The Lost Phase of Life

I sat there with my palms sweating

Wondering where to search it

Where to seek it, how to reach it

Looked under my bed

To find it in the monsters

That’d eventually disappeared from there

And grew stronger in me

Looked for it in the deepest corners of my almirah

In the teddy and the broken board games

Looked at it in the pictures and albums

That spoke of it vividly, glorifying it

Searched for it in the mud outside outside my home

Searched for it on the walls

In the masterpieces drawn by me

That were now covered with paint

Tried to find it in the torn colourbook

Where the colors were so bright

And perfection didn’t seem to be taken care of

In that swing hanging to a tree

That’s too weak to carry my burdens now

In the Bournvita powder, Maggi Masala

In the stolen chocolate ice-cream

In the happiness of rolling down the slope

And getting wet in the rain

Jumping in the puddle

When the stains were only on my clothes

And not on me.

 

But, I’d lost it

Lost it when the curve of smile on my lips

Began transforming into lines of frown on the forehead

When my color palette changed from

Blue, yellow and red to Black, grey and white

When I felt hatred and envy for the first time

Lost it in the depths of my eyes

In the darkness under my eyes

In the cunningness and smartness that

Overpowered my innocence

In the efforts of being flawless

In gaining the ability to judge others

And amidst the thoughts of ‘what people think’

I stopped being a child

I lost my childhood.

 

Mourning over the lost phase

Wondering if I could live it again

I sat there

Just then I heard a timid, feeble voice

Closed my eyes, tried to listen to it

“Hey, it’s in here”, whispered my heart

I opened my eyes, looked at myself in the mirror

And after ages, I laughed, laughed like a child!