An Adieu that pains me everyday

It was a Monday morning. But not as exciting as always. Everyone’s face was clouded and gloomy. Three months of fun filled, and delightful moments had come to an end. My parents who came to our place for a visit were returning that evening. Three months flew in no time. All of us were in our heights of happiness and satisfaction. We could make them happy and completely engaged without even giving a chance to think about the darker days in our life.

 My parents were also extremely happy and relaxed. Its often said that happiness which follows some depressing events will have double sweetness. Here also the situation was not different. Though my parents used to visit us frequently, this visit had some added pleasure. We all were relieved from the dark clutches of fate where we were destined to undergo severe mental torture. A series of woeful moments bashed into our lives depriving us of every sweetness in life. Life started to wade through hardships which left us in bewilderment . The world around us has become topsy turvy leaving us in a deep sea of sorrow and tension. My father was diagnosed with a malignant tumour one year before and we all were utterly shattered. Those were the days when we started realising the worth of each second in our life. For some days none of us were in our real senses. We felt that it was the end of our life. We couldn’t think practically or sensibly. It was like a bolt from the blue. Soon we regained our courage and consulted various experts in oncology. To our relief doctors consoled us saying that we were lucky as we could diagnose it at the very starting stage. Then everything got a clarity, and we took the right decision. Finally, my father’s illness was cured by expert doctors. It was like a second life for us. Doctors guaranteed a healthy life for my father and advised us to help him lead a happy and stress-free life. It was during those days that we planned to take our parents with us for a three-month visit. Everything was back to normal; all our happiness reappeared.

But as I mentioned earlier, the day of their departure was unusually gloomy and depressing. We all tried to hide our real feelings and acted as if we were happy. But a sort of heaviness overpowered me and I wasn’t clear why I was so dejected. Soon I heard my father asking, “Today we are travelling back. When will we be able to come back? Is it possible for me to visit you again? “I could sense a feeling of sadness on my father’s face though he tried to wear a cloak of happiness. I interfered and answered coolly, ’Dad, why are you asking like this? Any time if you wish you can come here. It isn’t too far. But he didn’t utter a word in response to my answer. He just ignored my answer. Even for me that question was like an arrow which pierced my heart. Though it was a usual query, it struck me so hard. Even today I don’t understand the reason for my pain. Eve

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n after three years, that question is echoing in my mind. Was it an indicator for me that it was my father’s last visit? When I write this now an excruciating pain is squeezing my nerves.

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As usual we dropped them at the airport and sent them off. My father walked through the airport counters and waved at us till they crossed the emigration counter. This picture reverberates in my mind every day in the last three years and each flash of that sight is so painful reminding me that it was his last adieu to us.

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 They reached home safely, and everything was back to normal. Days passed by and daily we talked and chatted, and we all were calm and happy. One month passed and one day we received a call from my mother. She told that they had gone for my fathers’ regular check-up and found that an abnormality was there in his scan. My mother couldn’t talk as she was choked with grief. It seemed to be a relapse in fathers’ case. I couldn’t bear that news and was completely broken. Again, the same old routine of hospital, scan, blood test, check-ups started. But this time doctors bluntly revealed the reality. His days are numbered. But as I mentioned before when we are completely shattered, we lose our real sense and wont be able to think sensibly. I wasn’t ready to accept the truth. Though doctors convinced me by producing evidence that the illness has become aggressive and there wasn’t any means to control it, I turned a deaf ear to that. I was arguing with them saying that my father won’t leave me. Some miracle would happen and he will come back. Everyone around me talked, consoled, and convinced me. But all their efforts were in vain. I was blindly believing in some invisible power that would bring back my father to his happy and healthy life. I got solace from many motivational speeches and inspirational books which taught me that if we deeply wish for something and pray for that the whole universe would come and help you. I had imbibed this philosophy and vainly attempted to win over my destined fate. I believed in that Universe which would give life to my father even when I witnessed my father taking his last breath.

But………. he left me forever without even saying goodbye. Now also that scene at the airport flashes in my mind where he waved at me with a gloomy smile. Now I realise that it was a real adieu for me which gives relentless pain for me. Every now and then, my father comes in a vision but in a flash of seconds he just vanishes….. and teaches me the grave truth that we must accept life as it comes and not to struggle against the moment.

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