To Them

At the best moment of my life 

I needed a change 

I begged to have one.

Happiness I was having!

Started to stab my mind .

               To pretend I was happy 

             Did kill me twice at once .

   Switching every step of hate and anger 

I thought it'd be easy for me to run.

 

Yeah I'm alone now

Isolating me in my room .

Chilling with this music of monsoon .

Stuck in my mind

With the memories I have with them. 

Like the stones of my backyard 

And the Bhadraj mountain. 

Having a different existence of fame.

            Resembling me being 

     This cold hearted mountain all alone .

 Them being gorgeous stone 

Me and the mountain 

have survived a lot ,

That nobody cares 

None of them remember .

          But in every season 

         We are dressing for addressing      

  Embracing them with love for no reason .

 Don't even accept

how much we miss them.

Cause once our parts 

were together and strong .

I may need them now 

 But won't be wanting them anymore. 

2.Tears. 

Have no tears left to cry

Cause I'm being too cold to hold

Insignificant felling

Hurting my body more and more 

But my mind didn't care

When no one else care,neither do I

My mind and body didn't bother to cry

How bad of a friend I have been

I still can't find words to apologize 

Using excuse after excuses 

Showing my to many shades 

Not to have willing power 

To rewrite my own fate

Now it's hurting bad to pretend 

But still trying to look happy 

When words felt worse than a knife 

The moment I close the door 

Why I didn't recognize 

Why I'm still hurting more

Because there's no tears left to mourn.

I crave for a savior 

To hold me in her arms 

And to support my journey 

To save me from myself on and on.

Now at the end I desensitized myself to my life

I'm heartless now

Reason I have no tears left is to cry.

Hell yeah I can't feel emotions anymore 

                         Subu.

3. Different

I couldn't find the flaw in my code 

I'd love to be a demon.

To have control of my life,

My mean angle is trying to 

Make me forgive them all.

God. damn it!?

Why this pain of hurting 

Your angle feels so good.

I'm so addicted to it. 

I enjoy watching her 

Slowly getting lost

In the river of my toxic thoughts. 

I'm not a villain, 

Not an evil,

But this isn't right 

That I'm not twisted. 

 I'm about point a gun

Towards the love of my life. 

So I can be 

The only reason for my fall.

Probably! I should get some help 

But this labyrinth of

Surviving a  guilt 

Will choke me to my end.

One day?

Then I don't have to have

3 a.m. thoughts 

Of suffering a sad song.

I would love to 

Stab my feelings 

So I can get

The touch of the dancing devil.

I can't control myself 

From hating everyone 

I'm cutting them off

So they won't

Hurt my cactus heart. 

                                    Subu