 

“Of course we will meet. We will always meet.” 

“But.. How will I find you?”

“Always follow the light my son; always follow the light.”